URGENT Mumsnet needs your opinions for Radio 5 slot tomorrow (sunday) morning

[Carrie (mumsnet)]

Hi there

Just had a call from radio 5 who want us to go on and talk (briefly) about Maragaret Hodges proposals for parents. Main focus of chat is givt saying they will give written guidelines to parents on parenting. Is this a good idea? Would it work? Would you take any notice of it?

Any thoughts anyone.

Need your input before 9.30am tomorrow

Thanks as ever

She is a one!

Perhaps this voucher will also go into the parenting book as well

I think it would be useful to have some access to parenting courses - our playgroup runs some, where you can just discuss issues you have with your child, or parenting issues, and discuss strategies to manage them - rather like mumsnet in fact! But, with a leader directing the conversation, and with some training in parenting. I do often feel at a loss, and a strategy (ANY strategy in fact) can help - if ds is refusing to eat for example, at least having a plan can help get through the deadlock. I use a few things from Little Angels, which I really wouldn't have thought of myself.

they'll be telling us what colour to paint the kitchen next!

'written guidelines to parents on parenting'

Mmmmm don't think it'll work, for starters it'd be a thick as War & Peace to cover all the issues. And written from the government's POV, MMR is safe, back to work asap,etc.....parents of all children, not just 0-5 need help and guidance but I don't think this is the way forward.

I'd take more notice of this if that vile witch Margaret 'child abuse? What child abuse" Hodge wasn't in charge of it, frankly. Her appalling record speaks for itself. I wouldn't let her babysit for me. I really wouldn't. She is disgusting, and via her tenure at Islington, ultimately responsible for so many children's pain and suffering. Who the hell is she to tell parents how to care for their children?

I wonder if the government could come up with a micracle guide on how to prevent tantrums and crocodile tears etc...

DH took dd down to 'lighting up the lane' tonight and I stayed home with ds. When all the music etc was over DH told DD it's time to go home now... with the result that DD didn't want to and she let rip! DH was approached by a police officer with the question 'and whose kid is this then?' ... I wasn't there but DH took offence to the officer's (I think he was one of those voluntary ones) tone of voice and told him what to do with his comment... and told him he's more than f*ing welcome to accompany him home to see that dh is the father of dd... (o.k. DH has a bit of a temper sometimes

Great that the police is looking out for possible abductions but...

sorry for the rant and that I straied a bit of the subject here

You can bring your kids up the way you were brought up, you can teach them to say please and thank you, you can hope they follow the good/bad ethics you teach them. What you can't control is outside forces, that car that knocks them down, that asthma attack or whatever that takes them away, or that weirdo that snatches them....the only thing that anyone, anyone at all, whether poor/rich, black/white/rainbow coloured CAN do is to love their children. However much you love your kds, one day, sometime, everyone has a bad day. You can shout, scream at or even smack your kids, BUT if you love them they know, they know you love them and they feel safe, not always happy with your decisions, but safe and grumpy in the knowledge that they are loved. Everyone needs help, no-one needs telling how to do things in a universal manner. Each child is unique and lots of mums would benefit from helpful, caring advice from a person who would give advice without judging.

Kids and parents deserve the basic human right of warmth, food etc and the love they need to grow together as a family. No-one, in this day and age, should be living without the basics ad no-one, specially kids, should be sleeping rough.
Lots of mums/dads do need help,specially younger parents who may have been "dumped" by their mums/dads for bein irrisponsible and who have to realise that their babies are having babies themselves. I would never judge anyone for needing help but then again, no-one has the right to tell anyone how to bring upo their kids if all they are being is different, not abusive/contriversual, or selfish, just different.
Spelling...!

The government to tell us how to raise our kids. The same government that tells us to support a state school system that they don't support. To give our children injections that they won't allow us to know whether or not they've given them to their kids. A government who are happy for children to have abortions without talking to their parents. A government who are happy to stick contraceptive injections into our kids (recent research suggesting that it causes bone disease). A government that has no law in place to protect 12 year old girls from having sex with men in their 20s and 30s and offer no help or hope to parents that want it stopped. Hmmmmmmmmm....... I'm thinking no to their parenting guides. But hey, I was raised by my mother and not by the government so what would I know.

Sounds unimaginative. They should send the back catalogue of Little Angels to every prospective parent instead.

Sorry for posting so late - Please reiterate the points of Marina and Caligula tomorrow - Hodge is an incompetent insensitive moron and I too have real difficulty even looking at this women just knowing of the choices she has made regarding children in the past (i.e. sexual abuse in Islington children's homes)Could she really co-ordinate valid parenting advice on a nationwide scale? I am sure other mums, parents and voters feel the same about this women, it's a valid point and should be put across. Perhaps if she was replaced with someone else this initiative would have more attention paid toward. I personally don't think written advice is the way forward. As a new mum with no immediate extended family on my own or my partners side we rely on ourselves, but happily and confidently rely on ourselves. Mumsnet has been a god send though putting me in virtual contact with so many other mums just like me. I searched for months for mother and baby groups and the like and still have found nothing to match the ability of Mumsnet. What I do know is that Sure Start provide a physical rather than virtual version of mum's net but they have boundaries. The Sure Start boundaries cut streets in half so if you live on one side you have all the benefits of Sure Start and if you live on the other side as I do you are considered to not need any Sure Start benefits. I have a Sure Start What's on weekly time table in front of me, let me give you a taste of what I am not allowed to attend and what others on the other side of the street can attend if they wish and all free of charge as well:

