21 week baby - now feeding hourly through the night

[bearcrumble]

My son is nearly 22 weeks (but he was 5 weeks early so adjusted age would be nearly 17 weeks), for the past couple of weeks it seems like he has transferred the majority of his feeding to night time.
I co-sleep (safely) and my husband is sleeping in another room at the moment so at least one of us gets a full night's sleep.

It seemed like the easiest thing in the world to just turn over and feed lying down when he woke up in the night, it shut him up immediately and he soon drifted off back to sleep.

For a while it was great - he'd sleep from 7pm to about 2 or 3 am and then wake a couple of times after that (about every 2 hours). I could function fine on that amount of sleep if I got to bed around 9 and it gave me and DH a couple of hours of together time in the evening. I thought I had it sorted.

But now, for the last week or so he only sleeps for a couple of hours at the start of the night and then wakes every hour to be fed. I'm not even really keeping track, I'm in a constant sort of half awake state with a dead arm and my body all twisted and achy.

He's feeding about every 4 hours in the day and SCREAMING if I try to feed him more often.

I suppose I'm going to have to start watching the time and spacing out the feeds at night - I keep meaning to but the half awake/half asleep thing has been winning out.

I'm miserable and a bit delerious and I had a massive row with DH in front of him and I feel terrible about it.

I've not had the energy to be the sort of mum I want to be.

Oh and I feed him to sleep at the start of the night as well. I don't know how to make him go to sleep any other way apart from taking him out in the pram but then he wakes up when I lift him out of it.

He's never had a dummy, but I'm regretting that now.

If he is 17wks adjusted then it is probably the dreaded 4 month sleep regression... do an advanced search on here and you'll find lots of info!

I have no real advice. we're just coming through the other side of ours with 20wk DS2. It's hard, but it does pass.

A dummy may not be the answer you want it to be - we've had to do an amnesty as it was making matters worse not better (he would only sleep when it was in his mouth so would wake up if it fell out).

Can your DH help a bit in the evenings so you can get some rest? Do you have any family around to give you a break in the day? If you can get some rest things will seem better.

And don't worry, you won't have scarred him for life by rowing in front of him!

You sound like a loving, caring and patient Mum to me. Don't beat yourself up. It's still about survival in these early days!!

It's normal. I know it seems interminable right now but it's sleep regression/growth spurt time. I would look at as many ways as possible to make things easier for you. Sleep during the day, accept help, don't worry about feeding to sleep atm. Just get through it.

Poor you. Sleep deprivation is vile. My second was 5 weeks early too and the most TERRIBLE sleeper ever! Took me to hire a night nanny for two nights when she was 5 months to get her on track - she took the hardcore approach cos it wasn't her babe, but she was incredible and helpful.

Firstly, I'd say give yourself a break and get him sleeping in a cot.
Secondly, it sounds like you need to leave him to cry it out for a bit. It sounds horrid but you can do it gently by stroking him and patting till he drops off. It may take hours to begin with, but I promise it will take less and less time very quickly.

Boys as well, get starving - have you tried giving him a bottle of formula before nights sleep to top him up?

I'm sure you've heard all there things before....

Don't even worry about the row with your DH - they don't remember a thing like that yet!
PS - he may be waking due to teething? IN which case chuck him some Calpol!

Good luck and sending you good sleep vibes

Yep - sounds like the 4 month sleep regression, which happens when their brains are working on the 19 week developmental spurt (which he'll hit around 19 weeks from his due date).

More info on the regression here, here, here and here.

OgreRebel is right. Don't worry about getting into bad habits - I'd just keep on co-sleeping and feeding when he wakes up. Trying to space out the feeds will just give you extra stress and wakefulness, and probably won't work.

During the 4 month regression, I just carried on feeding every time my DS woke and once we got through the regression he just went back to his 'old' pattern of waking without me doing anything different at all. Obviously it's up to you if you want to give him formula, but it almost certainly won't make a difference to the waking pattern, and as long as you are feeding on demand, you can be confident that you have enough milk for him.

4 months is too young for 'cry it out' - the books which recommend controlled crying as a strategy say it's suitable from 6 months (although some people say from a year old). Developmental psychologists say that during a sleep regression is the worst possible time to attempt any sort of sleep training as it is unlikely to be effective. See the third link above.

It is truly hideous, but it does pass. All of us feel rotten and argue with our DHs when we're sleep deprived so don't beat yourself up. It sounds like you're doing a great job - hang in there.

Maybe if you could try getting your son really drowsy but not quite asleep and then put him down to sleep that might help. Take a look at this article on feeding baby to sleep.

When my eldest was a baby, DH and I used to fight all the time. It was exhaustion that did it. I understand how you feel.

I did fix the sleeping issues with my DS1 and it was painful, a lot of hard work, but absolutely worth it. Now, even with a ds2, we all sleep through the night. x

It's pretty grim innit? We've been having some sort of regression round here over the past month or so (our wee one is 23 weeks).

I also know what it's like when the baby won't feed more frequently in the day, so "tanking up" doesn't seem possible.

Only thing I can suggest is giving your lo a dream feed at around 10-11pm. Seems counter-intuitive to be waking him up (and sounds like he may already be awake at that time!), but I've found it does encourage a reasonable stretch of sleep.

Thanks for all the advice. Last night he went to sleep by himself from pretty active wakefulness, I was very surprised. There were noises but not unhappy noises and when we checked on him he was smiling at us. It took about 15-20 mins and he drifted off to sleep.

Then woke at 10.30 and fairly frequently after that but I feel more rested today as DH soothed him back to sleep for some of the wakings. I fed him every 2 hours and he slept in the sidecar cot until 5 and then DH went into the other room to get a bit of uninteupted sleep and the baby came in with me untl about 7.

I'm glad for the reassurance that its a spurt and I've not gone and got him into the habit of feeding him more at night, it has been v frustrating when he goes 4 hours refusing food in the day and then demanding hourly feeds at night.

My HV said do not feed until baby cries for it. Best advice I've ever had.

Also I did top up bottle at 10pm 'dream feed'. Worked quite well, meant could go until about 5 some nights.

Glad you are bit more rested today. I would say that it does pass, but you can see from my post that I'm 2yrs in and still getting up at 4 am FFS!!!

If I didn't feed my baby till he cried for it, he will stay awake and chat/play for 2 hours before crying for food & needing to go to sleep again. If I feed him within 5-10 mins of waking (even though he's not crying) he will usually go straight back to sleep. Mind you, he's never been one to cry much for food, even when he was a newborn. Crying is a late sign of hunger - earlier ones include rooting around etc, so watch for those too.

Sounds just like my DS - he was doing fab...sleeping upto 7hours at night...now for the last 3 weeks is up every hour or 2 but in the day can happily go 5 hours

I'm at a loss what to do - he's only 16 weeks. I used to feed him often in the day, time consuming but it seemed to work- now he too will scream blue murder if i try and feed him too much. It also makes no difference how much he sleeps or doesn't sleep in the day...

He slept from 1.30 until 5pm today! God knows what tonight is going to be like.

I don't want to wait until he cries to feed him - I think it is better to not let him get that agitated really.

I think he's fed a bit more today - am just going to try to give him some now.

bearcrumble - I have exactly the same problem (not that that helps you any) but I'm just hoping it's this sleep regression - last night was every 1.5 hours.
I'm trying to limit the day time napping lengths to stop what should be night sleeps rolling into the day ones....

hey bc

Just to let you know we're right here with you.

Not pointless at all! I'm sorry for those who are going through the same but glad I'm not the only one!

DH got up with him at 5.30 and let me lie in until nearly 8 so feel vaguely human today.