Has anyone noticed how bitter people are here lol

[Annymania]

You ask a simple question and you get really weird responses, but I suppose that’s just the internet in general. I wonder if other people have noticed it. Also most things here involve people getting cheated on which I personally don’t like to read about (I know nobody asked lol)
bonus points if you call me a snowflake 😉 I wish we had better camaraderie between women but I’m so disappointed by answers I’ve been getting. Irrelevant stuff just to be bitchy (feels like)

People just like nit picking. Don't take it personally. Also you can ignore comments you find annoying. Hope you get your girl OP X

It’s not though the posters that are being critical may just do it for fun on an internet forum in rea life they may seen as the nicest people in the world.

You should never take anything anyone on Mumsnet says to heart. If you think you have been given good constructive advice use it just ignore all the critical posts.

Every fucking day we get a thread like this

OP, in the nicest possible way, the endless lols and emojis don’t make you come across as ‘harmless’, they make you come across as silly and inarticulate…!

Are you saying you're not in fact like this, and are performing stupidity because of some idea that it will make people like you and find you relatable? Who taught you this? Do you also do this in real life? Do you do it at work?

Surely, as the underwhelmed responses to your post about ‘trying for a girl’, and which of the names you listed was ‘less silly’, you realise this really doesn’t work as a way of signalling likeability?

If you’d written it in plain prose and said ‘We’re hoping to have a girl next time, and are a bilingual family hoping to honour some relatives — what about these names?’, you’d have had completely different responses.

Most posters aren’t ‘bitter’, your posts just didn’t strike them as ‘likeable’, and, not having met you, the lols and emojis made them think you were stupid enough to think you could definitely conceive a girl using internet tips and the Chinese lunar calendar.

@ReadingLight Someone making themselves sound silly by using lol is much more preferable to someone acting like a nasty school matron teaching posters etiquette and how to speak, your post comes across horribly and I'd rather read 20 posts from the OP than that

Not ‘teaching anyone how to speak’. The OP seems bewildered by some responses to another post of hers, and has said she deliberately uses emojis and lol to appear ‘harmless’. I’m simply saying that if this is a performance, it’s not having the desired effect on many. On the internet, all we have to go on is how someone writes. I actually think @Annymania sounds nice in her subsequent posts when she’s not being so lol-heavy.

Am I the only one who adds little ‘haha’s or whatever the make the conversation seem less harsh? I know it’s silly (please don’t call me stupid though) but I’m sure it’s relate-able. I think lots of women, especially my generation, are insecure/borederline scared of taking up space or being seen as anything other than kind. We subconsciously fake smile etc. sometimes. Of course this is just my opinion. It’s like people who end texts/messages with ‘x’ I don’t get it but I think it’s trying to seem harmless

I mean sure, if you spend all your time on AIBU and Chat and (to a degree) Relationships but have a look on some of the more niche topic boards and there are masses of genuinely kind and helpful responses and conversations.

If I ever get too dragged down by AIBU I go take a look at Wooly Hugs and it restores my faith in internet strangers.

I think lots of women, especially my generation, are insecure/borederline scared of taking up space or being seen as anything other than kind. We subconsciously fake smile etc. sometimes

Really?! Why do you think that? I think that's terribly sad. (And certainly not something I recognise). Don't let yourself be taken in by the whole #BeKind 'instruction'. That's just another way of shutting women up and not allowing us to express our true thoughts and feelings.

@Annymania
I do know what you mean, it's people's readiness to be combative and accusatory rather than begin from the basis that someone is, well, probably alright.

I remember a thread once where a poster was upset as she had hosted a party in her newly renovated house and some female guests had caused heel marks all over her brand new wooden floors. One poster told her that she should have all her floors entirely re-laid in tiles as they would be much harder wearing, and why on earth hadn't she considered this earlier?

It’s so good that you don’t feel that way, I honestly love that for you. Keep being yourself, I wish it didn’t affect me. I do feel we’re told to be ‘kind’ about certain things I don’t agree with. But that’s a whole other topic 😬 unkindness and disagreement aren’t the same. As I was saying here, I’ve seen a lot of unkindness for the hell of it (not actually disagreeing or even talking about the point) yet if I was to disagree about something ‘hashtag trendy’, it would be seen as unkindness when it’s not.
I feel like this doesn’t make sense but it does to me 🤦‍♀️
I think the insecurity thing is mostly us 21st century kids and internet generation. Anyway, I’ll shut up now (for a bit)

Yes, this is such a thing. It's the social version of women being more likely to apologise for their opinions and requests in a work setting, which I struggled with when I first graduated.

Have the confidence to realise that no-one will think less of you if you drop the "lol" or are a bit more straight talking. Even if you perceive it as coming across as harsh, most people will respect that you value your own opinion.

YAY I’m so happy it’s not just me, this makes me feel much better. It’s hard to overcome but I’m trying to work on it (especially now I’m even more aware)

I agree with you OP.

Especially, don't ever defend any aspects of your son’s parenting or his marriage - he is make, he is always wrong.

Don't ever defend your/a PP’s mil no matter how lovely she is.
Similarly, don’t ask for advice about staying in touch with your estranged DiL or your much loved grandchildren.

Don't ever try and be reasonable in dealing with others in real life. You will always be accused of ‘hiding something’ .The thread will spin out of anything true to your real life circumstance.

Exasperating.