Why is there no domestic abuse topic?

[Bbbabs]

It's a really important issue, and I feel like relationships is not the right place for it

Probably because a lot of women don't believe they are in an abusive relationship until posters point it out. Even then some women believe it's just a blip and he will change if only she could find the right words to explain it to him.

Er… because having a specific topic would mean if someone’s partner got their phone/laptop and saw they had posted in an actual topic for abuse, they would escalate their behaviour whereas when the wife posts in relationships, ‘is this reasonable… he threw me in a hole full of crocodiles for not pouring his cheerios exactly right’ it leaves women with deniability that they ever thought it was anything… just other people saying their opinions. Same reason womens aid has an escape button on the site.

What would be the value of having a separate topic?

Well I guess it would make it easier for women who are looking for support, advice, trying to find threads that will also apply to their own situations?

I also think abuse would be less likely to be minimised by other posters if there is a specific category for it. I have seen this happen.

@PflumPfeffer that's a good point, but I don't think it justifies not having our own space. Abuse doesn't just take place when you're still in the relationship though. Where there are shared children, an abuser is highly likely to carry on with post separation abuse and/or abuse of the children.

Also useful to discuss things like changes in litigation, court procedures, helping your children deal with abuse.

Hello @Bbbabs thanks for posting - this is something we’ve discussed at MNHQ a few times.

As other posters have said, many people who come to Mumsnet aren’t yet sure whether what they’re experiencing is abuse, and often first post on Relationships looking for perspective or validation. That board has a strong, experienced bunch of MNers who offer support and help posters recognise when a situation may be unsafe or controlling - in fact they've helped thousands leave abusive partners and for that we're forever grateful.

We’ve found that having those conversations within Relationships rather than in a separate topic helps ensure people who are still uncertain feel able to post. A DA topic may feel too specific or intimidating for someone who’s still working out what’s happening to them.

As ever, we keep this under review, and if users ever feel a dedicated space would help them connect or find resources more easily, we’re open to revisiting it.

In the meantime, we always encourage anyone in immediate danger to call 999. You can also contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) for confidential advice and support.

Hi @BeckyAMumsnet
Thanks for the response, that makes sense, but would you consider a post separation abuse topic? I would love to have a place to go to find advice and support specific to this? I was a victim of post separation abuse for 10 years before I even knew what it was or that there was a name for it. I think there are several issues that would fit in there perfectly that don't really fit in anywhere else, such as helping a child deal with the abuser (children still have to see the abuser, even when the children are subject to the abuse), the news from a couple of days ago re the changes in presumption of parental involvement that we are currently working with, strategies for dealing with post separation abuse etc. I would love to have topics such as the above all in the one place where they are easy to find.
It may also help to spread awareness as to what post separation abuse is.

omg yes you described me when I was with him exactly