Need your thoughts on 'empty nest syndrome'

[GeraldineMumsnet]

BBC wants to discuss American research findings that many couples are happier when their children leave home because they're able to enjoy spending time together.

Do you dread your kids leaving home, or are you counting the days? Are you worried you'll still have a relationship worth having once the kids are gone? WILL the kids go? Any thoughts in next half an hour please. Thank you

I'm counting the days!

Because even if I found I didn't have a relationship worth having after they go a) there's still a terrific chance to build one b) I'll be able to devote time to other relationships - with friends, with myself, with the community, etc.

I'd love to contribute except that one of mine won't be going so ...

Although I have to say with DS2 never likely to be able to leave it does make both DH and I appreciate the notion of your beloved child growing into independence and developing the skills to move on and away.

Poor DS1 is feeling positively pushed out as we are so delighted for him - relishing the independent and move into adult life away from us that his brother will never experience. We have already had gap year chats and choice of Uni chats and he is only 15

x-posted Riven.
So true

Have started on this road as our eldest left for uni this year. Yes I am very apprehensive about it as I've been a SAHM for 18 years and now feel very redundant. My other two are 14 and 16.

I do feel it's easier to have a good relationship with dh though as now we can indulge ourselves a bit more, even if it's something as simple as saying we'll go out for our tea as there's no one else home. We aren't stressed all the time too as we were 10 years ago, and can indulge in hobbies.

But because I was very involved in my dc's activities (was on parent's comittee of school, sports clubs,etc.) I wonder where I will find my new friends and social scene in the coming years. Children were a ready-made invitation into loads of activities.

I am looking forward to it.

Firstly it will mean that my children are lucky enough to be living their own (somewhat) indipendent lives.

Secondly we will have more time for us.

I think you only seem happier because there's not so much to argue about once the kids have left. Everything goes lower key.

I am looking forward to it-mine are spread out in ages and so I have been a mother for a long time. I cried when the first went to university but have had plenty of time to get used to the last going.I have lots of things that I want to do with DH and on my own. I had a DS when we met so we have never had a child free time-looking forward to it!

I am dreading it.. I will really miss them although I probably have a while to wait yet as youngest is only 7! I have dreams of an uncluttered neat tidy house though. Bet that won't happen and I'll still be mumsnetting or OAPnetting.

Hmm... Very interesting question. My mum was so determined that she was going to enjoy her 'later years' without children that she actually decided to have her last child at 29 because she wanted her children out of the house before she was 50. As that time approached, she was a wreck and wished that we would stay on.

I am still in the thick of things with children from 2-11 but I feel mostly sadness at the thought of not being surrounded in chaos. If I thought about it enough, I might even contemplate another DC.

Speak to me again in a few years when it dons on me that I have another 9 years of school-age-parenting ahead of me once DC#1 is Uni age.

I've got a good 10 years left (more if I have any more children) but I think it'll be a good opportunity to do things like travelling or taking up a new hobby or spending time with OH etc etc.

I see it as an opportunity for my child, myself & OH rather than something to be sad about.

i can't wait for mine to go, over the years i have found and independance from my children and my husband - this has come a lot through financial security reletively recently.

i can clearly see a live in which my children will be around - with their drama - god i always have drama.

but i am learning to play the drums now my nest doesn't need to 'own' me anymore - that i don't need a babysitter and have the cash helps.

My oldest have all left home only 2 teenagers left, I look forward to having us time with my husband, something we have never really had, and as custy says even though the older ones have flown, there is always a drama and one of them needs Mum.

So no I dont dread it but welcome it, and enjoy watching my children become confident secure adults able to live independently.

I cant wait either, smaller food bills and a cleaner house will be lovely

I can hog the bathroom for hours and nobody will moan

me too

Thanks v much everyone. 'Preciate it