For a slight shift in tone....

[Connebert]

Dear MNHQ

Would it be possible to do an experiment and deactivate AIBU (and possibly Relationships), just for a couple of days? Often, once you hide these topics, there isn‘t much left, and the effect they give is an overall negative atmosphere. (I don‘t mean the threads in Relationships which constructively help in difficult situations, obviously).

I wonder if things would be discussed in a different tone if the starting point were different, and possibly a wider range of topics would be used, too. You influence and attract such a lot of members and it would be really interesting to see if the focus could shift a little bit to bring out the best in people.

Why would MNHQ shut down the 2 boards that probably bring in the most revenue? Bonkers idea!

Oh, I didn‘t think of it from the point of view of revenue, doh!

Maybe they are successful enough now to be able to afford to risk an adjustment or two for the common good

It’s self selecting. If you hide AIBU you can change the tone yourself. Not sure what you mean by there not being a lot left. I almost never look at AIBU and spend very little time in Relationships and I find plenty!

I’m assuming AIBU sprung up originally because people posted lots of things of that nature and it became a natural way to organise them. I’m happy to have that in one place where I can avoid it. People wouldn’t stop posting like that, it’s an aspect of human nature, they would just clog up the other boards.

Spose so, witchmountain. I can‘t help thinking it encourages far too much, though.

Think about it like football. There’s an artificial contest between two sides. Posters, like fans, pile in to support one side or the other, repeating the same points and winding themselves and each other up. You don’t ban football because the fans say nasty things to each other.

Surely the great thing about Mumsnet is that you see all of human nature on here? You can’t just erase the bits you don’t like! What’s to say that AIBU isn’t contributing to the common good, just because you (and I) don’t like it? And why should people always have to have the best brought out of them?

Which boards do you like?

That‘s a very philosophical way of looking at it, witchmountain. I still can‘t help thinking that people are actually enticed to show their worst sides by such topics, though, and that unpleasantness, Schadenfreude, etc. are actively promoted. And that that could be changed. I like all sorts of boards, otherwise.

Very much, actually, and a lot has helped over the years, I have to say.

There was a time before AIBU. Back then what happened was you got people asking AIBU elsewhere, and the responses being equally robust.

AIBU contained it to one section. So people could be aware that asking something there would get blunted replies than elsewhere.

Relationships is a lifeline and must never go anywhere.

This is an interesting idea. Which other boards do you recommend to an AIBU-addict?

Windyjust hide it. It’s lovely without it. All sorts of things will spring into view. Also, have a comb through the topics list - thoroughly because the organisation is quite higgledy-piggledy having evolved over time.

It really depends on what you’re interested in!

You can be the change .

Hiding topics is brill, have a go.

So you want to shut down the popular board to dilute everything down?

Windy, I recommend (apart from witch‘s excellent proposition) almost anything else, except, possibly Chat, but most especially topics you don‘t know anything about! A jolly good exploration, in fact. Possibly starting with the book topic. Or music. Or In the news. The „people living abroad“ topic can be fascinating. Go back a few years and you can be sucked into loads of interesting things!

No, Starzig. I think MN would vastly improve peoples‘ days if the focus was different. It‘s so easy to get sucked into the petty crap and so easy to miss out on loads of wonderful stuff at the moment.

I don‘t want to shut down anything - just have a little experiment.

There are also theads which give sensitive, kind, encouraging, heartfelt and intelligent advice to the kinds of problems which are often treated unpleasantly in AIBU, etc. Without the sensationalism.

I agree with Connebert’s suggestion to look at things you don’t know anything about. I’d extend it to looking at things you don’t think you’re interested in. Easy and fascinating way to broaden your mind!

Oh dear. Are some women coming out with forceful views? Are loads of other women then coming along to read the opinionated womens' bluntly stated opinions? Horrors. Shut them down. Ladies must be nice. Ladies must seek consensus. Ladies must be conciliatory.

I think you need to have a word with your inner Beryl

I understand that you are troubled by women being fierce and giving no fucks about being nice. You want more nice. OK. The answer is not for MN to censor and restrict the other women. The answer is for you to hide the topics that trouble you.

I like the idea. I think AIBU brings out the worst in all of us, me included.
It’s nothing to do with conditioning women to be nice ffs. But spending less time hurling gratuitous insults and judgement at each other and more time using our intellect and power to discuss, disagree well and discover.

CottonTailRabbit, I love your name 👌No, that isn‘t what I mean. I mean what Witch and Spamfritters have said. I‘m just not very eloquent.

And I think it‘s been a self-perpetuating and self-intensifying phenomenon, FuckYouChris (another great name), almost as if, well, bad behaviour has been legitimised so people let themselves go. Although I agree to some extent with your point.

I don’t disagree with the sentiment of what you’re saying Cotton and I think the Beryl thread is useful.

But to be clear, I’m not ‘troubled’ by bluntly stated opinions on AIBU or the lack of consensus - if anything that’s one of its redeeming features. I’m troubled by the need of so many women to ‘poll’ to check their thoughts or feelings or actions are ok, but I wouldn’t stop them doing it. I’m troubled by the compulsion to get drawn into reading pages and pages of opinions about petty situations.

I don’t think the OP has used the word blunt. For me there is a difference between being blunt and nasty. When the OP here says unpleasant I took it to mean the latter.

Exactly what I‘m trying to say, Witch. Also the constant focus on one‘s petty side which is encouraged, perhaps even on oneself, and on „getting one over“ on family members, etc. I can‘t help thinking that that‘s all dreadfully unhealthy.

Just looked at the thread you linked, Cotton. No, that‘s something else entirely and I‘ll be reading that.