3.5 month old taking hours to settle at night

[Gangle]

DS2 is nearly 4 months and a nightmare to settle in the evening. I recall that DS1 was much the same but can't remember what we did about it. I've tried having DS2 bathed and settled before I start DS1's bedtime routine at 7pm but it never works and he is awake and usually crying whilst I am trying to put DS1 to bed. He's crying because he is tired and wants to be held as he falls asleep. I sometimes manage to hold/rock him to sleep whilst putting DS1 to bed but he invariably starts crying/arching his back etc and disturbing DS1 so I sometimes have to put him down in his cot, usually screaming, whilst I settle DS1. DS1 usually settles by 8.30 at which point I take DS2 downstairs into his bouncy chair where I can usually get him to sleep. Tonight he fell asleep 10 minutes ago but it's often later. Does anyone have any suggestions/advice?

Do you use a dummy? I really hated them until I got one free with a breastpump, my DS was overtired and when I stuck the dummy in and gave him a muslin to hold and he self settled and went to sleep, he gave him comfort, I think it helped that the muslin smelled of me..... HTH

Tried but he won't take one. Thinking maybe swaddling might help as he often wakes up after jerking with the moro reflex then starts thrashing around. Bit hot at the moment though to wrap him up in anything.

you could swaddle him in a cotton sheet, with just a nappy on maybe, I try at bedtime to turn all the lights down and also turn the TV down too, so it's a relaxed atomsphere...

We had exactly the same and found that the solution was trying to feed him as much as possible - I'm BFing. I fed him at 5.10pm (last feed before that was 3.120pm but otherwise 3hrly during day), he had a bath then I fed him again at about 6.20pm. He's now in his crib in our room settling off to sleep.
We kept finding that he'd drop off whilst we cuddled hime then would wake up as soon as we put him down. Since he's been having the extra feed just before bed - but not being fed to sleep- he's been much easier to settle.
He was slightly grizzly this evening when I put him in his crib, so I put his projector on and left him - it seems to have relaxed him enough for him to drop off.
Good luck