Would you be prepared to talk about your experience of miscarriage for a Times piece highlighting our miscarriage campaign?

[JustineMumsnet]

Hi all,
Journalist Joanna Moorhead is writing an article for The Times about our miscarriage campaign and she'd like to hear from Mumsnetters who've suffered a miscarriage, and who have issues with the care they received. If you feel you weren't given enough information by medical caregivers; or you were treated insensitively, left near women who were still pregnant or women with babies, and would be prepared to talk about it (and possibly be photographed), she'd like to hear from you.
If you'd like to post here and can receive CATs please do and Joanna will contact you or if you'd rather, contact her direct at [email protected].

The article is planned for the week after next, so Joanna is hoping to research it over the next week, ie by August 1.

Many thanks.

I really do hope that there is a mention of how mums are treated in subsequent pgs too, as that was where I found things 1)hardest, and 2)lacking in understanding, from professionals who I hoped would have a clue what it was all about.

Would be willing to elaborate on this if needed, but atm I've no CAT [really should get round to it...]

I'm happy to share my experiences so please feel free to contact me at [email protected]

stringerbell- 'after all women in the 3rd world manage these things on their own'

that's an appalling thing to say, and incredibly stupid as well.

Did you complain? I think you have reason to!

I had my mc in the summer of 2004 [I think].

I was very sick, as was norm for me [morning, noon & night job].

We went for the dating scan at around 8 weeks [because of the sickness, it may have been twins etc]. There was no heartbeat, and she dashed off to get a second opinion. I had to throw up and went to toilets. Got back and waited with dh and the scanner. About 20 mins later [not too bad really] another scanner came in and confirmed that here was no heartbeat.
We were then taken up to the ante/post natal department to have another scan [in the same room as the 20 week scans] All stay to confirm, and then dash off.
I keep throwing up.
They put me in a room on the maternity ward so I can lie down and throw up.
Male consultant eventually turns up a couple of hours later listening to other people's happy chatter and newborns, and we discuss options. He is in favour of an 'immediate' d&c. I am not. We agree that I can wait 2 weeks before I come in for the tablets and pessary [?] version.
He tells me that the eventual mc will be like a bad period.
2 weeks later, still throwing up we turn up at the ante/post natal department where I am taken for an internal scan [walking through the maternity ward] Despite me telling them I am allergic to latex, she uses a normal condom over the thing. She then had a go at me for leaving it and that I was lucky not to be dead from infection.
Another couple of hours of sitting in the waiting room with pregnant women looking at the scan pics I was taken into what must have been a meeting room and sat down to fill in some forms with some one who was either too busy to care or just plain didn't.
I saw her writing 'termination' on my notes and asked her to change it. She looked at me and told me it was the same thing. I argued that medically it might be the same thing but to me it was completely different. She then handed me two big tablets and told me to swallow them. Then sent us on our way telling us to come back in two days for the pessary.
Because they did this on the women's day care ward, dh wouldn't be allowed in.

Early that morning I started to contract and bleed heavily. We turned up and sat for [again] a couple of hours until I could go in and talk to the sister of the ward who was really lovely. Then dh had to go.
She explained everything that was going to happen and so with the curtains drawn around the bed I miscarried.
It was all over very quickly for me, but I wasn't allowed to go home until the afternoon.
A change of shift later [she came to wish us well] another batch of nurses came on the ward.
They stood at the nurses station and discussed who was in which bed for what. And start discussing babies and pregnant friends.
A few hours later, they pop their heads round the curtain to take my blood pressure before telling me I look too pale and can't go home yet. Then they talk about me amongst themselves. I definately hear 'she deserves what she gets' I guess that the woman filling in the forms didn't change 'termination' to 'missed mc'

In the evening they changed shifts again, and the nice sister popped her head in. I was released 30 mins later. While waiting for dh she told me what to expect over the next few days and that there would be a service in the chapel followed by cremation if I wanted to attend.

