Quick top tips on how to cope when your child starts school for the first time

[carriemumsnet]

Does anyone have any top tips to pass on to parents who found the whole child starting school for the first time a bit traumatic and sad?

The Evening Standard are doing an article on how parents, and particularly mums, cope with this parenting milestone and have asked for Mumsnetters' views and top tips.

As usual the deadline's pretty tight so if you could post your quick tips here, that would be grand.

If you're one of the mums who were whooping and cheering as your child toddled off to school for the first time, do feel free to share as well

I cried on the first day, DS1 didn't, he was so overjoyed to see his preschool friends!
Second day he was far more clingy as he had realised that it was for a full day.
It was great that DS1 had been in a preschool that was attached to school, so he(and I) knew about 75% of the class beforehand. It really him to settle.
I was struggling with getting organised re: packed lunches and uniform, but it is becoming our normal routine now.

Ds started school two weeks ago.

To get organised and not have last minute rush, try to get uniform in good time so that you've got time to label it. And make sure you've got some of the shoe labels so that when you go last-mintue to get school shoes (incase they grow EVEN more during the holidays) you can still label them easily.

If you eg do school run on way to work, make sure that you leave in good time so that you don't have to park in an inaccessible location - get there early and have a 5min sit in the car (ds loves playing music REALLY LOUD ).

Agree with others about not aiming to do too much after school - although a trip out on a bicyle, walk round the park or similar is quite good after an initial rest after getting home.

If you do have a 'velcro child' (liked term already used by someone else) - aim to get in, deposit child asap and get out again - don't hang around as it prolongs the agony for both yourself and child - your child will probably not be crying 5mins later - this passed on by fellow mum.

Alternatively, try to get lo to say goodbye before they rush off into the classroom as once they've got there, they are unlikely to want to bother saying goodbye to you!

And don't expect them to want to come home either.

I think that 'school' is hyped up a lot to make us believe that we are so amazingly relevant!

I mean the reality of life now is that most women work inside and outside the home. Not many are fortunate enough to be a SAHM, and so school is just a continuation of childcare really.

My DD has been lookd after and learing things, listening to stories, doing arts and crafts etc for a year before she started reception this year.

I took a massive pay cut to stay at home with her untill she was two, but when we were ready I went back to work (I work for myself from home) and she went off to her preschool.

For me that was the heartbreaker, and i suspect it is for most mums - when they go back to work, and have their kids in childcare.

This thread is really at the wrong time - not only three weeks late as someone pointed out - but I feel it should be in the 1980s, before we all had crippling mortgages and no choice about having our kids looked after by someone else while we had the dubious pleasure of working to keep a roof over our heads.

We have already had the big 'Bye bye darling, Mummy loves you, and see you later' session when we went back to work, some years ago.

School is a breeze in comparison, as at least the kids at 4 and 5 don't bite each other!!! And we know that our kids are toilet trained, and reasonably coordinated at that age, so we don't have to worry too much about changes of clothes, spills and nappies etc.

The 'Going to School Experience' is overshadowed by the 'Going back to work and finding childcare experience' Been there, done that IMHO.

zazen - there is a lot of truth in what you say. Both DW and I had to get used to doing the "see you later, darling" thing when ours were toddlers. When I see mothers weeping on the first day of Reception I just think "oh FGS get a life. Yes, it's so terrible, you're going to have all day to yourself, every day, from 9 till 3. Diddums."

Dump them and run.

Zazen, most women aren't fortunate enough to stay at home........or is it a case of most women are not prepared to sacrifice the quality of life, car, tv, nice clothes etc to have the privilege of doing so? I am one of those who, decided from word go to stay at home no matter what it took, and so, we went down to one car, I caught the bus everywhere, lived in very small bungalow, didn't aspire to buying anything we didn't need, and had a blissful 4 years with my DS before no2 arrived, the same again, although we were lucky enough to be able to move, and no 3 came along 4 years ago. Yes I do feel very lucky and privileged that I am able to stay at home but it has not all been GMTV and lunches out. I have sacrificed a lot to be able to stay at home and am proud that I have done so. I know many women who say arent you lucky, whilst driving off in their flashy car, having dinner out often, buying bigger and bigger flat screen TVs, furnishing houses like something from the pages of NEXT, and new clothes galore. Some of it is choice tho I do recognise for some it is necessity. I am in the minority now and I think it is sad. I will not now be thinking I've got from 9 until 3 free UD, because I will be going out to get a job that fits in with school hours to contribute to the family income (after a couple of months of headspace that is). MY choice. And yes I did have a bloody good cry after I dropped him off as he has been at home with me for 4 years (apart from few mornings at pre school)and I will miss him. A VERY natural parent emotion. So actually it has not been a breeze for me in the slightest, I had meltdown when DC 3 started as my career for the last 10 years has been baking, playing, swimming, arts crafts, learning, walking and making my kids feel safe secure and happy. Incidentally all 3 went off happy as larry with no problems. I am not trying to sound all smug and like my way is the only right way but it does annoy me when people think it is the easy option. Not always. Rant over. Suspect will have upset a few people no malice intended.

Woah easy CIO was that aimed at me?!
Don't shoot the messenger

As I said I sacrificed a lot to take two years off - before my DD went to playschool - and I only had the minimum maternity benefit, for 6 months of that as I'm self employed. I sold my car, cancelled everything more or less, didn't buy any clother, took week holidays with relatives in the country, and having SAHM status for those early precious years cost me over 50K in earnings.

The point I'm making, is that for many mothers and fathers, the bye byes have been said already when the children are younger for childcare, so this research is more relevant for the 1980s, when most women were able to be SAHM and Going to School (as distinct to going to creche etc) was the big move for the children!

Very wise Califrau - we're all on Echinacea and multivits minerals here, oh, and obsessive hand washing!

Woah easy CIO was that aimed at me?!
Don't shoot the messenger

As I said I sacrificed a lot to take two years off - before my DD went to playschool - and I only had the minimum maternity benefit, for 6 months of that as I'm self employed. I sold my car, cancelled everything more or less, didn't buy any clothes, took 1 week holidays with relatives in the country, and having SAHM status for those early precious years cost me over 50K in earnings.

The point I'm making, is that for many mothers and fathers, the bye byes have been said already when the children are younger for childcare, so this research is more relevant for the 1980s, when most women were able to be SAHM and Going to School (as distinct to going to creche etc) was the big move for the children!

Very wise Califrau - we're all on Echinacea and multivits minerals here, oh, and obsessive hand washing!