Advice please - daughter doesn’t want to ski

[Whowherewhywhat]

Hi - we are a family of 5 - have wanted to ski for years but daughter has never wanted to go. The kids (pretty much adults now!!) will be DS20, DS18 and DD16. We are looking at either Lapland or skiing over Christmas next year - if we went skiing we would look at something like Neilson skiing (we are frequent Neilson summer hol goers) as we will all be skiing newbies - I’ve just mentioned to my daughter and she is adamant she doesn’t want to ski - my question is would there be enough other things to do / people that don’t want to ski to do other things eg sledging etc?
would this be a nightmare hol for her over Christmas - thoughts please or safer to do something like Lapland?

Harsh. The amount of broken bones and accidents l have heard about would put me off it. The dd is allowed to not want to do something

i think she’s old enough to say she really doesn’t fancy it. Cant
you go another time with the two that do? Offer DD a weekend away somewhere instead?

I’ve never been myself, but my teen is going with a friend and family next month - the mum definitely doesn’t ski but they’re going somewhere with other activities.

I used to love skiing but my knees are no longer up to it alas. Skiing is pretty full on and can be frightening unless you know what you’re doing and the resorts are pretty boring (and everything is expensive) if you don’t ski IMO. I agree with the PP who suggested she could maybe stay with a friend that week instead.

if she has never given it a go and simply refuses to then that is just being bratty and ungrateful.
If she's happy to go on the holiday and entertain herself reading and walking and things and is pleasant company in the evenings, and there's no suggestion from OP she'd not be, then there's nothing bratty or ungrateful about it.

Some resorts really do have very little else to do.

You wind up reading a book in a hotel room all day.

Some have a bit more but it's more a case of occupying your time than actually enjoying yourself.

Can you not do both? Book a trip to Finland that combines skiing, northern lights, snowmobiling, saunas, snow shoeing, husky sledding all the typical Lapland stuff etc? Then maybe everyone is happy. DD gets to try skiing if she wants to without feeling pressured to ski all week, and you can all enjoy other activities together, too. There's some great ski resorts in Finland, and they are well set up for night skiing so you get more flexibility and the chance to do other things during the day.

Why not go somewhere like Norway so you could stay in Oslo and get busses to the ski resorts and DD could stay in the city.

Scandi skiing tends to be cross country I believe rather than downhill, not sure I would fancy that personally! Maybe someone will correct my understanding though…

Sorry but that’s not true. You can know you won’t like something without trying it. On my list are

• Eating a raw herring
• Jumping out of a plane
• Eating a BBQ jungle spider
• Bobsledding
• Ice skating
• Getting naked glamour photos done

I heard the Reindeer are all infected with brain worms that makes them go beserk and attack humans. Plus that is troll territory after dark.

Somewhere in Switzerland she could go on nice day trips by train might work.

What does she like to do.

I went with DH and friends, they ski, we don't. DH learnt, I learnt I was pregnant, later miscarried but didn't ski.

I had a super time, cosy, reading, walks, it was just bliss.

It seems rather unfair to make her go on a skiing holiday over Christmas. She either has to go with you (when she doesn't want to ski) and be alone all day, or she stays at home and isn't with her family over Christmas. Both are pretty shitty options. And there's nothing more boring than being away as a non-skier with people who are all skiing as all they talk about all evening is bloody skiing!! Why can't you go away skiing at a time that isn't as family orientated as Christmas so she won't feel left out by staying at home / with a friend?

Both Alpine and Cross Country skiing are popular in Norway, Sweden and Finland.

It seems rather unfair to make her go on a skiing holiday over Christmas. She either has to go with you (when she doesn't want to ski) and be alone all day, or she stays at home and isn't with her family over Christmas. Both are pretty shitty options
I'd have loved both those options at 16. Only ever tolerated Christmas rather than enjoying it and a holiday where all I have to do is sleep in, sit around and read or go for walks and cafe trips would have been fab.

Usually both are available. We downhill skied in Norway.

It feels a bit mean to choose a holiday one of your children won’t get much out of over Christmas, a time of year she won’t really want to stay at home on her own. Even if there is other stuff to do it’ll be a bit miserable doing it by herself all day when everyone else is off skiing and will make her feel excluded. It sounds like she’s always expressed she didn’t want to ski, I’d say different if she’d always been keen to go and then changed her mind after it was booked and paid for, obviously in that situation she should suck it up, but it feels a bit mean to pick a family holiday for Christmas that appeals to your older sons but doesn’t appeal to your daughter. Is it normal for you to centre things around your sons, is she often left out of things or forced to go along with their interests? Do you show them preferential treatment in day to day life or just when it comes to Christmas and holidays? She’s only 16 so it’s not even like she will have a reasonable alternative for Christmas if she doesn’t want to go.

Either look at going somewhere else over Christmas that the only one of your children who is actually a child will enjoy or stay at home. You can go skiing with just the boys at another point in the year or wait until your daughter is an adult and old enough to leave behind, it shouldn’t be your family holiday.

Totally agree. Go in winter but not for Christmas.

This is unfair. Skiing would be a nightmare holiday for me.

Is she really not sporty at all?

I know. It’s hard to credit for the dc of someone who uses MN!

like others have mentioned. I would plan a ski holiday without her, but not over Christmas. Then maybe plan a mother/daughter trip somewhere of her choice.

Thanks for all your opinions, appreciated! I’ve spoken to DD again and she really is adamant it’s not for her - we would never leave her alone or out of Christmas!!! Will look at Lapland, it’s a family holiday at the most special time of the year so we want everyone to be happy - think we can do a mixture of activities that everyone will enjoy - the more I look into skiing whilst some resorts have a lot on it is predominantly skiing so will probably be miserable for her so we hold off for now.

Any recommendations on Lapland? Companies you’ve used etc ?

Think she is old enough to read books and occupy her self during the day, rather than stopping four other people doing something that would be fun for them.
she can sit by a fire or on a terrace and read, there maybe other things to do as well. But a week spent like I’m suggesting would also be fine. Why does she call all the shots? Go skiing, have fun!

I'm failing to find any sympathy here tbh

I think it's completely reasonable to refuse to try an activity that can result in both arms being broken.