We need your thoughts on late potty training

[rachel(mumsnet)]

BBC Radio Newcastle have asked us for our thoughts on This article featured today in The Mail. It claims that the average age of potty training is now three - four yrs and argues that there are big risks - both health-wise and psychologically in leaving it so late. There is also the question of why - are the nappy manufacturers to blame for creating more and more 'toddler-sized' nappies?

Other question put to us are:

What do mums think is an ideal age to get a baby out of nappies, or will it be a decision that varies with each child?

Do mums feel social pressure from others in their peer group or their own parents to get their kids out of nappies?

Any tips for getting kids out of nappies?

Many thanks in advance for your input.
MNHQ

I took my DD out of nappies just before she turned three. No training required, took nappy off, she used toilet. I'm a lazy bugger so that's why I waited.

I was speaking to a urologist about this and he reckoned the way I did potty training with my daughters (waiting for them till they were 2.5 or nearly 3) because the brain-bladder connection is properly formed by then.

he reckoned that early forced potty training could cause problems later eg asking toddler to empty (only partially filled) bladder could cause irritable bladder and frequent unnecessary trips to loo when older (ie not experiencing the true full-bladder feeling)

also wrt night training, my dd's have both been "late" and wearing nappies at night carries no stigma for us, indeed it's preferable to wet beds/changing in the middle of the night.

This is not my experience at all. My mum loves telling people how I 'informed' her that I would stop wearing nappies on my 3rd birthday & not a day before!! Apparently I changed my mind & chose to go without a couple of weeks before, and this was the 1970s.

My children - ds potty trained at 2.7 from disposables. His nursery key-worked suggested trying a couple of months earlier but it turned out he wasn't ready. Dd, despite wearing reusables, was ready at exactly the same age. So there goes the whole reusables vs. disposables & girls vs. boys debate!

Fwiw, ds still sometimes wets at night but refuses to wear nappies unless we're away from home, so again can't blame it on him not feeling wet, he just can't control it.

One of the sources cited in the article was a tv production manager - I'm speculating but as it's a 'media' job, could this be a friend who's helped her out by coming up with an interesting idea rather than something she's researched?

I agree with allytjd - older generations have rose tinted specs about when they potty trained us.And it was easier because they usually didn't drive or go far. That was my biggest challenge - avoiding accidents on the move.

Potty training is just one of those things where the child tells you when to start.

I think being consitant is the key.
Giving up at any time just prolongs it.

Bantammum, you are right when you say the hardest part is going out anywhere - that is where many fail - its more convenient to relent if you are going ut in the car. I dont think tht is any good for the child. I think it is a bit like stopping smoking - to successfully stop you need to never smoke again and break the mindset and comfort of the habbit.

If we were all at home all the time and never went out, we could give our child full support to break the habbit and potty training would be easy. I suppose that is where our stay at home mums had an advantage.

Well, I've read through all these comments and seen a lot of useful responses.

I'm surprised by several things:

• The overwhelming number of people who feel "the child will tell you when it's ready". How will it know, if you don't tell it what you want?

There are almost NO* posts on the side of early training. Even the few who dared to mention it did so very diffidently, maybe because of the fierceness of some people's posts. Yet as long as the child is not forced or punished, there is NO evidence to suggest it is a bad thing.

• NO-ONE has mentioned the well-recorded connection between late training and problems with bladder control right into teenage years. If a child does not have to control its sphincters, the muscles that give strong control do not develop. The internet is full of sad stories of people who had this problem as teenagers. My own sister in law has a 14-year-old who still sometimes wets himself, to his intense embarrassment.

• NO-ONE has talked about the connection between continuing to use nappies and sexual fetishes in adulthood.

If this thread had been started in China, or Chile, we would find that a child still in nappies at 2 is considered to be a late developer. Early training (at first without the child being aware that it's being trained) is normal there. It is we who are late.

Bea

Bea do you have any links to support points 3 & 4?