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Original poster

More help needed for radio interview ....what are your thoughts on God Parents and Christenings?

65 replies

Rachel (mumsnet) · 21/03/2005 13:13

Tomorrow morning Carrie will be doing an interview for BBC Southern Counties Radio and we need your views.

The basic area are:
Are christenings still really popular - even though church going in general is in decline?
Who do people choose as godparents - friends/ relatives?
How seriously do people take the job of godparent? Is it still seen as an honour?
Do many people regret who they choose as a godparent? (Ie. They choose a good friend but 5 years down the line they never see them.) etc etc

Thanks so much for any opinions/thoughts or anecdotes in advance.

OP posts:

Snugs · 21/03/2005 13:57

Another believer in free choice when they are older - and besides, we aren't Christians ourselves. We did have a naming ceremony and choose Sponsors, in lieu of Godparents. They take their responsbilities very seriously and are now part of our family rather than just friends, IYKWIM.

I have refused to be a Godparent to a friends child because I couldn't stand in the church and renounce Satan - I can't renounce a mythical beast I don't believe in. My friend thought this was a silly reason to refuse because she didn't see the Christening as a serious event. I take my religion a bit more seriously than she does her's obviously.

welshmum · 21/03/2005 13:57

I'm god parent to 3 children and me and dh take it pretty seriously. The parents invite us to all sorts of things (last week dh went to see one in a concert and we both went to a school fundraiser) My god daughter comes round for tea once a fortnight on her own. She's turning into a teenager and I regard it as one of my jobs to be there for her if she's feeling she can't talk to her parents. We do birthday and christmas presents too and generally try to foster really good friendships with them and their families.
We're believers of the woolly liberal variety and think this is part of what we promised to do when we took the job on initially.
My dad's a minister and I used to love it when at the end of the christening he would walk the baby round so all the congregation could see it and say hello - really lovely moment for everyone.

NomDePlume · 21/03/2005 13:57

Cod - I do feel strongly about it when someone attacks the way I choose to bring up my family, yes. I have no intention of pushing my DD into any sort of religion, mainly because I do not hold a specific relgious belief myself. I do not like it being suggested that those who wish to let their child choose their relgion at a point where they can understand the finer details of what they are signing up to (i.e. me), are somehow neglectful or ignorant of their child's needs.

Cod · 21/03/2005 13:58

Message withdrawn

NomDePlume · 21/03/2005 13:58

I also didn't get married in church for the same reasons.

Cod · 21/03/2005 13:59

Message withdrawn

Marina · 21/03/2005 13:59

But isn't it, with the C of E? As the Established Church in England, I thought a lot of parish priests did tend towards this viewpoint, and that this why they marry couples with no committed faith, and why they baptise children from parish families that don't attend church?
I think this aspect of the C of E is a very attractive one and a good argument for keeping an Established Church.

Cod · 21/03/2005 14:00

Message withdrawn

JoolsToo · 21/03/2005 14:00

religion and breast feeding are definite No-Nos

Cod · 21/03/2005 14:01

Message withdrawn

NomDePlume · 21/03/2005 14:04

Cod, no chips. Perfectly happy with my choices re religion. You didn't attack me personally, I never said you did. I said you attacked the way I chose to raise my family. Anyway, I'm going to stop this now as I've said my piece & I don't want it to degenerate into a row.

Hayls · 21/03/2005 14:16

Hmmm, I didn't think it was a big issue. I wasn't chrsitened, dh wasn't christened so I didn't see any reason to have dd christened. i don't see the point in doing something for dd that I would be unable (OK and unwilling) to strongly support. We had a 'Welcome to the World' party for her and our family to formally welcome her but if she decides that she is interested in religion and/or being christened then that will be fine and I will support that decision. I am no expert but there are people in my family who are religious who can either pass on information to dd if/when she wants it or can give to me to pass on. I am not and would not withold information from her just because i don't agree with it (she's only 1 so it's not an issue yet).
Cod, surely there is a choice in whether or not children are christened? I don't see that it's illogical to allow a child to become involved in deciding and there is no comparison between deciding on whether or not to introduce your child to religion (which may or may not be good for them) and whether or not to introduce them to school and hospitals (which is almost definitely always good for them. I wouldn't ask my dd to do anything unless it was to her benefit or she wanted to do it and tbh I didn't feel stronlgy wnough about christenings to put it in either category.

(NDP explained this sooo much better and concisely than I just did!)

Original poster

Rachel (mumsnet) · 21/03/2005 14:28

Thanks so much for all your thoughts - this is great. We'll be looking at them all tonight, so do keep posting. I'll also check the name of the show so any of you in that region can listen in...

OP posts:

logic · 21/03/2005 14:29

We got ds christened because I come from a fairly religious family and it was important to me.

Although it was mostly a lovely occasion, I do regret being pushed into a baptism during the main service, not because I didn't want the community to be present (that bit was lovely), it was the fact that another child was christened at the same time which I felt detracted from my son's big day and caused us a couple of logistical problems.

We chose a couple of relatives for political reasons and a couple who have a very strong faith. They were the real godparents tbh.

lunavix · 21/03/2005 14:38

We had ds christened basically as it's the 'done thing' - everyone in the family was asking when we were doing it. We aren't christian, in the sense of going to church or really having a belief in it, but there's always a possibility that ds will grow up and become a christian so we thought it would be nice to do. We also hadn't done anything with the family to celebrate his birth/show him off, so we felt a little party was a nice idea.

