Irrelevant Bickering on threads

[StewkeyBlue]

On the whole I agree with the light touch / free speech moderation of MN.

But could de-railing threads with irrelevant bickering not involving the OP be included as ‘not in the spirit’?

It’s fine on theoretical discussion threads but not when a distressed, fragile or vulnerable OP is seeking support and advice and her thread is taken over by aggressive bickering which has nothing to do with the OP.

It’s such bad manners, it is one of the things that clogs MN with ‘bad vibes’, it’s tiresome and extends threads and you can see that often it puts the OP off her own thread.

What does anyone think? A banner on Relationships and other boards about personal advice? A ‘bickering’ report warning on boards about personal matters (by which I mean relationships, health, babies etc rather than holiday suggestions / news / politics) .

This is not a TAAT but as a current and minor e.g of what I mean, the side argument about location tracking , shared finance etc on the ‘H Fishing’ thread.

Hi @StewkeyBlue

Thanks for raising this issue - we do understand your concerns about threads that get derailed by pointless bickering.

Justine posted on this recent thread (which wasn't in Site Stuff, so you may have missed it) and addressed the issues of unnecessary meanness and derailing.

Here's what she posted:

Hi all, Thanks for raising this - it's something we've been discussing internally as we've noticed the same shift you’re describing and we agree it’s something we need to get a much firmer grip on. Debate is part of Mumsnet’s DNA, but unnecessary meanness isn’t, and it helps absolutely no one. We’ve already put a plan in place to tighten things up. It’s not just about deleting the really obvious personal attacks, but tackling the low-level sniping and pile ons that drain the life out of threads and discourage people from posting in the first place. That means more proactive involvement from us earlier in a thread, not just sweeping up afterwards. One thing that really helps is reporting. There are around 25,000 posts a day on here, so we really don’t see that much in real time. If something feels off, please do report it. We promise to read things in context and we’d much rather step in early than let a thread spiral. Most people on here genuinely want to give support or perspective. When that gets drowned out by needless nastiness, everyone loses. So thank you to everyone who’s raised this. We hear you, we agree with you, and we’re working on it.

We are trying to be much more present on threads and will post MNHQ messages to help things get back on track where necessary, so please report anything you think we should see. We absolutely rely on your reports to let us know what's going on.

Could you also include "unnecessary contrariness" to this? I've just been reading a thread where the OP is having some undeniably annoying issues with her MIL and is understandably fed up. Instead of receiving some much needed support she's met with the "oh that wouldn't ever bother me!" crowd and then a list of all the things she could say which OP has already outlined that she already has! I would love to see these posters in real life when they have the same problem. I doubt they'd be quite so dismissive of it then!

Hi @StressyMcStressFace - please do report any posts like that so we can take a look at the thread as a whole. Obviously context is everything, but if we feel that certain posts are not in the spirit of the site then we'll take the necessary action - and, if necessary, post on the thread to ask that people at least read the OP's posts before responding.

I was following a recent thread which was deleted after the OP deregistered. I'm not surprised she gave up on MN as many of the posts on that thread were awful and the opposite of helpful. MNHQ deleted some posts and added a reminder not to get into unhelpful arguments, but some mean-spirited posts were allowed to remain.

The OP was in a difficult and stressful situation with little real-life support and I wish she felt she could have stayed and got more support and advice here.

Would it be possible to ban certain posters from particular threads? E.g. if a poster's only response to someone's upsetting situation is to kick them when they're down, or to victim-blame, or to post misogynistic advice or to boast that they would never have let themselves end up in that situation, then they shouldn't be able to post on that thread anymore. If that isn't technically possible, how about a temporary ban instead?

I’m so glad to see this discussion. I really think there’s a lot of real damage coming from some of the pile ons here. If I see if I try to say something to defend op in hopes it can act as a salve but lots of times the op seems to just get hurt when she’s already hurting. So sad. Since when can’t people admit to being human and making mistakes without being raked over the coals for it?

Hi there @Cattenberg . We probably wouldn't ban someone from a single thread; we tend to take the view that if you're not behaving well enough to post on one thread you're probably not going to be a bucket of fun anywhere else either. However, we do ban or temporarily suspend people if they are persistently breaking Talk guidelines or being needlessly mean. If it looks like someone just needs to cool off and take a break, we sometimes suspend just for 24 hours and email to let them know.

So there are lots of things we can do and do do, as well. We don't usually loudly announce this sort of thing on threads or in replies to reports unless someone is an out and out troublemaker and other posters need to know, as it feels a bit much for the person involved, so it might not look like a lot is happening sometimes, but we can and do step in in that way when needed.

We agree, it's always a real shame when an OP is the victim of a pile on of mean posts and just gives up. We're really trying to stop this happening so please do hit the report button where you see it and we'll do our best to turn threads around before that point.