Any chance of an elderly parents section?

[EscapetothePorch]

Often wonder where to post with my queries which could relate to General Health, Mental Health, Legal, Property, Finance etc.. I think the demographic of Mumsnet means that there are many of us dealing with elderly parents, social services, care homes etc. Seems it would be good to have a place where we could vent about general frustrations and share knowlege o any chance?

Mostly that type of thread goes in the Carers section.

I have said this before. Totally agree as I seem to have mire conversations with people in RL about elderly relatives rather than our children! Ime the carers section is hardly ever used (and when it is seems more for people who are live-in carers, often for their dcs)

Most posts about elderly relatives seem to be in Relationships or Chat.

I have an elderly relative (not parent) who has been diagnosed with dementia recently. I have got lots of advice when I have posted here but agree it would be more useful if it was all in one section - but please make it elderly relatives, not just parents!

Advice always needed especially when parent in a home. Did you know that the council will move your parent when they run out of money? I put my Dad (dementia and physcotic episodes) into a wonderful home, having looked at others thinking that the way he was going, he's probably be around for a couple of years. I knew his money would run out and he didn't have enough to invest it and live off the interest. (he started with £170,000 which was from the sale of his home). Nearly two years on, he's happy as he can be, loves and knows the staff really well and they love him. I know the home is expensive (about £800 weekly) but even the most grotty council ones are around £400!

Social services are now involved and will give us £420 a week, we are supposed to top up the rest! I thought if he has that and his pension and a tiny private pension, I could get extra work and manage it. Do you know they take your pensions into that £420, it's not as well as!

Have now looked at three places, two I wouldn't leave a dog in and one which was lovely but he would have to have an upstairs room. He'd have to go up in the lift which means a carer always with him and then if he was left in his room, there's lots of corridors and rooms and a flight of open stairs around too. What don't the SS get?

Am very mad about it, and am going to the papers. He's 82 years old, worked from 14 and did his bit in the war. He deserves to die with dignity and what life he has got left, he needs to be where he's been for the last two years very happily.

bump

Thanks for this suggestion. (And sorry to hear about your dad's situation, stickyj)

Anyone else agree this would be useful?

Good idea, OP

Yes I am at the beginning of what I suspect will be a long and difficult road with my father - I think it would be very helpful topic.

Yes I'd agree a section would be useful - I wouldn't think to post in Carers because I'm not really a carer for my parents, and DH isn't really a carer for his mum. But we are both dealing with issues about their advancing age, ill health, planning for the future etc, and it's both more general and more specific than health/relationships etc.

Although I clicked on this thinking it would be a section for older parents like me. You might need a clearer description.

What about "Elderly Relatives" to save the possible confusion? It would also cover people dealing with their own grandparent/aunt/uncle/whatever as well as specifically parents and ILs.

Just seen this, would love a section, DF is getting very frail, and needs are more and more .
Would be nice to have somewhere to ask advice and such.

(Does anyone know what the financial threshold is for paying for care homes?)

Yes, with an 85 year old MIL for whom DH has Power of Attorney and a 100 year old dad who still insists on living on his own, I would love a section like this.

Yes, Elderly Relatives would be a better title (as I am an Elderly Parent myself!)

I too would be hesitate to go to the Carers section because I am not caring for my mother. My 82 year old mother has been in a variety of homes/sheltered accommodation in the past 2 years whilst my Dad lived in the family home. He recently passed away so we have the whole situation of what to do with the home.

We are still navigating our way through social service departments trying to ascertain whether my Mum counts for continuing care under the NHS or whether we are now going to be hit with a £500/600 per week bill and will therefore have to sell the house (very likely!) My Dad was formerly paying just £110 a week.

It's a nightmare process. My Mum's situation is quite tricky because she was actually "removed" from the family home becasue we seriously thought she would come to harm at the hands of my Dad. Whilst she has no dementia diagnosis (we don't think) she was classed as a vulnerable adult under an Adult Protection Order. Unfortunately since being away from home her depression has got worse and she stopped walking over a year ago (through choice) and is now both infirm and incontinent but otherwise "healthy".

So, yes, I would love a special section where we could share experiences and advice.

Shoshe, I think that if you have savings/capital over £23,000 you have to pay for your home (that can be in money or a property)

What about it Mumsnet??

bump

Yes I think 23k is the upper limit. If you have less then a sliding scale is applied where you have to contribute a proportion. If you have less than 16k (not positive about that figure) it's not taken into account.

good idea, I would love to get some advice on how to handle something with my mil, it is not something I want to ask on the main board and I am not her carer.......

Hi all,
As there are many already talking about elderly relative issues in the Carers topic, we think it would be confusing to duplicate but we could make the title clearer/ more inclusive so it's obvious to all that this is the topic in which to discuss these issues (Nb this topic was originally called the Sandwich Generation but we had to change it because some folk didn't know what that meant).
So would carers and elderly parents work - or can someone think of something better?
Thanks

Justine, I take your point. I have just visited the Carers topic for the first time. I always assumed it was for people actually "caring" for someone - trouble is I am not caring for my parents at all so the word grates somewhat! But I'm sure something like Carers and Elderly parents would remedy this - I can't think of anything better at the moment but will think on over the weekend. Thanks.

Any advance on Carers and Elderly Relatives, or shall we go with that?
[There must be something punchier emoticon]