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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

One child familes - please can we have our own topic?

68 replies

Mulanmum · 07/10/2008 14:45

Recently we started a thread in the Parenting section for families with one child aka "onlies". There's been a good response and there are lots of things relating to having just one child that we'd like to discuss.

Please can we have our own topic?

OP posts:
MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 07/10/2008 20:42

I think Squeaver has already said it very eloquently, but here's my two-penn'orth....

MN already has topics dedicated to larger families, lone parents, multi-cultural families and step-parenting. So MNHQ has already recognised that other types of family which do not conform to the nuclear family with 2.4 children norm or have other very specific issues to discuss can have their own topic - a topic for single/only child families has to be the next logical step.

Of course, nearly all families (except those with multiples) spend a few years with just one child, and everyone would be welcome on the topic, but there are issues to do with raising a child who will never have a sibling which deserve to be discussed under a dedicated topic.

That concludes my submission to the court, M'Learned Friends.

PinkPussyCat · 07/10/2008 21:42

Just wanted to lend my support for an 'onlies' topic!

Squeaver has said it all really... But I would like to get to know some mn'ers who also have 'onlies'. So far I don't know anyone in RL (of similar age to myself) who has an only child either by choice or circumstance. All my friends find my choice to have just the one child a bit odd - so it would be great to meet some mn'ers who have that in common with me.

handlemecarefully · 07/10/2008 21:53

Oh yes - I want a pigeon pair topic (parents of two children, one girl and one boy definitely need a safe place. Universally maligned)

teafortwo · 07/10/2008 22:06

mmm... intersting, viewpoints, julesrose, Yanda and madbadanddangeroustoknow!!!

Something else I have noticed is the wide issues within being a parent of one child. There are the day to day issues of the runnings of a one child family that has a completely different ambiance to that of more than one. Our concern as parents to create a balanced individual who hasn't 'suffered' through having no siblings of course is an issue (how much is it an issue and how much is it social pressure, I wonder?)!

Then there are the deeper feelings and thoughts of parents; those who are happy and feel that having one child is living their dream, others who have been medically only able to have an only one but wanted a large family, others who had one child but are now single so haven't had another so far, those who have had not nice experiences of babyhood, birth or pregnancy, even those who have had the unthinkable become real and lost a child and now have just one living child.

These issues are impossible to deal with all in one thread but equally we all feel connected by having one child. A topic would be a better way of organising our chat.

Seriously - take a look at our messy thread, I am paraphrasing here for quick reading if I use the wrong language or seem harsh I really am sorry, I am saying "I am taking dd to India" while someoneelse is saying "I had two micarriages. The pain was awful." and someoneelse "My first baby never stopped crying" and someoneelse "My only goes to choir - brilliant" All valid and important issues but none could be talked about properly because we need a topic of "only child" and then threads where we can talk in more depth, more freely and more comfortably about all of the issues behind that "only child" title.

Does this make sense?

squeaver · 07/10/2008 22:15

Lots and lots of sense TFT. Let's see what happens now.

(And don't buy a blardy fascinator - I'm serious!)

LadyOfWaffle · 07/10/2008 22:18

Even though I have 2 I can see why one child families would want their own section, it comes with a whole set of 'issues' that "normal nuclear" types (I do NOT mean that in a bad way) do not deal with, same as large families. I think it's a good idea.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 07/10/2008 22:21

Yes, it makes sense to me. I don't begrudge any of the other families their topics and think it would be good to have one for 'onlies' for all the reasons you mention, teafortwo. There are so many diverse things that people may want to discuss that having them all on one thread may become unwieldy.

edam · 07/10/2008 22:24

Think it's worthwhile. I sometimes feel that I almost have to apologise for having only one when I'm posting on a general thread. Anticipating the reaction 'well, what do you know about it, you have no idea what it's like to deal with two or three or more...'.

teafortwo · 07/10/2008 22:26

Honestly, squeaver, I had to look the word "fascinator" up on google - had no idea what it meant!!!!

I prefer to wear low brimmed hats - they are like horses blinkers allowing me to focus in entirely on my precious first and only born - eeeerrrr........... yeeeeeaaaaah riiiiiiggggghhhhtttt!!!! Ha ha ha!!!!

lovelysongbirdanotheryearolder · 07/10/2008 23:01

well put tea 4 2
we can't talk properly on one thread.

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 08/10/2008 01:15

We'll consider it if you do our super-quick smacking survey

FAQ · 08/10/2008 01:24

I think the should get their own topic too. I have 3 - so don't fit into larger families, and neither would I fit into and "onlies" one either. However I have friends who have onlies - not through choice, and it does appear to bring it's own set of problems.

Slurch · 08/10/2008 01:25

I'm sensing a trend here. hmmmm.

That survey must be the dogs bollocks. I think you should do it. and it is really super quick, two clicks and you're in.

teafortwo · 08/10/2008 08:34

Hello Justinemumsnet ? It is really very nice to see you!

I will definately do your survey if I am I am allowed to do it? You see... I don't live in the UK so I am not entirely sure that I can do surveys and competitions?

(On the side, lots of mners don't live in the UK.... seeeee....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/576865-can-we-make-our-own-from-our-own-correspondent

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/613580-from-our-own-correspondent

? we don?t have a fooc from Mumsnet towers and seriously it would be lovely and interesting if you were so kind as to join in!)

So ? back to the subject in hand....tell me?. this one child family thread???? What are your thoughts and feelings about it? Does it sound sensible to you? How can we move this sentiment forward? As it feels like it is a real issue and somehow needs moving forward, here, on forward thinking mn.

Bucharest · 08/10/2008 09:16

Done the survey.
Want the only children topic.

DontCallMeBaby · 08/10/2008 09:53

Done the survey. Topic please.

MaryAnnSingleton · 08/10/2008 10:12

don't think we need a section for onlies - there have been some crackingly good threads in the past which address the subject when necessary - am sure that's enough

lovelysongbirdanotheryearolder · 08/10/2008 10:17

done the survey

ban smacking.
there's no place for it.

topic please

BlackPussyCat · 08/10/2008 13:53

Done survey

Can we have the topic please?

TillyScoutsmum · 08/10/2008 15:17

Done survey - would like topic please

Surely if larger families have one then it makes sense for onlies to have one ....?

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 08/10/2008 15:23

Tilly - your logic is impeccable!

Yanda · 08/10/2008 18:38

Done survey, topic please!

teafortwo · 08/10/2008 19:50

(Waves at tsm!!!)

OK.... I filled in the survey...

I can't wait for our shiny new topic and my skiing holiday, if I win!

(Although I am still in doubt whether mine worked seeing as I am in not in ol' Blighty)

twowheels · 08/10/2008 21:01

I think it would be so helpful in many areas to have this as topic, please do make a topic.

teafortwo · 08/10/2008 21:08

Justinemumsnet,

As I came home from work I had a little smile to myself... thinking I would find a new topic on the MN topic board.

I was a little sad to discover - no there is not one.

So I filled in the survey and feel a little sadder for the profile of single child families in UK, if, even somewhere generally as open-minded and free thinking as Mumsnet will only conditionally "consider" allowing us to have a space to think, feel and be together.

What makes it worse is I had a sneaky peek on netmums to see if they had a space for people like us - parents with one child - but they speak in a special sort of "hun" language that I don't understand.

(and p.s.... Have you started drafting your foocs report???? - I am serious I would love you to join the foocs - I am sure you have lots to add!)