It’s time something was done about the AIBU topic

[HeartsAndClubs]

Quite apart from the fact that there really are no AIBU’s any more, it’s just seen as a free for all where people have the right to say what they want regardless of the consequences.

Posters being told they should post on a different topic so as not to be abused just isn’t good enough.

This is supposed to be a site for parents by parents, and while i appreciate that AIBU brings a lot of traffic the responses on there mean that MN is fast gaining a reputation as a fairly unpleasant place. Assuming that’s not the reputation you want MN to have then something really needs to change.

Just because a post is in AIBU doesn’t mean posters have the right to attack, abuse, criticise etc and victim blame that “if you didn’t want a harsh response you shouldn’t have posted in AIBU.”

I disagree. I quite like having the option to either post in Chat or AIBU depending in how blunt I'm happy for responses to be.

I also believe that the traffic AIBU gets is partially because people like the free tone of the discussion. So if you try to tone it down what is the difference with Chat?

People have been saying this for years, I don't think it's going to change, I'm not a fan so I keep the topic hidden.

It's such a shame because a lot of the advice comes from such a good place and the odd few will still want to stir shit and make the OP feel even worse just because they're anonymous and they can. It's a despicable way to treat someone who is obviously distressed.

Fully agree. There is an awful lot of nasty behaviour on there. I posted on there years ago and got such a load of abuse I never tried again.

I would agree if it was the only board on here for general topics.

But we have Chat for people who don’t like the cut and thrust of AIBU. Personally I don’t think you can truly be a MNer unless you’ve started a thread in AIBU and had your arse handed to you on a plate.

If you aren't keen on the threads there just hide them.

But we have Chat for people who don’t like the cut and thrust of AIBU. Personally I don’t think you can truly be a MNer unless you’ve started a thread in AIBU and had your arse handed to you on a plate. regardless of the topic?

I’ve seen posters accused of being at fault when they’ve posted about being victims of domestic violence on AIBU, right now there is a poster whose ex is refusing to return her child and she is getting a lot of abuse, and the response seems to be “maybe you should start another thread somewhere else.”

Isn’t that up there with telling women if they walk home on their own at night they’re responsible for what happens to them?

It's not something I can get worked up about.

Anyone who spends any more than a few minutes on MN will get a good sense of what AIBU can be like.

You have a choice over whether you engage with it. You have a choice over whether you even see it at all (because you can hide whole topics, as well as single threads.)

The whole 'deal' with AIBU is that by posting there, you accept that some people will think; yes, you are being unreasonable, and explain why. People express themselves differently; some people are much blunter than others. And yes, some people are downright rude or abusive. That's life, unfortunately.

But there are talk guidelines on MN, these apply to AIBU too, and as users we all have the ability and the responsibility to report any post that we think breaches them.

I'm not sure what else could be done, really. Ultimately you have the choice to not read the post or replies, hide the thread, or hide the whole topic.

Hide the topic then.

I enjoy a good bun fight.

Blunt is fine - sometimes it's necessary to hear unvarnished opinions. But posts which border on the abusive are not fine. Sometimes posters project their own experience so much on an unsuspecting OP and totally lay into her and the vitriol really has nothing to do with her situation but is about the poster's own history.
Everyone has a responsibility to be civil, I think and not needlessly rude.

Report them, especially if it's someone you've noticed making a habit of it. Ask MNHQ to look at the poster's pattern of posts. They will do so.

If you don't want the AIBU type discussion, then post anywhere other than AIBU

If you think posts are breaking talk guidelines, report them.

AIBU is an absolute joke

Ppl often state "just posting here for traffic" which actually means they know it's the wrong section

The site is very poorly moderated. Hardly anything seems to be in the correct section anymore. I regularly see property questions in AIBU instead of Property because it's just easier isn't it

AIBU some just be renamed General

On a forum where it seems a good proportion of posters consider themselves feminists, I find bizarre that everyone (obviously) wants women to be protected against physical harm but fuck their mental state, right? It's ok to absolutely rip women to shreds and 'victim blame' the crap out of them because they dared to post in 'AIBU' and hey, you won't really be held to account, right?

@HeartsAndClubs

But we have Chat for people who don’t like the cut and thrust of AIBU. Personally I don’t think you can truly be a MNer unless you’ve started a thread in AIBU and had your arse handed to you on a plate. regardless of the topic?

I’ve seen posters accused of being at fault when they’ve posted about being victims of domestic violence on AIBU, right now there is a poster whose ex is refusing to return her child and she is getting a lot of abuse, and the response seems to be “maybe you should start another thread somewhere else.”

Isn’t that up there with telling women if they walk home on their own at night they’re responsible for what happens to them?

The good thing about MN is that you can report posts you think are offensive or insulting.

I hope you reported the posts where people were abusing someone who is a survivor of domestic abuse.

If you think aibu is bad then you should stay away from twitter!

I hope you reported the posts where people were abusing someone who is a survivor of domestic abuse. I did, and the post was moved to relationships. The problem with that though was that those who had been abusing the OP had that thread on their “threads I’m on” so just followed her there to continue what they’d started.

The thread ended up being deleted because it had got so out of hand. So there was someone seeking some support who not only ended up being abused but who ended up having her plea for support removed all because she’d dared to post in AIBU.

@HeartsAndClubs i'm really pleased that there are people on here who DO think and care about how the person on the receiving end of unnecessary abuse is going to feel.

I agree with you OP, I’ve been on here years and I would say it’s got a lot worse, but perhaps I’m showing my age.

There was a thread recently where OP wanted help interpreting her blood test results. OP had got her maths wrong, but the responses and ridicule to her was just damn right vicious, it really made me stop and wonder who these posters were that sit behind their keyboards thinking it’s ok to fire this stuff off?

Mumsnet topics are a waste of time as they currently operate, either have them and actually moderate or don't bother.

At least they've been very good with moving covid topics but it can't take much time to move one, why not have a bunch of junior staff whose responsibility it is to move them, I don't think it would take long until posters started using the correct ones. They'd get better quality advice as well

I just click on 'Threads I'm on' and then 'Last Day'; I scroll down and look at the titles of threads to see what interests me regardless of which section they were originally posted.

@FamilyOfAliens

I would agree if it was the only board on here for general topics.

But we have Chat for people who don’t like the cut and thrust of AIBU. Personally I don’t think you can truly be a MNer unless you’ve started a thread in AIBU and had your arse handed to you on a plate.

I've started threads in Chat and had my arse handed to me just the same.

People who say “just hide the threads” are missing the point.

It’s not about people not wanting to read them, it’s about people who are genuinely posting for advice, sometimes in a vulnerable state, being abused with the justification that “well you did post in AIBU.”

To tell posters who object to that to just hide the threads you are essentially justifying the abuse of posters, and if those who don’t like it have hidden the threads then abusive posters are just free to continue.

I've started threads in Chat and had my arse handed to me just the same. I’ve seen that happen on other topics as well, and then someone will come on and say “this isn’t the AIBU topic,” as if that makes it ok.

Truth is that because most threads are posted in AIBU posters don’t distinguish any more so just carry on regardless of where a thread is posted.

You've got a point there. People who would usually report abusive posts won't see them because they've hidden AIBU.

I've got it hidden, but of course they come up in 'trending' quite a lot anyway, so I do see some.