We had five godparents (!) which is a couple more than usual, but these 5 people are the closest to us, and we simply couldn't chose between them. Two (men) are dp's best friends, one is actually quite a devout christian which we also think is nice for ds. We also had bil as a godparent, because he wanted to, and to be honest we wanted him to too! We also have my longest term best friend as a godmother, we've agreed to be godparents to each others kids since we were about 11! One of dp's best friends girlfriend is the other godmother, she's also our best friend now too, so she was a natural choice.

Dp's bil is a bit useless tbh, but he is quite young and carefree! (19!) The rest of them are (like us) early 20s, and have been fantastic, they dote on ds (even though they have no kids or anything of their own yet) and spoil him rotten, so we know we made the best choice. We have also loved the fact this gave us the choice to 'honour' people we knew would be important in ds's life, who aren't necessarily family.

So it wasn't really done for religious reasons.

Marina · 21/03/2005 14:41

Logic, I agree with you there...our new Parish Priest insisted on doing the families in batches and that did make the service long, as Cod mentions, and a bit disorganised for each baptismal party. I think an ideal solution ought to be to offer each family the chance to be baptised solo during parish mass or whatever. Knowing you are one of five must surely put some parents off a LOT...

iota · 21/03/2005 15:00

I didn't get married in Church and haven't had either of my boys christened.

I did have a religous upbringing and went to a church school run by nuns...but somewhere along the way I fell by the wayside.

Cod · 21/03/2005 15:02

Message withdrawn

zubb · 21/03/2005 15:03

ds1 was christened at the same time as another child as we can only have the christening in the main service. The church also only like one weekend a month for christenings so that the service isn't extended every week for the rest of the congregation.
I didn't mind 'sharing' the day with the other family - the only bit that worried me was when the priest walked round the church with both babies - one under each arm! didn't look safe at all.
Having said all that I am not religious and don't attend church and would not have chosen to have my children christened. However, dh is and it is important to him - he takes the children to church each week as well - so I agreed.
As for godparents I let dh choose them as not really wanting a christening to then choose the godparents didn't seem right. So the majority are his friends and family - although my sister sneaked in there as well!
I do think that everyone asked did feel it was an honour, and all seemed genuinely pleased.

nailpolish · 21/03/2005 15:09

erm, (deep breath)

a lot of my friends get their children christened just because they think its 'nice'

a ceremony to invite all their mates to, show off the baby and have a big piss up afterwards.

sorry, but its true

same with marriage, get married in church and get nice photos, church weddings seem to be 'posher'

they have to attend classes to join the church, and at these classes they have to make a promise or whatever to say they will attend 'religiously' and after the wedding/christening they never do. and the minister knows it

i have asked my mates about this, and they are not ashamed to say this

i couldnt critisise though, its up to them

i didnt get married in church or get my dd's christened cos i couldnt make a promise knowing full well i wouldnt keep it

plus i am not one teeny bit religious, not in the slightest

zubb · 21/03/2005 15:14

np - I had forgotten that we had to go to see the priest for a 'lesson' on baptism and what it all signified etc. There were only 4 of us, but as the only non-religious / non-church attender it was all directed straight at me!
I got married in a church as well - again for dh and to the shock of all my family / friends (and myself to be honest!).

dinosaur · 21/03/2005 15:16

I can do a good line in rants about being let down very badly by godparents, if you're interested? DH and I really really regret our choice of godfather for DS1.

logic · 21/03/2005 15:19

It seems to be the new fashion in churches these days to do batch baptisms The part that really annoyed me was that the Vicar didn't tell us about the other baby until a couple of days before the christening because he knew that I would be very unhappy about it and it was too late to cancel Still, we did get dh christened at the same time which was brilliant but it probably annoyed the other family too!

lalaa · 21/03/2005 15:37

We decided not to have dd christened. There was no way I was going to go to classes with the vicar or go to church for x number of weeks beforehand when I knew damn well that I wouldn't have gone afterwards. IMHO, doing this is completely out of order and it makes me quite cross - do people have no self respect? And don't get me started on people who go to church to get their kids into a primary school.....

I looked into some alternatives at the time, but there weren't any that I was comfortable with locally. If I'd have been able to find something not cringeworthy which was a simple celebration of the arrival of a new person into our family and a commitment to love, protect and guide her, I'd have done it. I wish there had been. My family were a bit taken aback, but there you go.

teabelly · 21/03/2005 15:46

I come from quite a religious family, having gone every sunday until I left home, and my sister and mother still go. DH isn't bothered one way or another, but again his family are quite religious with a couple of members that are vergers at their church. Although I don't go very often now, it's still quite important to me and we got married in a church as well as having ds christened....partly I admit for family as much as for ourselves, and my mum takes ds with her to the odd service. The lady who married us, also did ds's christening, and at her suggestion (which was a lovely touch) we had the same hymns at both services. Hopefully she will be able to Christen this one (when she arrives later in the summer). With regards to God parents we chose friends who feel fairly strongly about religion too and I believe they took it as an honour. I would like to have the same godparents to this one too if they are willing.

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