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MNHQ

Big Issue in the North wants your help

21 replies

GeraldineMumsnet · 23/02/2009 14:08

Big Issue in the North runs a monthly feature called the Big Debate.

Tom Hodgkinson, author of The Idle Parent, is writing one side arguing that we should leave children alone as much as possible, and should be less anxious and competitive parents.

Is there anyone who feels strongly that they disagree and that we do have to keep an eye on our children and be competitive on their behalf to ensure they succeed as adults?

If so, please email the editor, Kevin Gopal, on [email protected]

The deadline's 2 March and the word count is 250 words.

It would be your personal opinion, but any mention of MN would be appreciated

OP posts:

Hassled · 23/02/2009 17:20

There's a deafening silence - are we all in agreement with Tom Hodgkinson then?

I know I am - there is much to be said for Benign Neglect .

Indith · 23/02/2009 17:31

I'm not neglecting mine, I have one foot bouncing her chair as I type

Oh, erm, hang on, I have another child somewhere don't I.....

mollyroger · 23/02/2009 18:05

I didi toy with the idea of going an Argumental type article against, just for the sake of it...but no, I can't. Benign Neglect fan here too

LackaDAISYcal · 23/02/2009 18:16

another "idle" parent here!

I think you're going to struggle to get anyone to argue that on here

DH keeps threatening to put a photo of me on the back of the laptop screen so that DS2 can talk to me as I type.

actually, I'm not that much of an idle parent......my DD has several kitchen drawers wnacky boxes lovingly prepared for her on a daily basis

foxytocin · 23/02/2009 18:37

lol at indith

Indith · 23/02/2009 19:14

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 23/02/2009 19:30

sorry, don't do pushy parent either.

MNHQ

GeraldineMumsnet · 23/02/2009 20:03

Lol. Strangely no one from HQ desperate to write it either

But we said we'd ask and there's usual someone up for a good row intellectual debate on MN.

OP posts:

scrooged · 23/02/2009 20:17

I'd hand my child to social services if I ever became on of these. I saw these types at ds's old school and I saw the effect that this type of parenting had on their children. It was not good.
I would love ds to have more independance though but at the moment, he's not ready. I can't trust him to cross the road due to the amount of traffic and him daydreaming. Doesn't make me pushy though.

noonki · 23/02/2009 20:33

mine are still roaming the fields as I type...well they will be when they stop being toddlers!!

I can't bear all of the overprotection that is going on nowadays.

JumpingDizzy · 23/02/2009 20:43

my 2 boys use a lot of their own imagination when they play. I encourage them to do this but I don't let them roam far. I've just started letting them take the dog for a short walk to the park over the road(together) and they're 11 and 8. I do live on the corner of 2 busy roads though.

CactusJack · 23/02/2009 21:01

maybe he wouldn't be an idle parent if he spent some time with his children

PillicockSatOnPillicockHill · 23/02/2009 21:10

in schools i sometimes feel the need to be a bit pushy - but maybe that says more about state primary schools than anything else.....

kormachameleon · 23/02/2009 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortyplus · 24/02/2009 00:11

Oh - someone PERLEEEEEASE tell Xenia about this thread and watch the debate kick off!

gigglewitch · 24/02/2009 00:46

I don't want to sound, umm, negative or anything, but, like aren't you asking in the wrong place - err, like the mn talkboards...

as the famous quotation goes, what exactly are the children up to for an hour five minutes whilst we peruse the active convos?

AliceTheCamel · 24/02/2009 07:40

You want my MIL. Massively competative on behalf of her daughter. Sees it as parental responsibility to make sure that her dd gets every opportunity, and the best if everything. Frighteningly pushy on her daughter's behalf and proudly so - she thinks that parents who don't fight for their offspring are lazy. She expects a LOT back from her daughter in return. Example - she got her dd into the bet school in the country and in return dd is expected to go to OxBridge to do her degree, then a vocational degree (law or accounting) and then an MBA before getting a job. There will be big trouble id her dd doesn';t want to.

She believes appearances really do matter (she's kind of right ) so she will spend a fortune on clothes, haircuts, any salon treatments etc etc for her dd, but in return her dd MUST be slim and MUST work out and be fit and healthy.

In her defence, her dd is now destined for a life of amazing opportunity - isn't that something we all want for our children?

It's not the road I'll be going down with my dc though.

AliceTheCamel · 24/02/2009 07:41

best school in the country...

MmeLindt · 24/02/2009 09:21

Idle parent, I like that. Sounds much better than fecking lazy, which is how I would decribe my parenting style.

My DC are very independant, which helped them settle in when we moved to a new country where they did not speak the language. If I had been a helicopter mum then I am sure they would have found it more difficult.

Rhubarb · 24/02/2009 12:49

Actually I do know of some parents who push their children. My bil's children have an activity every day after school. They are ferried to and from such activites and nearly everything they do is family orientated. They have a rota on the wall and each family member has a daily job to do.

I have to say though, that his girls are growing up to be very very bright, very articulate, well-mannered and so far are displaying none of the rebellious streaks that dh and I predicted would come.

However I do think that there's an advantage to letting your kids get bored. It encourages creativity and imaginative thinking. So if I'm busy and dd and ds are hanging around saying they are bored, I will refuse to turn on the TV or organise something for them. And within 10mins they are making tents in the bedroom or rehearsing a play that we need to watch or turning one of their rooms into a museum.

With everything, a little bit of both comes in very useful. I would encourage my children all I can, I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of giving them jobs to do and if they want to do after school activities that's fine too. But I wouldn't organise their days for them. I would leave a few days free for them to explore their imaginations. I don't want to take over their games and show them the correct way to do things, I want to let them make mistakes so that they can learn from them.

Problem-solving techniques are a valuable resource to have both as a child and as an adult. If you have someone do everything for you, what happens when you're on your own?

It will be interesting to see how bil's children turn out as they get older. But for now I'd like to strike a balance with mine.

PillicockSatOnPillicockHill · 24/02/2009 20:18

rhubarb i am bloody pushy with regard to actual education
i teach them to read and then enforce homework through secondary school etc

re swimming - music- dance etc i have been REALLY slack

I encourage it but if they mutter about not wanting to go i have NOT pushed it

i say 'dont ask me to do it again in six months time if you are giving it up now'

I have 6 children and we do nada in the way of afterschool stuff atm!

the oldest 3 attend a drama school on a saturday which sometimes leads to plays but that's it

i am a great believer in sticks and dust and the two being played with - teaches resourcefulness encourages imagination banishes boredom...

only my opinion but ds1 is 6th form now and very academically able -well liked and a very content happy chap!

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