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MNHQ

Quick top tips on how to cope when your child starts school for the first time

58 replies

carriemumsnet · 22/09/2008 16:44

Does anyone have any top tips to pass on to parents who found the whole child starting school for the first time a bit traumatic and sad?

The Evening Standard are doing an article on how parents, and particularly mums, cope with this parenting milestone and have asked for Mumsnetters' views and top tips.

As usual the deadline's pretty tight so if you could post your quick tips here, that would be grand.

If you're one of the mums who were whooping and cheering as your child toddled off to school for the first time, do feel free to share as well

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 22/09/2008 20:10

Just get a grip. It's only school. All children go there. They learn lots of things and make lots of friends.

maretta · 22/09/2008 20:13

I remember saying to ds 'do you like so and so'.
He said 'No' and I thought ouch! a bit harsh.
Then he said 'No, I've not talked to him yet.'

So my tip, remember it takes a 4 year old a while to do their social vetting of an entire class. Don't even think about worrying about their new best mate being unsuitable or non-existant until after half term. At least.

saggers · 22/09/2008 20:39

I made a little note to give to my DD. She kept it in her pocket and could get it out and look at it if she missed me. One one side it said I love you, on the other See you soon. (The teacher said she now recommends the idea to other new parents.) At the end of the first week DD brought me one home that she'd made for me!

SalVolatile · 22/09/2008 20:56

Yeah, remember it's not compulsory to feel sad, it's better that children learn to embrace new things. If you are one of those who are relaxed about your dc starting school don't ignore the sobbing mum on your right - give her a good shake and buy her a coffee

NODDYRULES · 22/09/2008 20:57

My 3rd and last DS started last week. This is really from a mum's perspective as he was fine and cant wait to get into school every day, literally running ahead of me to get there. I was in bits the week before. I wrote him a poem the night before he started and sobbed heart out for 4 hours (didnt give to him) Although I did still have a few tears when I dropped him off I think I got most of it out the way the night before. Luckily DH was able to come with me to carry on talking to me while I smiled like a mad woman with big dark glasses on, tears running down face all the way to the car, stifling wailing sobs. So my advice is, a letter or poem the night before to your child but for them to read sometime years ahead in the future, if feel like crying , cry (as long as DC doesnt see), and big dark glasses. Then big smile and hug for DC and off you go, turning only to wave once. Also another thing I have done with other DS was to give him something'special' and 'magical' to keep in his pocket, not to take out but to feel so that he knows mummy is thinking of him. It was a glass pebble thingey. But then I am sad, emotional crackpot of a mother.

Bridie3 · 22/09/2008 21:05

I didn't feel sad when my children started school--they were excited and I was excited for them.

I couldn't wait, though, to get them home and hear their stories of the first day. Only, of course, they didn't say much about it as they were shattered.

morningpaper · 22/09/2008 21:31

I didn't feel sad, I was quite happy that I'd done my time at home with her and now she was OFF into the world

I was very happy

I think I drew a message on her tummy in biro so she would know I was thinking of her, and gave her kisses and (imaginary) small fairies to put in her pockets - but I had been bigging school up for AGES so she was raring to go

My tip: smile crazily at everyone: the first 2 weeks are CRUCIAL at getting into the school-gate cliques

Bluestocking · 22/09/2008 21:39

Doesn't anyone else on here have a job? I don't take my DS to school, I take him to a childminder, and she takes him to school. Starbucks with the other mums? In my dreams ...

CRACKITOPEN · 22/09/2008 21:44

Yes I have had a job for the past ten years - child rearing!!!

CRACKITOPEN · 22/09/2008 21:47

Read some books a few weeks before they start about 'starting school', lots in the library, keep mentioning it in conversation. Talk about all the exciting things they will do and all the new friends they will meet and play with. Ask them to draw you a picture on their first day and you will put it up somewhere special in the house.

Bluestocking · 22/09/2008 21:50

Sorry, CIO, didn't mean to inadvertently start a SAHM/WOHM schism - I did, of course, mean "doesn't anyone else on here have a job outside the home". I consider myself well and truly chastised.

CRACKITOPEN · 22/09/2008 21:58

No offence taken BS. I will be going back down the mines at some point soon now last DC is packed off. The thing is, I truly have considered staying at home full time with my kids a career. Starbucks was a perk of the job

PuppyMonkey · 22/09/2008 22:04

Anyway, the Standard ARE three weeks late with this story!

AttillaTheHan · 23/09/2008 09:01

I was pretty happy when ds started school this time.
One thing we did to make his first term easier was to let him practice with his lunchbox a couple of times before starting school, oh and also with his PE kit. This also saves the teacher and TA the inevitable nightmare at the first PE lesson if none of the kids are familiar with their kit.

Oliveoil · 23/09/2008 09:26

I wasn't bothered

dd1 cried for 6 weeks and it was dreadful
dd2 runs in without a care

what helped dd1 was LOTS of TLC

and I kept her off for a day or two feining 'illness' so we had the odd day curled up on the sofa (it's reception fgs, not the army)

also a book called Starting School by the Albergs (sp?) lots of lovely detailed pics of children at school and what they do

Oliveoil · 23/09/2008 09:34

this book

I don't think you can get new copies any more

laundrylover · 23/09/2008 09:35

We've just gone through this and despite my initial joy at the end of summer hols I actually found it quite distressing (I am usually a hard woman)!

My top tip is to expect very tired kids...here they start full days from day one and DD1 was shattered for the first two weeks. Straight home and crashed out in front of TV with mug of milk. She also adopted a snuggle blanket and started having nightmares which needed catching and releasing out of the window. She would ot tell us anything about school, just grunt!

Now, three weeks in she isn't so tired, talks about school more and we have to play schools during all waking hours. DP, DD2 and I have to register for breakfast, then we have a story. At tea time we are allowed phonics time an at present we are also fitting in a Five Senses lesson using a text book created by DD1.

deanychip · 23/09/2008 09:54

Gave my boy a small tissue with a lipstick kiss on it.
Popped it into his pocket,
Told him "if you feel sad, pull out the kiss and remember that there is always a kiss in your pocket from mummy"
Keep it till i come and get you.

UnquietDad · 23/09/2008 10:06

Don't talk about mums, mums, mums all the time. Some dads do the school run. Please don't ignore them or make then feel like you are all a cackling coven giving him the evil eye for daring to commit the sin of having a penis.

Bridie3 · 23/09/2008 11:10

Quite right, UQD.

We have a dad 'school-runner' in our circle of friends. I take my hat off to him for braving the covens at the school gate.

CRACKITOPEN · 23/09/2008 11:21

Ha HA UD, good for you, my DH often does the school run as do quite a few Dads. Sorry new to this site, didnt realise Dads were on it, solely based on name of site, that is.

UnquietDad · 23/09/2008 11:22

We have a Dadsnet section. It does seem to be mainly about sport, cars and totty though.

CRACKITOPEN · 23/09/2008 11:25

Ah all becoming clearer now. Makes sense to have a Dads section. So theres not much talk of children on there then

Pushpinia · 23/09/2008 12:02

I had another baby in advance.

actually I failed at the whole school thing. We did two terms and took him out, now we HE.

I missed him too much!

Pushpinia · 23/09/2008 12:06

oh and don't ask questions about their day/dinner/teacher/friends.

You'll get the silence or 'can't remember'. They seem to need to keep school and you separate in order to be able to cope.

The one day I walked in to hang up his coat for him, he saw me in the context of the classroom and burst into tears - had been fine until then for weeks!

They will tell you random stuff eventually but just don;t ask.