Can we talk about double-standards?

[Vivacia]

I didn't think that Relationships was the best places for this discussion, but that's the board I'm mainly referring to here.

I think that as a community we have a problem with double-standards (based upon sex) when discussing the motivations of domestic violence, chores, financial dependence etc.

So I wonder if anyone else,
a) recognises this
b) agrees it's a problem
c) thinks we should do something about it
d) has any ideas what we could do to address it

a) Give examples?
b) I don't think the MN community should try to speak with one voice anyway
c)+d) See b)

a) I don't know which threads you mean
b) so cannot answer, but agree there is no one 'community voice'
c) people should post the advice they think is better
d) see c)

The relationship board is a subset of a forum, which is a subset of a community and a subset of society.

It reflects life.

If you have issues, then be on that thread, putting your point of view across.

Are you saying that we all have to agree with your point of view? In which case, can I see the memo that says 'Vivacia is right and no other opinions matter'. Thanks.

Ragged thank you for replying.

I am reluctant to give specific examples given the sensitive nature of Relationships threads (hence me wondering if others recognise my experience and hence me placing this thread here). I hope you understand.

I chose the word "community" carefully to in order to convey that common values can be held by a diverse group of individuals. There is precedence for this, e.g. rape myths and language around disabled people.

Are you saying that we all have to agree with your point of view? In which case, can I see the memo that says 'Vivacia is right and no other opinions matter'. Thanks.

No, I am genuinely asking if anyone else has ever noticed a disparity and felt uncomfortable about it.

I do sometimes comment on the thread at the time, but often I haven't found it appropriate or acceptable to do so, given that the OP is asking for support. Hence me starting this thread.

I recognise it as an issue. There are responses which are polar opposite depending on sex of OP from some posters

I don't think there is anything that can be done. Sorry.

Society is changing slowly and when traditionally associated behaviour/lifestyle shifts more e.g. SAHD or NRP=mum then there might be some change

There will also always be entitled, grumpy, aggressive, abrupt, downright rude, vile and nasty posters of both sexes.

And the rest of us

IfMay what do you think about the point raised earlier about challenging it on a thread when you see it?

Well the main double standard I'm aware of on Relationships is women being encouraged to treat men like crap, if I'm honest. It's a lot better now than a few yrs ago, though.

Well the main double standard I'm aware of on Relationships is women being encouraged to treat men like crap, if I'm honest. It's a lot better now than a few yrs ago, though.

isn't that the opposite of what you said in your first reply?

In first reply I was thinking that I dislike MN having delete policies on what we're allowed to say because judged ageist-disablist-sexist etc. That's why I asked for examples what you meant, maybe I misunderstood what kind of action you wanted. I never said there shouldn't be open disagreement.

In my 2nd post, I'm saying that posters point out some types of double-standards more than they used to. I'm still not happy for stuff to be deleted that isn't otherwise illegal, advocating violence or pornographic.

maybe I'm completely misunderstanding, hard to say without specific examples.

I am not envisaging delete policies.

Vivacia is. I do challenge it.

It's sometimes like tossing a coin what the response will be. A subtle 'tone' to the OP which doesn't necessarily support the actual facts of the situation will invite posters to tackle the OP angrily.

A different tone...a differnt response yet the facts might be the same. So you sometimes see people saying one thing on one thread and then contradicting themselves on another. That is I think fairly typical of any situation spelt out in a paragraph on the Internet. You don't get perspective.

Vivacia is. I do challenge it.

Sorry, not too sure what you meant here. Would you mind explaining?

Vivacia Sun 08-Mar-15 14:05:17
IfMay what do you think about the point raised earlier about challenging it on a thread when you see it?

You asked as above. So I was basically saying I think it needs challenging on the thread and I do. The iPad added an unnecessary "is"