-Bookstart Plus - toys to help stories come alive for your under 4s
-Parent and toddler group
-Art in the Park
-Baby Massage
-Tiny gym- fun activities in the gym for under 4s
-Toy library
-Parent and toddler fun swim sessions
-Child development check workshop
-NEW PARENTS GROUP (THIS ONE LOOKS FANTASTIC)
-Being a Parent parenting courses
-Bookstart plus - have lots of fun making story props
-MASSAGE SESSION - WEEKLY RELAXING HALF HOUR SESSION FOR PARENTS TO DE-STRESS AND FEEL BETTER - WOW AND IT'S FREE!!
-Family learning - gardening cooking, play etc.
-Lunch and more

...and so on. All of this is free to those who live in Sure Start areas and in my case to those who live across the road. Wow!! This sort of thing should be available to all parents. Its the co-ordination I admire. One local time table tells you everything you would like to know and do and a local office co-ordinates everything. Sure it doesn't have to be free of charge to all of us, and lets face it we are noT all greedy and would most likely hand pick a few activities to attend whilst we are off with our new ones as first time, second time mums and mums in general. It's a great way to learn, interact and meet mums like yourself on the way. Ask the witch what she can do about that

Frankly I would rather they invest the money in training the "professionals" so that they were better able to spot children in need of help. FFS a child passing live maggots? How did that get past everybody?

sure start initiatives are brilliant...but even they are under threat.they were pilot schemes afterall.

heymissy:-

about SureStart.

I think there is provision for SureStart to take 10% out of area - so your HV may be able to refer you

also have you tried phoning them up and asking if there is any problem with you being outside the catchment area?

sorry if this sounds ridiculous - just that in Liverpool where I am, I sort of live between about 3 different SureStart areas, but not actually in any of them, but as long as you don't want to use the nursery they aren't bothered about people slightly out of area using the facilities/going to groups etc.

Hi Mummytosteven - I have been gatecrashing the baby massage group for a couple of weeks and it's been fantastic - none of us attending so far are actually in Sure Start areas but only by an inch or so and of course Sure Starters would take priority if theres an issue with numbers - but through attending this one session I have found out so much - and dd loves it. Found out that babies from age 0 months upward can join the local library. Found out about the Childrens Information Service which helps to idenitfy childminders, nurseries, nursery classes and schools in the area. It just hands down beats faffing around trying to bring all this info together by yourself during maternity leave, the co-ordination is great.

I'm going to disagree with these anti views too, despite them being so strongly expressed that those in favour may be afraid to say so.

I would have loved a free book with my first child. I bought several and how not to be a perfect mother was my favourite. Now - well maybe the government could hand out a job lob of mumsnet books Anything handed out to parents would be better based on the experiences of other parents than being tainted by being "government" advice. So - mumsnet books followed by videos of the little angels series?

Well if it's just going to be a booklet like the pregnancy and 0-5 one then it will probably be so general as to be almost useless. As we know on mumsnet there is more than one 'right' way to do almost everything to do with parenting. (Agree with everything said about Margaret Hodge btw).

I think the government needs to address the needs of parents more seriously than telling us what to do though. Probably repeating others here but like:

mat/pat leaves that could be taken by either parent - and not at the pathetic 100pw pat leave rate either - and is at least 90% of pay for the whole time (a lot of the rest of Europe seem to manage it, why can't we?)
Recognising that getting all parents to work full time is not always the answer, some people want to be sahps and this does have economic and social value - paid work outside the home isn't the only valid choice
Addressing the root causes of child poverty since 28% of ALL CHILDREN in the UK live in poverty. That's a lot. (according to the Child Poverty Action Group
Giving choice over MMR/Dtp (look at how we were all ridiculed by our GPs over that one and then what happened? They didn't admit they were wrong but they did agree to ban thimerosil)

The goverment, imo, have been treating parents like idiots for quite a long time. MMR/Dtp are good examples, they really wanted to remove parental choice in both those cases by trying to limit access to alternative.

So in my view the money could be better spent. A lot better spent.

will you let it know how it goes Carrie?

I hope you found something of use in all this

Hi all

Thanks so much for a fantastic response. Sadly I don't think I did you justice, but predictably there just wasn't time. I thought I was on with one other person, but there turned out to be three other regular pundits as well and only about 10 mins - so a few brief commments and it was time to go.

Still, I mentioned mumsnet and hopefully made a couple of valid points gleaned from here.

So thanks again - you really are an amazing lot.

Carrie
PS I didn't go into Ms Hodge's time in Islington, but someone else did!

Missed the broadcast Carrie, glad it went well. So who did sock it to Margaret "Enver" Hodge then?

Heymissy, where do you live? I go to Sure Start things including Art In The Park in Brunswick park without living in the area, I think. I just turn up! Nobody will throw you out... they are usually keen to make up numbers, in fact.

Hi aloha

I live in the SE5 area, I'm not sure my dd is old enough for art in the park? what do you guys do there? Feel free to CAT me when you are going along to something, perhaps we can mumble mumsnet under our breaths and either look really silly or actually bump into each other?

Carrie - you summarised many of the points made here in the very short time they gave you so well done. The topic deserved much lengthier discuss without doubt.