Bedtime routine for 7 week old, why so hard? Is there any point?

[goodname]

Hi read that you should try and get 6-8 week old baby into a bedtime routine so have been trying for 4 nights now and it seems to be getting harder and longer every night. I am doing bath, then quick massage (only a couple of minutes) then feed but after feed he seems quite agitated then it goes try to wind him/calm him down/walk around with him/shoogle him up and down/ try to find a position which stops him crying then finally give in and feed him some more. This all takes about 2 hours. What am I doing wrong and will it get easier after a while. He really seems to fight going to sleep and I feel like giving in so I can get my evening back. By the time he drops off all I want to do is sleep so I basically have no evening at all now. Please help

He's a bit young, you're not likely to really get him in an established routine for a while yet.
You're not doing anything wrong, but equally this is all quite normal.
It will get easier after a while.

I don't think there's a lot of point this early really, just follow his lead. plenty of time for routines later on.

I have always had a bedtime routine for my two but I am sure lots of people manage fine without.

The agitation for a couple of hours sounds like he is overtired. At this age neither of mine could stay awake for much more than 75 minutes at a time. Perhaps start a bit earlier, make the bath shorter and don't bother with much of a massage. Feed in a darkened room and if he gets agitated I'd go for swaddling, hold him upright against your shoulder and pat his back rhythmically. If he is tired, pacing, bouncing, singing or whatever might just make it worse.

And if all else fails repeat after me: this is only a phase.

If you feel ok with it I would absolutely give up and go with his own schedule at the moment, he is only tiny and it will all settle down in a couple of months.

I dont think getting into the habit of a bath in the evening is a bad thing, if he enjoys it, but I wouldnt worry about him then going straight off to sleep. I speak as a woman who fretted very much with DD1 and her utter resistance to any type of routine she 'ought' to be in. I trusted myself much more with DD2 and went with the flow; the end result being the same (ie they eventually sorted themselves out) but the journey with DD2 being sooo much less stressful.

Hi

Poor you - I've no specific advice but had similar situation with my DD and it got a lot better for us.

I started doing a bedtime routine with DD when she was about 7/8 weeks. I gave her half her feed before bath and then finished her feed in dark bedroom.

At first it would take me a couple of hours to get her to sleep. I think it took me about a week (it's all a little hazy) before she started to settle more easily. DD is also a monkey for fighting sleep. I think this was when she was over-tired and just didn't know what to do. I also bfed her to sleep at every opportunity.

IME it's worth sticking with. I'm quite strict now about her bedtime routine but it works for us. I give her a bath and a feed, put her down and she drops off very quickly or within 10 minutes.

wanted to say good luck whatever you decide to do - I was desperate to have some grown up time too.

Thanks for all the advice, I guess every child is different hence noone can say definately what to do.
Was trying to introduce the bedtime routine because he seemed to be getting overtired and stressy without it do thought it might help. It is better I think because although it seems to be a long 2 hour before he would be up til 12 napping and fussing and crying and that was tough too. In that time though there would be quiet time for DH and me and now it seems we are so tired trying to implement the routine we just go straight to sleep as soon as he does. Also the bath seems to calm him down in the evening as he can have quite a sore tummy. Guess I will persevere and see how it goes.
Should I be aiming for more routine during the day as well?
Also how can you ever go out if you have yr baby in a bedtime routine. Were in the habit of going out for the evening quite regularly (mostly to visit family, go for walk etc) for the first 6 weeks as it made the evenings seem less hell like but cant really do that now can we.
Seems like a no win situation but sure it will get better soon He is a little angel during the day when I dont try and force any routine on him

I think of the bedtime routine as a set order of events so that DD knows what is happening and that it'll soon be time for bed.

I didn't bother with any routine at all during the day and DD seemed to find her own pattern - but this wasn't until she was around 5 months .

It does mean that you're stuck in the house after bedtime but we sometimes go out separately or ask granny to come round whilst we both go out (have managed this a whole 4 times in 9 months!). Although I didn't feel like I could leave DD until I knew that she'd stay asleep for a few hours whilst I was out.

Don't worry about routines - follow your DS's lead - feed him when he's hungry, help get him to sleep when he's tired. More predictable naps are unlikely to develop much before 4 months, very likely later. I couldn't tell you at what time of day my 6 m.o. is likely to nap (although I know how long after waking up he will need to sleep again).

Bedtime routines are useful from around 4-6 months when babies start to be able to remember how they went to sleep the previous night. At this stage,

It definitely sounds to me as if he's overtired. At this age, my DS had to wake up from his last nap, I'd change his nappy while he cried with tiredness and he'd then feed to sleep. I tried doing a 'routine' but had the same problem as you. What I did was to sing a certain song as I did his nappy and at the start of the feed, to get him into the idea that it was bedtime. It was only around 4 months that we started adding more to it.

Many babies don't develop an early bedtime until around 3-4 months. It is tough not having your evenings, but you will get there.

It sounds like you're doing a great job - keep going, and ignore all the books which tell you what you and your baby should be doing. I'll bet your baby hasn't read any of them!

And once you are doing a 'proper' bedtime, one of you has to stay at home, or take a cot and do your routine at your friends'/families houses.I have a 6 m.o. and I've been out of the house in the evening once since he was born - and only because we took the carrycot with us to friends'. But I think that's not unusual, and I don't mind, really - all part of the new job description!

Oh, and most babies' evening unsettledness peaks around 6-8 weeks, so you're right in the middle of the worst of it. Things will improve!

oh i thought it peaked at 6 weeks so was expecting improvement now. good to know its 6-8 weeks thanks. no evenings out sounds rubbish tho

I did the same routine as you are trying but had similar issues. In the end I fed first, then massaged then bath (you can't do tummy or chest massage if you do it this way though). It was the only way DD did not get overtired by the time the feed came. It took a long time until she settled at night even with the routine but now I really enjoy this part of the day.

We started a bedtime routine for DD1 when she was about 6 weeks but it was a very simple, short routine. I think at that stage it was simply change clothes, wash face and then feed while singing certain songs.

However, we didn't do it at the same time each day, if we were at home in the evening then we would do it at whatever point around 7pmish that we thought she seemed ready to sleep, but if we were out then we'd just do it later on whenever we got home. This seemed to work really well to help her wind down for the night but still give us a bit of freedom. As she got older it became more of a fixed routine but she's still flexible enough that we can move it to a different time if needed which is great if we're away from home, or going out in the evening with her.

goodname, until DS was about 3 months I was going to bed at 8pm so I could cope with the nights, while DH tramped the streets with a shrieking baby in a sling so evenings out never happened in the first place! I'm more of a lunchtime socialiser anyway.

greensnail is right about timings - don't worry about getting to an exact time, try to do it when they're tired. Even when she's older, naps will be variable so it is sensible to vary bedtime by at least 30 mins forward / back according to the day's naps, or else you can be putting to bed a baby who either isn't tired yet, or who is overtired and past it.