Would you be prepared to talk about your experience of miscarriage for a Times piece highlighting our miscarriage campaign?

[JustineMumsnet]

Hi all,
Journalist Joanna Moorhead is writing an article for The Times about our miscarriage campaign and she'd like to hear from Mumsnetters who've suffered a miscarriage, and who have issues with the care they received. If you feel you weren't given enough information by medical caregivers; or you were treated insensitively, left near women who were still pregnant or women with babies, and would be prepared to talk about it (and possibly be photographed), she'd like to hear from you.
If you'd like to post here and can receive CATs please do and Joanna will contact you or if you'd rather, contact her direct at [email protected].

The article is planned for the week after next, so Joanna is hoping to research it over the next week, ie by August 1.

Many thanks.

Am happy to talk about both my early miscarriages and be photographed. Was told by GP in subsequent pregnancies 'won't bother giving you a blue folder yet in case your baby dies' .

He didn't btw. He's sat on my knee biting my elbow

Have emailed Joanna - my experiences were very good, but might help to show that good practice can and does happen in busy NHS hospitals.

Would be happy to talk - had very mixed experiences with differing standards of HCP

The nurse who spoke to me after a scan confirmed my miscarriage said "you know, twenty years ago, you wouldn't even have known you were pregnant - you probably would just have thought it was a heavy period." But it wasn't twenty years ago, I did know I was pregnant (and had known for several weeks) and it was a very much wanted pregnancy after two years of ttc. I'm sure she thought she was being helpful...

Mrs Weasley, that's just horrible

I'd never ever show up at A&E with a suspected miscarriage for this reason. Frankly I'm bloody terrified of hospitals and this sort of thing is the reason why. Dehumanising treatment because doctors treat bodies not people.

These stories are all so sad- I'm so very sorry that you have all had to experience this.

I was very lucky- my GP was very sympathetic, my m/c was early, and she told me exactly what to expect and what to look out for, but in a caring and empathic manner.

Hi Joanna here...thanks so much everyone who's posted here. Much appreciated. It's all very helpful for my piece - even where people don't want to be named or don't have a long story, the incidents you describe can still be threaded in to the article.

I'm sorry about the picture stipulation, that's the editor's not mine...also I'm just as interested in people in Scotland as London or anywhere else in the UK.

ButterflyMcQueen, have you emailed me? If not, would you mind getting in touch as I'd like to speak to you if that's OK. Also Marina and DrNortherner.

I'm [email protected]

Has anyone got any thoughts as to WHY women are so often treated insensitively when they're miscarrying (it's happened to me too btw, three times - or at least, I've had three miscarriages, only went to hospital for the first though. was told I needed a D&C and left for two hours in a waiting room. Finally crept out to find out when I was going to theatre to find the place deserted - they'd all gone home and forgotten about me!)

But I wonder if anyone has thoughts as to why...is it historic, as in there's a history in the maternity services of women losing babies and the mindset hasn't caught up with times in which fewer babies die at birth...ie what I'm saying I guess is that childbirth is safer, so we have different expectations of any pregnancy, but the caregivers see things differently.

Or is it that they're so busy, they just don't have time to give to TLC for couples in this situation?

Or is there an attitude that if you lose this one, you'll be successful in a future pregnancy so what are you making a fuss about (I definitely had that attitude in one of my pregancies - the doctor actually said to me when I went for a 'reassurance' scan that he didn't know what I was fussing about, I was young and if this one died, there would be others).

Anyone got any thoughts?

I would be happy to talk about my experiences as well. I have had 2 early miscarriages.

I think it's a combination of all those things - miscarriage is routine for maternity staff in the NHS, I suppose - and perhaps some of them (not all of them) forget that for you it isn't routine - it's heart-breaking. There is definitely an attitude of "well, it happens - and there's no reason you won't go on to have a healthy pregnancy" which is also true, for most women, but doesn't help you much at the time.

Plus, all the other factors you have to take into account with the NHS - they are over-stretched, under-staffed...after the scan which confirmed my miscarriage my husband and I were shown into a room (away from all the other smiling mummies clutching blurry scan pictures) and told that the consultant would be along to talk to us. We waited two hours...I just wanted to go home but we felt obliged to stay. When he did come he just did the "these things happen, no reason for it to happen again..." spiel.

