Single parents by choice

[YouBeadYouAcorn]

Hi Mumsnet,

I know you have a lone parents board, but there seem to be a few of us who entered single parenthood through choice, whether using donor sperm or adoption.

I realise there's a lone parents board but the truth is that most of the topics in it just aren't relevant to those of us who chose this route (no disrespect to the ladies there, obviously) and with your latest guest post tackling this issue I'd love somewhere I can talk openly about parenting with those in the same situation as I am, or considering it.

What do others think?

I think, myself, that I'd post there and see how it went. There may well be others who have the same feelings as you and are not sure where precisely to go even though that board might be their initial port of call. The boards aren't completely rigid.

I realise that, but very genuinely, the typical issues surrounding lone parents by choice are so vastly different to the sort of threads that are currently there that it would look rather inflammatory to post them.

If there are nine threads about financial difficulty, abusive ex husbands, loneliness and sadness, to in effect say 'I'm choosing to join you all!' looks strange and out of place, which is why I think distinguishing between the two might be helpful :)

I appreciate that - but imagine how you would have felt about that board if you had visited and there was a long/standing thread about women in your own position? You might well have felt much more positive about it and weighed straight in ?

'I don't know' is probably the answer but I think it's worth you giving it a try, perhaps starting a thread and seeing whether there is a suppressed demand to discuss relevant issues. The last thing you need is a very specific board with tumbleweeds rolling around because so few people use it.

Where are people going to go first should probably be your lodestone - and it looks as if there is a fairly obvious choice.

I agree about specific boards but I do also feel that in this instance the two situations are so vastly different that it does warrant an extra board, which is why I've asked (obviously it's Mumsnet's choice.)

The unfortunate truth is that some (I can't bold that strongly enough) people on the lone parents board are in awful circumstances through no fault of their own and are understandably unhappy and distressed. As such, someone planning to be a single parent by choice asking questions might receive some quite harsh and possibly irrelevant replies, whereas posting on chat/AIBU often elicits responses that are caustic and demonstrate the lack of understanding about the issue.

Just as other parents have somewhere supportive they can retreat to - I feel this would be beneficial :)

Good luck with whatever happens then.

Hi YouBeadYouAcorn - thank you for the suggestion. We'll have to see what everyone else thinks and take it from there.