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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Sex threads in Relationships

20 replies

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 14:16

Overnight we had threesomes and escorts in Relationships. One at least was started by a man, asking if sleeping with escorts (I'm using his wording) would 'save his marriage'.

This is what we're concerned about. They've both been put in Sex now. But this leakage of misogyny is a problem. We knew it would happen and it has.

I've noticed more apologists for shitty behaviour, rape, sexual assault, domestic abuse, anti-abortion as well. This is supposed to be a place women can support women.

I'm really concerned. It only takes a small amount of this, whether in RL or online to ruin a place's feel and atmosphere.

OP posts:
MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 28/02/2023 14:33

Hello @MrsTerryPratchett thanks for posting. We'll take another look at the threads you mention and will keep an eye out for similar. We've removed the Sex topic from Active now and are discussing the best way forward in moderating this part of the site.

Original poster
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 14:38

Thank you.

I think overnight, paid moderating is going to be the only way to keep it in its box.

And even then they aren't stupid and keep inside Talk Guidelines. It's not against them to just be an arsehole.

OP posts:
Alargeoneplease89 · 28/02/2023 14:53

Why click on the threads if you are triggered by them? We are all adults and it's frankly embarrassing that you click on them and provide unhelpful advice, if you assume its a troll you are under no obligation to answer the thread

Original poster
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 15:00

I'm not 'triggered' by them. I'm annoyed by them. And since I've worked with sex workers in more than one country for more than 30 years, I always go on those threads to combat the inevitable 'they just love sex' and 'you can check if they're trafficked' bullshit.

Anyway it's not about isolated wank fodder threads. It's about Relationships, which has assisted more than one woman to leave her abusive partner, being used for quite another purpose.

Which the people who started those threads know. The disingenuous nonsense is frankly insulting.

OP posts:
LangClegsInSpace · 28/02/2023 19:22

Yes, I saw these last night and agree with @MrsTerryPratchett.

Despite being in relationships, many of the responses were from sex board posters, posting as if they were on that board. The tone was very different from how relationships used to be and not really how Justine described the purpose of the sex topic either. The threesome thread in particular was blatantly fishing for wank fodder.

I also wondered if they had deliberately been started there to wind us up.

This is the culture you have created by relaxing how the sex topic works. I am grateful that the topic no longer appears in active but simply hiding it from view doesn't make the problem go away. Of course it spills out across the site. Many threads, especially on pornography, prostitution, strip clubs etc., have a very different tone from a year or so ago.

The overall demographics have changed and I don't know if it's possible to reverse that now. It would help if you reinstated the 90 day limit and took down the hookup thread.

I understand that the time limit was changed about a year ago and I've seen the suggestion that therefore this can't have had an effect. It seems to me that a year of lax standards is about right for word to get around, attracting a different kind of poster, and for the number of these new posters to build to a critical mass where they are no longer contained on the sex topic and are suddenly popping up everywhere around the site.

I note that these threads were moved to the sex topic rather than deleted. I have a technical question. If such a thread is started in, say, relationships, by an OP who has not been here long enough to post in the sex topic, and it's then moved to the sex topic, can the OP continue responding to the thread? I.e. is it possible for new posters to bypass the time limit by simply starting their inappropriate threads elsewhere and waiting to be moved? Or would you just delete such a thread if the OP had not been here long enough?

Pixiedust1234 · 28/02/2023 20:04

I reported that threesome thread and asked for it to be moved. It seemed very out of place in Relationships and very jarring considering a lot of women post there about the end of their marriage/long term relationships...mostly due to infidelity.

Original poster
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 20:07

Many threads, especially on pornography, prostitution, strip clubs etc., have a very different tone from a year or so ago.

And constant comments saying, "MN is the wrong place to ask, everyone is so anti-porn/sex work". Well isn't that the point? MN always prioritised women and therefore we were anti-exploitation and pro-women. There are a thousand places on the internet to go if you want everyone to agree that porn, lap dances, coerced sex and sex work are great.