My GP was lovely - but then she knew me, she knew how long I had been ttc, she knew how delighted I had been to be finally pregnant - at the hospital I was just another woman who'd had an early miscarriage.

Do you think it falls betweeen different areas - as indeed childbirth and pregnancy do as well? It's not just medical, but it is medical, and it is emotionally loaded in a different way from other sorts of 'news-breaking'...

Just a thought.

Death is routine in hospices tho, Soren, and that didn't stop the two nurses who were with me when DH died sitting and holding my hand and crying with me. and 'later' they let me sit with him and lit a candle (non religious type thingie) for him.

and took the kids in to say goodbye with me. And the staff would hug us and helped to comfort us.

12 hours before they have done the same for a muslim lady, had turned her bed to face Mecca, played tapes of reading on the Koran, and llooked after the 30 or so woman who were weth this lady while she was dying. They had set aside the garden if they needed to 'wail'. It was all done with superb tact which cost little and meant so much

There are good ways and bad ways of dealing with loss and it is more about ethos and attitude than money I think

I'd be happy to talk about my experiences - I had three miscarriages before a successful pregnancy, and the 'care' stunk - both during the miscarriage and in subsequent pregnancy each time. And the worst thing was that no one seemed to care about the effect on me of all this - in my 4th pregnancy I was told by the midwife to pull myself together and start enjoying the pregnancy when I was severly stressed and anxious about the outcome.

I did make an official complaint, and actually found the letter yesterday which was their response - patronising didn't come into it.

would be happy to talk also.
remember my own experience in 94 and that of a mc lady opposite my mother in maternity ward all with new babies back in 82 very vividly.

I would like to talk and highlight the Hughes Syndrome side of things as that has been included in your recommendations. I can get loads of statistics and things from my support group.

I've had an 8 week miscarriage and a 20 week live birth, fortunately for me my daughter did survive birth because they tested me rather than waiting for me to lose Tink too(which would have happened) before testing. They found I had Hughes (antiphospholipid syndrome) and from that they saved Tink and are treating this pregnancy too.

I believe that Hughes Syndrome should be taken more seriously. It causes 1 in 10 of first time MCs and the chance of having it goes up with each loss. I believe it should be tested with the routine pregnancy tests and offered to women post miscarriage if they weren't tested during pregnancy. After all we're all tested for Sickle Cell and Thalassemia which we aren't all at risk of, we're all at risk of having Hughes Syndrome and it doesn't even need a relative with it for you to get it, it can just start anytime.

Agree with MB. Being compassionate costs nothing but is often so lacking in health professionals.

I have no direct experience of this, but I know the experiences of my friends and all, without exception, had appalling treatment at some point - be it being left alone for hours on end not knowing what was happening (again, in overstretched departments, it takes no time at all to pop your head round the door and just keep the patient updated on what's going on. Even if it's just to say "Hopefully won't be much longer" - It means so much) to getting short shrift from doctors/nurses who have told them how lucky they are that they already have a healthy child etc etc etc.

I find these experiences incredibly shocking, but sadly not surprising.

(MB, I didn't know about your DH - I'm so, so sorry darling.)

megcleary you are still entitled to the card even after you've lost a baby, I'm surprised your GP didn't tell you that. It gives you 21 months of free prescriptions, so I'd accept it.

I do hope the article will be balanced. I have had multiple mcs, early and late and an ectopic for which I needed surgery and the care I've received every time has been fantastically supportive, compassionate and caring from different hospitals and teams.

yes happy to be interviewed BUT it wasn't recently so may be better for those with recent bad experiences to be interviewed. Mine were 1990 and 2000

Agree with MB - it's thoughtfulness, kindness and just a bit of planning ahead that makes an enormous difference.

No, that's true, MB - and I don't know why so many women have experienced HCPs treating their miscarriage as routine - because compassion isn't hard to find and should be part of the 'job description' for those dealing with ill and bereaved people. The hospice sounds...amazing seems the wrong word ...but the staff sound like people who were not afraid to show genuine compassion and to grieve with you. Maybe amazing is the right word.

tinkerbellesmum i never seen any one after mc jsut a call from receptionist to collect script i did not require

there i feel a stigma of failure in some places attached to mc