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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

"Breastfeed discreetly" ad

23 replies

K8Middleton · 19/01/2014 23:52

There's an ad that keeps popping up on the side that is advertising a breastfeeding vest so that we can turn all our tops to breastfeeding tops and feed discreetly.

I feel a bit icky about this. Surely the implication is that unless we are covered up with a special product we are being indiscreet or even an exhibitionist? I have seen these products advertised elsewhere that don't have the same message, or at least not as blatantly.

I appreciate that this is probably a non-issue for many but that message is undermining breastfeeding as a normal thing to do which is not very supportive of women.

I have a screenshot if you need.

OP posts:
MadIsTheNewNormal · 20/01/2014 05:03

Many people prefer to BF discreetly and are more likely to continue with BFing if they can do it in public without feeling uncomfortable. Not I said 'feeling uncomfortable' not made to feel uncomfortable. The emphasis being on the way they feel rather than the way they think others might feel.

Not everyone wants their tits on display in public places. Why does that bother you?

hazchem · 20/01/2014 05:24

K8Middleton They make me feel a but icky too. I could go on about why I think its; just a marketing device and not actually helpful to mothers and underminds them and can make it harder for them in the short term but you know...

SpanielFace · 20/01/2014 07:22

I haven't seen the ad (I'm on my phone), but I had several breastfeeding vests/tops - I was incredibly self conscious about feeding DS out & about, or even in front of my ILs - I was never made to feel this way by anyone else, it was all in my own head! Products like this really helped me, and far from undermining breast feeding, they helped me to stick with it when I might otherwise have been tempted to give a bottle when I was out in public.

SanityClause · 20/01/2014 07:26

I have never seen anyone BF in public with their tits on display. Most people manage by wearing loose tops, scarves, etc.

Products like this are annoying, because they imply that something simple and natural can't be achieved without purchasing expensive products.

hazchem · 20/01/2014 07:30

I wonder if it's the word "discreetly" that I find problematic. I wonder if they were for breastfeeding confidently, or breastfeeding comfortably, or breastfeeding proudly then I would feel differentially.

I think the thing is we are now condition to hide feeding and we do that on a subconscious level. If most women feed there children in public all of the time I think lots more women wouldn't feel like they need to hide what they are doing.

Kittymalinky · 20/01/2014 07:35

I can't see it as I'm on my phone but it's it a discreet about the boobs or discreet about the tum kind of top?

I still bf at 16mo and have absolutely no problems with getting my boobs out wherever as long as it's not too cold However, I will not get my tummy out, far to self conscious about it so I have lots of those bfing tops with the clip down cups. Not very discreet about the boobs.

EauRouge · 20/01/2014 07:36

Yes, I think it's the word 'discreet'. It implies that there's something wrong with BF in public. BF confidently would be a much better slogan, some women are not confident about BF in public and so I understand the need for products like this (way better than hiding in the loos).

Maybe the company should give you a job writing their adverts, hazchem. Grin

hazchem · 20/01/2014 07:39

The money would help :) but I'll give them those for free if it helps women feel more comfortable doing something that they should be able to feel comfortable doing.

Kittymalinky I like a wrap/jersey dress for tummy covering and ease of boob access

nosleeptillbedtime · 20/01/2014 07:47

It is not just this product. Just about every book article, product talks about discreetly breast feeding. This did annoy me as I don't think women should have to be discreet. I couldn't feed discreetly as my ds had real anxiety around eating due to reflux so I did need my tits out whilst I struggled and tried and retried to encourage him to feed. So the bombardment of 'discreet' messages did irk me.

TheBookofRuth · 20/01/2014 07:48

You've not seen me bf then SanityClause. I have no compunction about whapping out a boob whenever DD requires one. I had no choice really - she stopped tolerating having anything draped over us at an early age, plus I'm a J-cup when nursing so it's hard to be discreet anyway.

