Can't go on like this anymore.

[FionaSH]

I'm just at the end of my tether, most nights I end up curled up on the floor outside the nursery crying, and wishing I could just walk out the front door and away.
My 8mo DS is just dreadful at night at the moment. When it was perhaps 2 out of 3 nights, the hope that perhaps tonight might be a good night would get me through the day. There are no good nights anymore and I just feel hopeless and the prospect of getting through the day seems impossible.

Last night I must have been up 12 times. Just as I close my eyes, he's crying again...and if I don't go in he sits up and works himself into a real state. The main thing is I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM. If I just knew what was up, I could try to deal with it, but his temp is ok, fresh nappy, offer water, last resort offer boob, fan on to try keep him cool. He's not even calmed when I pick him up. Calpol will eventually settle him, which makes me think it's teeth - but this has been going on for weeks now, and I don't like giving him calpol every night.

Please please help me, I can't take anymore :-(

Could it be separation anxiety? I don't know much about it but DS is 9mo and I'm just waiting for it....

I hope someone more wise comes along but could you try a cuddly blanket or toy to comfort him when you go in, in the hope that eventually he will just need it rather than you?

But the Calpol....if it is teeth, I guess it's a case of waiting it out

Sorry I'm not more help. I hope things improve soon

well, I always took the line of least resistance and co-slept

everyone got a good nights sleep

but it doesn't suit everyone

not colic? only that you say he isn't comforted when you pick him up

i would speak to hv/Dr if it's been going on for so long

You poor thing, there's nothing worse than sleep deprivation.

If you think it could be teeth, have you tried Nelsons Teetha? They sell it in most pharmacies and supermarkets, including Tescos. It makes a huge difference to my dd when she is teething. As its Chamommile it not only soothes the pain, it relaxes them and helps them to settle. Dd positively grabs it out of my hand when she sees it coming. If she's really unsettled, we have on occasion given her the Nelsons, waited half and hour and backed it up with Calpol, but most of the time the Nelsons does the trick on its own.

I wasn't sure at first whether it would work, as I was a bit on the fence about homeopathy, but having seen its effects and experienced first hand the wonders of Arnica I am now a convert.

Dd also went through a very clingy phase at around the same age, so mistressploppy might have something with the separation anxiety. One suggestion is to sleep with a comforter of some sort stuffed inside your nightdress and then let ds have it. The idea being that he will snuggle up to it and be comforted by your scent.

Finally, the only other thing I can think of is slient reflux. Dd had this when she was tiny and we had no idea. Basically, her stomach acid was travelling back up the oesphagus and burning her whenever we laid her flat. It was only when we realised she could sleep really well in her swing, but cried whenever she was laid flat that we made the connection. We bought a wedge that fits under the sheet on top of her mattress and it made all the difference, in fact she slept better from the first night we put it in her cot.

Hope you get to the bottom of it and you both get some sleep soon.

Oh you poor thing. I've got a few ideas, which may or may not help.

Both mine love their cuddly toys and muslin cloths as comforters. Could you introduce a 'mussy'?

Or ... I would try patting him down gently. Sit in the dark next to his cot and gently pat him or lay a hand on him to settle him. Don't pick him up and cuddle him, or change his nappy unless he smells, or offer the boob. When you think he has settled, you can really slowly lift your hand off him and crawl out his room.

He will need to learn to settle himself at some stage.

If the calpol is settling him, consider giving it 15 mins before bed time.

I was really reluctant to give DS medicine when he started teething and MIL is a homeopath so it really isn't encouraged by the family but...he started teething at 11 weeks old and didn't cut a tooth until he was 10 months old so we had months and months of misery.

My dsis ( a paediatrician) assured me that a nightly dose of paracetamol and/ or ibuprofen wasn't going to do him any harm. I was still uneasy about it but when we went from hours of screaming to him settling within 15/20 mins of having medicine, that was evidence enough for me that he wasn't settling due to teething pain.

Chamomilla is fantastic too (and I felt less guilty trying something natural before syringing calpol down his neck) but it wasn't enough for DS, he really suffered with his teething and he needed pain relief to settle. Yours may well find enough relief from the teething powders. Anbesol is also really good, much better than Bonjela IMO.

I totally understand not being comfortable with giving calpol too often. And also that you wouldn't want to take someone posting on an internet forum's word for it that it's fine! Could you talk to your GP about doses for reassurance? My sis said that in hospital they give babies much higher doses than you would give at home over long periods with no ill effect which made me feel better. And anyway, it was only for 6 or 7 a few months. As soon as the teeth started coming through he didn't need it any more. Until this week that is- he's 2 and his back molars are coming through. Fun.

If it's not his teeth, I would recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It's not a quick fix but more of a general approach to encouraging your LO to sleep longer/ self-settle etc. I decided early on I couldn't face CC/ CIO so this at least let me feel like I was making in roads towards better sleep rather than just surviving and waiting for it to get better. It did work eventually for us and DS is now a good sleeper.

Huge sympathy, I remember those days and nights clearly. It's such hard work. Hope things settle down soon

Thanks everyone

There's no problem getting him to sleep at bedtime, did the NCSS at about 4 months and introduced a "luvvy" which has been great. Sometimes in the night he's just lost it down the end of the cot, and giving it back to him will calm him.

I've been using the A&P powders during the day, will add them to my night armoury as well! As for the calpol, he had an op about 5 weeks ago and the doses of calpol & ibuprofen they had him on then were huge, and I only tend to give him half a normal dose anyway, so maybe I should just stop angsting and give it to him earlier on.

I don't know about him having reflux, but god, the stress is bringing mine on terribly !! Can it start later on or is it something they're born with?

I think some of it is colic, as we're trying lots of new foods at the moment. Any tips for easing it when baby is 30lbs and fights you to crawl off your knee when you lay them in any of the usual positions that worked when they were wee??

Thanks for all the help xx

There's some stuff about silent reflux here and there's tonnes more if you google.

He does sound like a big boy and apparently some babies with reflux eat a lot to try and get rid of the acid feeling and/or to soothe their sore throat, in much the same way as adults with reflux often mistake the pain for hunger. SR is often mistaken for colic in babies.

If he is happy to settle when you first put him down reflux is not as likely though. With dd she reacted every time she was laid flat.

I tried both A&P and Nelsons powders. A&P were really good when she had an upset tum along with her teething, but I found we still needed to use Nelsons to help with the teething discomfort and calm her down. You can use both, as they have totally different ingredients. A&P is herbal, whereas Nelsons is homeopathic.

Has he always been the same at night, or is a recent development? If so, could it be related to his hospital stay? Perhaps its heightened his separation anxiety, although that doesn't add up if he won't be soothed by a cuddle, unless he's worked himself up so much that he can't calm down?

Fiona - no words of wisdom really but just wanted to give you a virtual hug and say I hope that things get better for you very soon.

xxx

Hi Fiona can you go easy on the weaning or only give exciting new foods at lunch time to give his tummy time to settle? I found that my DS has quite a sensitive tummy - green veg and lentils are the biggest culprits. So I don't give anything like that at dinner, only potatoes/rice/sweet potatoes with chicken or lamb. That was after giving him peas with his dinner one day and he was up every hour or so with terrible wind

Since doing that, he's been sleeping so much better at night time now (he's 9.5 months).

Other things which can cause upset tummies include garlic, onions, leeks, legumes (beans, chickpeas etc). Also be careful with acidic food like tomatoes, citrus fruit and apples. Finally, you should only give fruit at breakfast/lunch as it can give babies trouble as well!!!