Unable to get 5mo to sleep without crying

[Gidders]

Hello,

I'm at my wits end with my 5mo dd's sleep at the moment and am looking for advice. She has always been a bad napper but reasonably ok at night, but recently it's just been impossibly hard to get her to sleep. It can take 3 hours in an evening, and some days I spend 2 hours trying to get her down for a nap, only for her to wake 45 mins later.

We always said we would not leave her to cry, and so I always try to soothe her to sleep by feeding/rocking in pram/singing/whatever. And sometimes it works, but pretty often she'll still be wide awake an hour later (and she is tired, for sure) and I will be so stressed and angry I just have to leave the room. And then she cries hysterically. And then I feel guilty, go back in and try again, until I reach the end of my tether again. Rinse and repeat.

These days, she usually falls asleep after a sustained period of crying like this, and I feel so guilty and awful, but I just don't know what to do. Sometimes lying down and sleeping with her helps, but not always, and sometimes I just need to get on with other things. She also falls asleep fine when we are out and about, but then only does small catnaps which leave her tired and grumpy.

I think she is probably unwilling to sleep because she can move around more now, and she enjoys playing, so she just wants to stay up and play, but I don't know what I can do about that!

We already do the whole bedtime routine thing and keep her quiet in the run up to bedtime. And I'm pretty sure I'm not missing her sleep cues.

Any ideas? I don't want her to be so upset all the time. And I hate feeling angry with her.

DD1 was like that and she wasn't going to sleep without crying till about a year. If you are angry leave her in the cot, and try to come back and soothe her every 5/10 min (I could usually managed 2/3 minutes though). I kiss mine between the eyes for quite a long time, as it "force" them to shut their eyes and they like the closeness (baby still lying in their cot). I also rub their tummy but some baby are stimulated by very little. I walked DD2 in the dark without talking (but she doesn't have any problem to go to sleep).
Also DD1 could only fall asleep on her tummy, and we used to flip her on her back after a bit when she was in deep sleep, at least untill she flipped back on her own. Have you try the "tigger in the tree" position? (where the baby is on his tummy on your arm) It will be a good indication if she likes to be on her tummy to sleep.
Good luck, and don't hate yourself it is hard when a baby cries and you can't do anything about it.

Hi Gidders.

It sounds like she could be overtired. I know my DS used to get into a right state.

First of, 45 mins for a nap is pretty standard at this age! My DS was notorious for his 45 min naps. Drove me mad until I just accepted it.

Can you try and put her down for naps after a short period of being awake? So in the morning, put her down after an hour after waking up. After that nap, don't let her stay awake for more than 90 mins and include some wind down time in that too as it's a bit mean to expect her to fall asleep. You need to give her cues e.g. change into a sleep bag.

She'll also pick up on your anger/tension as well which will make it difficult for her to relax. So try and take control by staying calm. If you can't get her to nap in 15 mins, then give up and try again a bit later. Take her out of the room and go and take a breather of fresh air.

I'd also suggest try and schedule one of her naps to be in the pram (so head out say after an hour of her being awake) and keep walking. Can you get a cover for her pushchair to block out the sun so it's easier for her to sleep?

Finally what time are you putting her to bed? Try and aim for half 6 after a short routine (suggest bath, change, story, lullaby, feed). you could aim to be feeding by 6ish? My DS would take 2 to 3 hours to go to sleep for the night because we were doing it too late (7.30pm!). Even now at 9 months, he has to go to bed by half 6 otherwise it's all over.

Thank you both for the advice. She does seem to prefer sleeping on her stomach, so will try that.

I agree she is overtired - I have tired reducing the length of time she is awake, but perhaps I need to reduce it even further. I think you are right though Igglybuff that I need to give up on a nap if she isn't falling asleep.

As far as the early bedtime goes, we were actually putting her down at about 6.30, and she was fighting it. Tried a bit later tonight, at about 7ish and that worked better. She did have a short nap at 5 though.

I'm glad to hear 45 mins is normal. I keep reading books which tell me anything less than an hour doesn't count, and it is making me very stressed!

Throw the books away! I always think I'm doing ok until I read a book...

I agree with Iggly throw the book away ignorance is bliss!