No one's ever complained and would get a mouthful if they did. And I hope that my feeding the way I do make other women feel less self-conscious about breast feeding - however they chose to do it.

intheround · 20/01/2014 07:51

Why not email the company and tell them your thoughts ? They might be interested in the feedback

Booboostoo · 20/01/2014 08:15

"Not everyone wants their tits on display in public"

This captures exactly what is wrong with the perception of bf (whether by others or the person bfing). A person bfing is not putting their tits on public display regardless of how much of the nipple or breast tissue is revealed during the feeding, they are simply feeding their baby. An act is defined by its intentions, the intention here is to feed not to expose oneself in public, so it should be viewed as the former not the latter.

SpanielFace · 20/01/2014 08:52

TBH although I was conscious of my "tits on display", and DS wouldn't tolerate being covered, I was more conscious about my hideous, post-CS tummy. That's what I used the vests for!

Original poster
K8Middleton · 20/01/2014 10:02

Not everyone wants their tits on display in public places. Why does that bother you? Congratulations on totalling missing the point while explaining exactly what is wrong with the ad. Also could cite where I have written or even implied that "tits should be on display" please? If you read the whole of my relatively short post MadIsTheNewNormal you will see that it is not the product I am taking exception to, it is the message. I couldn't care less what women choose to wear to feed if they have made the choice freely.

The issue I have is with the message that women need or ought to feed discreetly. Um, why? Is there something wrong with breastfeeding? I don't think on a website like Mumsnet that is about empowering parents we should be undermining them.

The exact wording is "Breastfeed discreetly" in large letters, then the product URL and then a brief description of the product. Yes it is also a needlessly commercial product when two tops can do the same job but that's not my point here. There are plenty of needless products that people want and that's fine.

It is the instruction to be discreet that I think is off.

So for the hard of thinking my issue is...

The wording of the advert which looks like an instruction and by implication suggests anyone not buying one of these products is indiscreet [see second post about "tits out" ffs]

Women should not have to be discreet (this statement does not in any way mean that women who choose to actively cover up are wrong).

The fact it is on Mumsnet - a site where I expect all non-harmful parenting choices to be supported.

OP posts:
Original poster
K8Middleton · 20/01/2014 10:03

Not everyone wants their tits on display in public places. Why does that bother you?

This I think, might be one of the most stupid things I have ever read on here.

OP posts:
BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 20/01/2014 17:01

I know what you mean (without seeing the ad)

And I agree.

Telling people to feed discreetly by using this certain product is suggesting that those who dont are "flopping their tits out in public", and therefore deserving of all the shite bfers get from onlookers

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 20/01/2014 17:04

Def agree that "comfortably" breastfeeding is better. If being "discreet" makes you comfortable, thats fine, but its not judging those who arent bothered.

MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 20/01/2014 17:28

Hullo everyone,

K8Middleton - could you send us the screenshot so we can have a squizz?

Original poster
K8Middleton · 20/01/2014 19:23

Thanks Kate, I have sent it to you by email.

OP posts:
legoplayingmumsunite · 20/01/2014 19:39

Comfortably is definitely a better word. Once you get your newborn to latch on properly then it's generally your belly you want to keep warm while BFing (TBH cardigans are best for keeping you cozy and covered while BFing but as the OP said, let's not get into the usefulness of the product).

The trouble with the use of 'discreet' to describe BFing is that it causes a lot of anxiety when you are struggling to get a newborn to latch on. DS, thankfully my third child, was preemie and took ages (up to half an hour when he was tiny) to latch on, and it was weeks before I could feed on one side in public because I'd have to hold that boob to get it into his mouth then he'd not latch on properly, so out it would come again and then the repositioning would start etc etc. All while he yelled the room down. There was no way it could be done 'discreetly'. But because I was not a new Mum and had BF 2 children before I knew it would get easier and so kept at it. But a first time Mum in the same situation might well dispair of things ever getting better and give up because they were worried about not BFing 'discreetly'.

MNHQ
AmyMumsnet · 21/01/2014 17:03

Hi all,

Thanks for flagging this up. This ad should stop appearing within the next half an hour.

Original poster
K8Middleton · 21/01/2014 20:49

Thank you. I did worry I was making a bit of a fuss but actually, having read all the posts on here I'm glad I did raise it.

Thanks again :)

OP posts:
hazchem · 22/01/2014 02:22

Thanks MNHQ for such a quick response.

K8Middleton thanks for raising it:) Little by little things get better.

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