My experience isn't as bad as most because there were some very nice people mixed up with the not so nice.
I'm not sure it's any good for you. I'm not sure about the photo either though.

Joanna - you ask for opinions at to why we're treated insensitively when m/c. I can't help but feel that the medical profession are just numbed by the sheer volume of early m/c and treat them as medically normal. As such, their matter of fact approach reflects the fact that this is a quite normal fact of life. After all, they don't know why we're m/c, most of us will go on to have normal pg, and resources are better directed at those medical cases where devoting time and resources is likely to affect the outcome.

I think the fact that so many women feel so strongly about their treatment while m/c indicates that the nhs ought to review it's treatment of us. After my first pg ended in an early m/c I was given the clear impression that this was 'very normal'. I didn't grieve and I assumed that subsequent pg would be OK. I was entirely unprepared for the fear I felt in subsequent pg that my body would let me down again. After two successful pg, my fourth pg also ended in early m/c and I think that for my fifth (and successful) pg, I was very close to depression for much of the pg. Although I got reassurance from one MW who I broke down in tears in front of in first trimester, that underlying fear never really left me. The overwhelming feeling that your first three mc wouldn't matter to the nhs makes you feel very vulnerable. I wonder if maternity staff, gps etc need to be trained to treat mc as the death of a loved one that we experience, rather than just a medical event.

I had 2 MC last year. First was missed. Found out at scan. The Sonographer said she thought it was a molar pregnancy. We were sent up to the day unit so not near pregnant ladies. However we sat for 3 hours. My blood was taken by a doctor who clearly didnt want to be there, he also didnt tell us anything, didnt explain what Molar was. We were sent home by the nurse who told me to phone next day to find out blood results!
I looked up Molar on computer the next morning. Phoned hospital in tears and the nurse was lovely explained a little bit more for me and told me she would organise for me to be phoned as soon as bloods in and doctor would see me straight away.
I went back to hopsital late that afternoon. The Reg was nice explain that luckily I may not have had a Molar as hormone levels low. He examined me and recommended an ERPC. The next morning. I was phoned late that night 11pmish. A female doctor who told me she had taken me off the list as I did not need an ERPC as it wasnt a Molar!!!! I told her I didnt want the remains of a baby who died weeks ago left inside me. She could not understand why. I had to convince her that an ERPC was really the best thing for me. Cow. Woke me up to get on my nerves.
I got to hospital the next morning to find out I was at the end of the list because she had taken me off and "forgot" to put me back on.
Quite happy to talk and a picture. If you can get my ggod side

I had two miscarriages prior to DD being born (she is now 26 months). They were handled by different health authorities and very different level of compassions/care. I would be happy to discuss - my email is [email protected].

One doctor mentioned molar pregnancy with the first, but to this day I have no clue what that is. I'm off to research whilst I'm feeling strong.

I had a miscarriage at the age of 16 and was appaled at the way i was treated and how little was done for me but i think maybe that was just the hospital and the fact that i was 16 rather than the actualy codes of practice or anything
Hope people are treated better now than i was otherwise there really needs to be some more rules in place as to how to make it more bearable for young teenagers.

whomovedmychocolate: My GP sent me to A&E I was so scared I just went It was a weekend and after pub closing time so was surrounded by fighters and drunks.

Not sure how this story is going to end yet, but I thought it was apt.

I have lost a baby/babies (they think it was triplets) at 8 weeks. I then lost Lily-Hope at 20 weeks, she was born alive and lived for three unaided hours. Because of that they knew something (Antiphospholipid Syndrome) was wrong with me and when I next got pregnant they started me on treatment. I managed to get to 31 weeks, I've been told my body doesn't know that it has to go to term because it's always gone into labour early before (instead of their being a complication like PreE or something).

Anyway, I'm now coming up to 13 weeks pregnant and being treated again. I was told that they would take any concerns of mine seriously in this pregnancy as twice before my labour has been missed and obviously three pregnancies going (to some extent) wrong has left me feeling rather anxious about this one.

