MorningPaper's round up of the week

[DumbledoresGirl]

Did anyone get it last week? Is it any good? I decided to subscribe this week as I always seem to miss things here, despite the time I spend here.

But I want to know what I have to look forward to.

Can someone post this week's one?

better htis week imo

This week saw lots of confessions on Strange things you get through life without knowing... which revealed a shocking number of ladies who have never seen a vibrator and are unable to tie shoelaces. Daisymoo had to look up dogging on Wikipedia, and MrsBadger admits "I was very dumb about cars till I got my current one - when you open the bonnet it has handy picture labels on each bit telling you what it is." Showofhands has pronunciation problems; "I cannot for the life of me work out how to say February or brewery. There are too many ererereyeyerey sounds in the middle. I get stuck in some alternate space time continuum half way through and start repeating ererererer until somebody stops me Interior design suggestion of the week comes from a fanjo thread: Reconstructive vaginal surgery anyone? Fattiemamma writes "My sister wants her beef curtains trimmed. I told her to get some tie backs but she wasn't amused."
Kittylette had us waving our rolling pins in horror with her thread Most affairs are women's own fault!? Would you agree? in which she bravely began the debate with her proposition that, "if a woman's a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldn't be too much of a problem!" Pinnies were flying, UNquietdad cracked open the popcorn and beer and Tinker seized up when she read the word "Hubby." Flossam writes, "Oh I quite agree. I cook DP's meal for him for when he gets home from work in crotchless panties and no bra." But it would be fair to say that in the Mumsnet Debating Society, the motion was not carried.
Revenge is not always sweet, as demonstrated by Chandra's thread Ahh, the joys of raising boys! "Have just heard DS crying in the bathroom, opened the door to find him sobbing and a good bite print in the toilet lid. Obviously he was in a hurry, didn't put it up properly and has it hit him on the head, and he was so annoyed that he has bit it in return!!!" One more reason to keep that loo seat sparkling.
The Mumsnet Flyladies were out in force when Charliecat innocently asked How to obtain a fresh smelling house? Creamy beeswax, open windows, favourite plug-ins were all helpfully recommended until Charliecat mentioned "It doesn't smell nice because I have 5 rats that wander round marking everywhere. So basically it smells of rats piss..." "Why on earth wasn't this thread called 'how to obtain a fresh smelling house with five rats in it?'" objected Cappucino and Cod suggested that shoving the rats themselves into the socket might be more effective than a Glade plug-in.
Emkana was this week's "fish in a barrel" (as Dara noted at the time) as she confessed her darkest bread-crumbed dinner secrets in The MN food guilt phenomenon . Her admission of fish fingers and oven chips was greeted with horror by Moondog, "Of course, I may be wrong. Bird's Eye et al may be lovingly rearing chickens that get to run around and flap their wings. MacCain may employ jolly matrons who carefully hand slice good potatoes grown in soil and manure as opposed to a festering bath of chemicals. I doubt it though." By contrast to poor Emkana, Satine is a proper Mumsnetter; "My kids are out at the moment gathering the wheatgrass and lentils for their supper- I even knit my own semolina."
The final word on cooking though surely came from Overdraft, who thinks the answer to happy marriage is.. "Lots of home cocked dinners." And who could argue with that?
Morningpaper xxx

Message withdrawn

Flossam writes, "Oh I quite agree. I cook DP's meal for him for when he gets home from work in crotchless panties and no bra."

Flossam - what exactly does your DH do that he comes home in crotchless panties and no bra??? I am a tad curious!

Buda - PMSL - I THINK Flossam's DH is a policeman!

Oh God - now all I can think about is a policeman in uniformon top but crotchless knickers and stockings!!!!!

Sorry Flossam's DH!!!!

Mine's not arrived

You see! She lied! My reconditioned foof has been hung out for all to see

It's brand spanking new though, Franny. Better that than a baggy one that's seen better days being hung out for all to see

Oooooooooooooo, I'm mentioned

PMSL at DP in that attire. He sadly is mourning the thought of what could have been my cooking attire, but somehow I don't ever think it will be (I had to get on here somehow that I actually don't own a pair of said panties let alone cook in them...).

Hmm Mp, so you lied about not talking about the vaginas then?

Message withdrawn

Yes good point Cali, I guess I should just be grateful my fanjo didn't make the nationals

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Thanks and well done MP!

What do you mean well done? She is a filthy double crossing journo

Message withdrawn

oh i seem to have missed this, i have now signed up.

very funny MP and woohoo at being mentioned lol

Well, yes F&Z, but a funny, filthy, double-crossing journo - you have to admit.

Oh, "funny"

well, funny, oh that's all right then

Ohhh, I'm all chuffed!

I got a mention in the first newsletter about my refusal to mealplan......

Oooh I've never been called a journo before

Normally I just hoover and do laundry

F&Z I didn't actually mention YOUR fanjo, which clearly comes out very well in the conversation - I mean, I was the one confessing to not having a perineum

I mentioned CHAFING

the shame

But "tie backs" I mean HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA