Message for Carrie, Justine, Rachel and Tech

[Blu]

I just wanted to say how brilliantly I think you manage this site, and how well you put a constructive voice into the occasional difficult situations. I enjoy the 'light touch' of your moderation that has utmost respect for free speech and open access.
In respect of that light touch, I like to think that we posters could follow some practical guidelines and 'netiquette' in suport of the MN philosophy.

I would like to suggest that we don't use the name-change facility as a smokescreen for criticism or abuse of other posters, if we are not interested in a thread, we simply move on to another, we trust that one person has made a point, and don't succumb to mass condemnation of an individual, we really do have the discipline to ignore 'trolls', and we remain aware that newcomers and visitors may well be present at any time.

Anyone else sign up to this?

Yes, Blu, I do, in general. I have noticed, though, that a lot of the more knee-jerk responses to a post aren't associated with a name-change. People can treat a thread here just like a conversation IRL. If their response to something that someone has whinged about would be "silly cow" or "what a W*nker" IRL, that is what comes out here. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing- MN is made up of all sorts- some people (like me ) can take so long to compose a reply that the conversation has moved on. It would be a shame if all posters were required to count to 10 before hitting "post"- a lot of the amusing spontaneity would be lost. The last thing we want, surely, is a pre-modded forum?

I think these are all fantastic principles Blu, especially the one about changing your name so as to post critical remarks to another poster - it always makes me so sad to see that.
I love the freedom and spontaneity of Mumsnet too though and wonder how your ideas could work 100% of the time in practice. Agree with Tissy that pre-modding is a heavy hand.

Was just going to say 'P* off Tissy'

Fair point.

Years ago I started a thread (in my old name) reminding people not just about the principles of Mumsnet - support, construccitve advice, no judgement - but also to be aware that as a written medium we needed to be extra careful with the nuances of what we "say" - as there is none of the body language to ameliorate the tone of what is said - plus you don't get the chance to easily sort out misunderstandings before they flare up.

I think all of that still stands.

It's sad when we get trolls - but as has been said so often, the best thing to do is to ignore them.

Absolutely.

I think I'm guilty of thinking 'oooh, what is everyone else saying, ah, I'll back them up'. I'm not proud of this. I hope I'm not the only one.

I also think we need an ongoing awareness of the whole cliqueiness issue - it's too easy to say 'oh no we're not'.

I think you've hit the nail on the head MI. Sometimes I read threads where someone has said or done something that others find controversial and you then have umpteen different posters weighing in but basically saying the same thing. And sometimes this incites people to make comments that maybe they wouldn't say in RL. The best ones are those that merely say "Agree with xxx" as you've made your feelings clear but haven't heaped yet more criticism on the original poster.

I'm saying this not to be "holier than thou" - it's an observation I've made many times on this site and when I've contributed negatively along with everyone else and the original poster has come back to say how they feel they've been mugged, I've felt pretty ashamed .

Total agreement and respect for your idea Blue

I mean Blu

But I think in some situations, if someone is proposing something preposterous, it's quite right right that they get loads of people weighing in telling them they're wrong. I agree that just repeating everyone else's arguments is a waste of time, but I don't see anything wrong with adding to "here's another reason why you're wrong" iyswim. Also very often, the reason arguments are repeated is because it's a fast moving thread and by the time the poster has made their argument, nine other people have too, six of them with the same comment!

That's a fair point Meanbean, but on some threads you get the original poster coming back and taking on board the points that people have made, but then you get another load of posts appearing saying the same things, which the original poster has already acknowledged. I just don't see the point of saying "silly cow" in 20 or 30 different ways.

Agree. It's pointless.

Just like to say I'm not a bit happy about all this mumsnet business I used to be considered almost tidy. She hoovered regularly and even dusted once or twice! Please ignore all her postings from now on so she'll feel lonely and unloved and start doing some chores. Oh and I heard her dh saying he'd like a cuddle last night and her saying 'just a minute I'm just posting a message' I don't know what with this and ebay???

Message withdrawn

JewniperdropsHouse - I would just like to say that TessieBears house totally agrees but he cannot reply in person as he is not allowed internet access ( he would be just another person, sorry House, to fight over the PC with)

I think this is all summed up in the mumsnet philosophy is it not?