Tonight I found I was bleeding. I called The Women's Hospital and was told I needed to get out of hours doctor or A&E to refer me there before they would see me. Out of hours doctor said to wait it out and see what happened, they'd see me if it got worse. Called the hospital back (by now Mum has arrived) and she told them what had been said before. They told me to go to A&E if I was worried, which we're not happy about because a, I was told I'd be taken seriously and b, A&E is run by junior doctors who don't normally understand my condition (one sent me home with antibiotics for a UTI when I was in labour with Lily-Hope).

I'm booked in for EPAU at noon so I've got 13 scary hours to wait and see if everything is ok.

I'm a high risk pregnancy and I've lost two before, you'd think they would show some compassion.

Also, I told the staff-nurse that I was booked in, have already had appointments there and scans and she said "Tell me the truth, have you already been seen here?" Mum had to take the phone off me! I started listing times, dates and appointment codes for the three appointments and two scans.

I'm going to talk to PALS in the morning because it's not on.

Oh god, I'm so sorry that they are putting you through this sh*t at such a crappy and worrying time.

I'll be crossing my fingers (and everything else) for you

Tink

Tink that's horrible. Thinking of you. Was it Liverpool Women's? They had an emergency walk-in centre when I was pg with dd.

Anyhow - what a horrible time for you.

It's Birmingham. Heartbeat seen and no obvious cause for bleeding, so all's well.

However I do feel that this highlights the what ifs. Why aren't women who have suffered through so many previous pregnancies taken seriously when they're worried about something? Why are we treated as though we're wasting people's time before the baby is what, 16 weeks? If I hadn't pushed I wouldn't have been seen this afternoon. I could have lost the baby and not realised and wouldn't have known until goodness knows when.

I'm so glad to hear that the baby is still well. Have been thinking about you all.

Did you complain to PALs ?

No, they were closed yesterday. I'll be going back there though.

couldnt agree more tink. when i was pg with ds i bled from 5w-22w pretty much non-stop, whenever the spotting became bleeding i would ring epu or nhs direct in hysterics and get the "if you are going to mc then you will, having a scan wont change a thing" 7mcs later i know thats true, but i will still ring up and push for an appt.

in fact when i had my ep i rang epu because i was bleeeding and the mw told me to wait another week until my appt. good job i didnt, because 1d later my tube ruptured and i nearly died.

Exactly, there could be a problem but also it's not good for the baby if it is healthy for the mother to be stressed out. If they get them checked over and a scan it's going to calm them down and reassure them and that's far better for baby. A study followed New York women who were pregnant during September 2001 and their babies after birth. They found that the children had high levels of serotonin. Maternal stress can impact on a child for the rest of their life.

My experiences with two miscarriages wasn't as bad as some here, but pretty horrible all the same. First time (at 7 weeks) the main thing was the ubrupt and dismissive attitude of the staff on the ward. I was crying so much I found it hard to answer questions and the receptionist started tapping her nails on the desk. No one told me what was going to happen next, who I would be seeing and why, how long I might be waiting or anything (but that is pretty standard for the NHS sadly)
2nd time I started bleeding at nearly 12 weeks. The main thing that upset me this time was the very junior dr who kept giggling while talking to me (nerves I think, but it didn't help), waiting in a room full of pregnant women and being told 'it's very common, you don't need to worry about it'.
I was asked what I wanted to do and decided to go home and let nature take it's course. I should have thought about it, but no body warned me about the amount of blood I might lose or the pain. I woke up that night with the whole bed drenched in blood.

I think because miscarriage is treated as so minor because it is so common. But so is death (we are all going to die, after all) and we don't treat that as unimportant. It's always going to be a horrible experience but a bit of TLC can really help.

Thanks so much to everyone who's posted here. It's been really helpful, and I've had longer chats on the phone with several posters.

I'll let you know when the piece is due to appear - I'm still writing it so not for a few days yet...

Joannax