Iota - just for you. (this isn't infringing copyright is it?!)
This week saw lots of confessions on Strange things you get through life without knowing... which revealed a shocking number of ladies who have never seen a vibrator and are unable to tie shoelaces. Daisymoo had to look up dogging on Wikipedia, and MrsBadger admits "I was very dumb about cars till I got my current one - when you open the bonnet it has handy picture labels on each bit telling you what it is." Showofhands has pronunciation problems; "I cannot for the life of me work out how to say February or brewery. There are too many ererereyeyerey sounds in the middle. I get stuck in some alternate space time continuum half way through and start repeating ererererer until somebody stops me
Interior design suggestion of the week comes from a fanjo thread: Reconstructive vaginal surgery anyone? Fattiemamma writes "My sister wants her beef curtains trimmed. I told her to get some tie backs but she wasn't amused."
Kittylette had us waving our rolling pins in horror with her thread Most affairs are women's own fault!? Would you agree? in which she bravely began the debate with her proposition that, "if a woman's a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldn't be too much of a problem!" Pinnies were flying, UNquietdad cracked open the popcorn and beer and Tinker seized up when she read the word "Hubby." Flossam writes, "Oh I quite agree. I cook DP's meal for him for when he gets home from work in crotchless panties and no bra." But it would be fair to say that in the Mumsnet Debating Society, the motion was not carried.
Revenge is not always sweet, as demonstrated by Chandra's thread Ahh, the joys of raising boys! "Have just heard DS crying in the bathroom, opened the door to find him sobbing and a good bite print in the toilet lid. Obviously he was in a hurry, didn't put it up properly and has it hit him on the head, and he was so annoyed that he has bit it in return!!!" One more reason to keep that loo seat sparkling.
The Mumsnet Flyladies were out in force when Charliecat innocently asked How to obtain a fresh smelling house? Creamy beeswax, open windows, favourite plug-ins were all helpfully recommended until Charliecat mentioned "It doesn't smell nice because I have 5 rats that wander round marking everywhere. So basically it smells of rats piss..." "Why on earth wasn't this thread called 'how to obtain a fresh smelling house with five rats in it?'" objected Cappucino and Cod suggested that shoving the rats themselves into the socket might be more effective than a Glade plug-in.
Emkana was this week's "fish in a barrel" (as Dara noted at the time) as she confessed her darkest bread-crumbed dinner secrets in The MN food guilt phenomenon. Her admission of fish fingers and oven chips was greeted with horror by Moondog, "Of course, I may be wrong. Bird's Eye et al may be lovingly rearing chickens that get to run around and flap their wings. MacCain may employ jolly matrons who carefully hand slice good potatoes grown in soil and manure as opposed to a festering bath of chemicals. I doubt it though." By contrast to poor Emkana, Satine is a proper Mumsnetter; "My kids are out at the moment gathering the wheatgrass and lentils for their supper- I even knit my own semolina."
The final word on cooking though surely came from Overdraft, who thinks the answer to happy marriage is.. "Lots of home cocked dinners." And who could argue with that?
Morningpaper xxx