Surrogacy Board

[TinkerTiger]

What is the purpose of this board? I’ve just seen this thread and comment after comment is berating the OP.

FWIW, I don’t support surrogacy but I understand that there are people who do and so I don’t get involved. Not every space is for me. It feels like people purposely go into the surrogacy board to preach at women who are exploring it.

Why is that allowed? What is the point of having a board if people can’t post and get their questions answered in peace?

I also disagree with surrogacy.
But if what people are doing is permitted in the UK (so people are permitted to bring a baby born by paid surrogate into the uk) I'm not convinced they shouldn't be allowed a board on mn.

Have maybe an 'ethics of surrogacy' board linked to from the 'supportive' board?

I'm an adopter. Some people disagree with that too. Does that mean adopters shouldn't be allowed a board?

I think it should be left but renamed Surrogacy Discussion or similar. Also change the description.

There is so much pro surrogacy propaganda out there, I think it’s really important to have a space for people who are considering it to see the other side. Posters are often shocked at the responses and it can be very uncomfortable to witness sometimes. You can tell they have never been exposed to the awful truth about surrogacy and it comes as a shock to hear that it’s not all “the greatest gift” nonsense.

I don’t think that people wanting to go through surrogacy should be given support.

Just because something can be done, doesn’t mean that it should.

And let’s not kid ourselves that commercial surrogacy in the UK isn’t legal. It may be illegal in those terms, but let’s be honest, a surrogate can be paid up to £20000 in “costs” how many people on here could say it cost them 20 grand to be pregnant. So people are absolutely making a living out of surrogacy in the UK and people are absolutely buying babies here.

I’m sure someone will be along in a minute to tell us all that unless you’ve been through infertility you have no right to judge. But they would be wrong. As I said, just because something can be done, doesn’t mean that it should.

This. One of the real powers of mumsnet is that people will be honest. Everyone who is interested in surrogacy should know the reasons why many of us have a problem with it. Surrogacy agencies will not list the problems. People who have had children through surrogacy will not list the problems. People who are considering surrogacy will not list the problems.

Cannot believe there even is such a category. What next an area we can traffick our teenage daughters on 🙄🙄

I'm okay with a surrogacy discussion board. I don't agree with forced 'support' for this practice being the only allowed view on the board - whilst personal attacks would still not be allowed, people would be allowed to air their views about the negative aspects.

Hi op, have you ever actually seen someone 'use' a surrogate in real life? As in not on mumsnet. Maybe then you might think differently.

I have actually witnessed it. I used to have a friend. The surrogate was Ukrainian, she had to be pregnant over in the uk where she knew no one and none of the language while raising her 2 young children and often baby sitting the commissioning parent's other child including in the summer heat. Then she had an emergency c-section and was swiftly dropped off afterwards, there was no staying at the commissioning parents' house for recovery or anything like that. Now she's back in Ukraine and expected just to carry on like the whole thing just never happened.

It is a brutal, controversial and highly exploitative practice and I think it's good that people are challenging it. That poor little baby would've spent months and months wondering where his birth mother went and no amount of 'well it was my egg' changes or erases that.

I hate that surrogacy tries to trick us into thinking pregnancy and childbirth are irrelevant but they both matter hugely.

And a recent thread seemed be asking how to bypass the law

If the surrogacy board is morally repugnant and should be removed then so should the donor conception board

The buying of women's (usually the same demographic that surrogates come from) eggs is just the same as buying their uterus

The OP has said they don't agree with surrogacy.

The thing is that board is set up almost to lure people who want support and advice in. The writing at the top makes clear it's for that. Then bam. Hit by poster after poster telling them it's wrong, some people in a "nicer" way than others. It's almost a trap at this point.

But that fact isn’t hidden. There are dozens of posts that are all the same. Take the most recent poster - there was a post 2 down called “Surrogacy rules for UK, abroad”. 2 below that is talking about Cyprus.

We don’t hide previous posts. If it is a trap it is a pretty shit one!

If you're a newbie who's found the site via Google or something and you just want to ask your question you won't go looking at other threads that might be irrelevant.

The thing is it's not a "safe space"

Hello, and thanks for your post. We kindly ask that you report posts to us if you have concerns as we’re unlikely to see them otherwise.

The Surrogacy board is intended as a place for people to share advice, experiences, and practical guidance. That said, we know surrogacy can be a sensitive and complex topic, and it’s understandable that people may feel strongly about it. While this board isn’t a space for ethical debates as such, we do allow users to raise ethical considerations as part of the broader conversation. We feel it’s important to allow a range of views, as long as those views are shared respectfully and constructively.

We completely agree, though, that this should never stray into berating or preaching at those who come here for support and comments that veer into personal attacks are against our guidelines. As ever, we’re grateful to everyone who contributes thoughtfully to these discussions.

No it’s not and I hate seeing people pile on a genuine OP. There are much nicer ways to get your point across, I bet most posters wouldn’t say it to someone’s face. It should be a safe space for support and guidance.

Because surrogacy is abhorrent. I wouldn't have an issue saying that to anyone's face. Babies aren't commodities to be bought and sold. Their mothers aren't there to be used and exploited. There is nothing "nice" about surrogacy so I won't be "nice" to people who want to go abroad and buy a baby from a vulnerable woman.

It absolutely shouldn't. There should be no safe spaces for people to share support and tips on how to buy and traffick babies or how to exploit women.

Im sorry but I feel the same. I feel so strongly about it I would politely say it to your face too. I’m old enough now the people pleasing hormones are on their way out, It’s wrong. You all know it’s wrong really. I feel so so sorry for those struggling with infertility but it doesn’t justify this.