MN seems to now be the the place to come if you want to tell women off for having boundaries.

For now we're holding the line but I'm conscious that helping women have and exercise boundaries actually saves lives.

OP posts:
BoreOfWhabylon · 01/03/2023 15:08

I also reported the threads in Relationships.

I've just looked at the infamous Hookup thread - they are now posting their details and disingenuously stating that they are most definitely not soliciting PMs. Oh no Hmm

LemonPeonies · 01/03/2023 15:14

Sex is a normal part of a relationship though?

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/03/2023 15:21

I suggest you try reading the thread again @LemonPeonies

Original poster
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/03/2023 15:34

LemonPeonies · 01/03/2023 15:14

Sex is a normal part of a relationship though?

Sex with prostitutes isn't.

And MN agreed.

OP posts:
LemonPeonies · 01/03/2023 16:09

Ah so it's only certain types of sex then. Noted.

MySugarBabyLove · 01/03/2023 16:15

LemonPeonies · 01/03/2023 15:14

Sex is a normal part of a relationship though?

Threesomes and prostitutes most certainly isn’t part of a normal relationship though.

And if it’s a threesome you’re after there are plenty of sites you can go looking for one of those, ditto if you’re looking for a prostitute. So my suggestion would be that you fuck off to one of those.

MySugarBabyLove · 01/03/2023 16:19

LemonPeonies · 01/03/2023 16:09

Ah so it's only certain types of sex then. Noted.

Oooh you catch on pretty fast I see.

But yes. Threesomes and prostitutes aren’t a normal part of any kind of normal relationship.

And given you seem to think that paying for prostitutes is a normal part of a relationship I can only guess that you’re a man and the relationships board is someone where (hopefully your ex) partner would go to get support when you’re found out to be paying for prostitutes.

leeanneleach · 01/03/2023 16:30

MySugarBabyLove · 01/03/2023 16:19

Oooh you catch on pretty fast I see.

But yes. Threesomes and prostitutes aren’t a normal part of any kind of normal relationship.

And given you seem to think that paying for prostitutes is a normal part of a relationship I can only guess that you’re a man and the relationships board is someone where (hopefully your ex) partner would go to get support when you’re found out to be paying for prostitutes.

Show quote history

sugar baby love.....'normal' is a subjective word, what is normal for one is not normal for another, you cannot normalise sexual behaviours and assume that they all fit into one box, everyone has their preferences, likes and dislikes. Sex is very much part of most relationships so who are you to say what should be classed as 'normal'.

Clymene · 01/03/2023 16:36

This is a site which is about 'making parents lives easier'. There is nothing about men buying and exploiting women's bodies which is aligned with that. Or indeed in pushing their partners' boundaries.

This site has always attracted its fair share of perverts and weirdos because it's one of the very few online spaces which is dominated by women and we talk about children a lot. You don't need to be Marie Curie to figure out why some dodgy men are attracted to posting here.

We don't need to get the bunting out

Original poster
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/03/2023 17:22

Sex is very much part of most relationships so who are you to say what should be classed as 'normal'.

Someone who believes that free, enthusiastic consent is a requirement.

OP posts:
MySugarBabyLove · 01/03/2023 18:51

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/03/2023 17:22

Sex is very much part of most relationships so who are you to say what should be classed as 'normal'.

Someone who believes that free, enthusiastic consent is a requirement.

This.

And someone who doesn’t believe that boys should be brought up to believe that exployting women is ok, and girls shouldn’t be brought up in the knowledge that they will be exploited one day.

There are plenty of places where the pervert above can satisfy his fetishes without being criticised, so why not go to one of those? Why the need to come on here and criticise anyone who doesn’t share his (because theres IMO no way it’s not a he) beliefs and practices.

LemonPeonies · 01/03/2023 20:56

I'm a woman you nutter 😅

LemonPeonies · 01/03/2023 21:08

@leeanneleach spot on

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