Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

We're becoming a nation of only children: do you agree? And have a butcher's at our guest blog, too

139 replies

HelenMumsnet · 27/03/2013 13:02

Hello.

There's an article in The Telegraph today saying that we're becoming a nation of only children, with almost half of all parents having just one child.

The Telegraph article suggests that many parents are "stopping at one" largely because of the mounting cost of bringing up children.

Do you think this is true?

If you're a parent, do you only have one child? If so, is that by choice or not? And if it was by choice, how big a part did your family finances play in that choice?

And what are the implications, if any, of a generation of onlies who've had no siblings to squabble play with?

MNHQ STOP PRESS: In a guest blog today, MN blogger and mother of one Stephanie Pomfrett (who blogs over here) writes about her decision to be a one-child family - and why she won't be adding a sibling to the mix.

Do read what she has to say, too - and post your comments here or over on our Bloggers thread.

OP posts:
FannyBazaar · 28/03/2013 21:29

My DC is the only, only child in the class!

I never knewBlush. Is that bad?

mixedgreensalad · 28/03/2013 22:30

Have four, two of each , mad busy wrecked tired most of the time. But the good thing is they all play together. Neighbours/school friends with only children, always trying to organise playdates for bored kids..not an issue here although we do have playdates from time to time. Only problem is when they try to kill each other..which is quite a lot Grin

OrWellyAnn · 28/03/2013 23:15

I only know one family with just one child...everyone I know seems to be going for a third at the moment!

MrsShrek3 · 28/03/2013 23:29

don't know any 1 child families. all my friends have 2 or 3, many have 5.

nkf · 29/03/2013 07:10

It's a silly article based on bad reading of statistics.

SquidgyMummy · 29/03/2013 07:30

would love another , but was a late starter. DS 2.5 was born when i was 40.
DP doesn't want anymore as DS has been hard work, and also has 2 older DC's who live abroad, so he has enough children as far as he in concerned.

I just would like a sibling for DS to play with, although that is not guaranteed.
I am one of 3 and not close to either (perhaps more due to our dysfunctional childhood...!)

Part of me still hopes I can pop one more out if i manage to change DP's mind...!

leatheralley · 29/03/2013 11:40

Having your only close relationship with a parent (usually the mother) is very unhealthy for both mother and child. The problems don't show up until the only child tries to establish close relationships with other people - especially spouses.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 29/03/2013 13:42

Leather, have you got links to any studies on that point?

aliphil · 29/03/2013 13:55

We will probably stick at one - though as she's only 7 mo I reserve the right to change my mind! DH was a very happy only child, and I hated having a brother, so there isn't the urge to provide DD with a sibling. But also, much as I love DD, most of pregnancy and a large part of the last 7 months have been so miserable that I don't think I could face it again (tendency to depression).

Spuderoonerism · 29/03/2013 15:25

What are you basing that on leatheralley?

cazboldy · 29/03/2013 17:29

I think childcare costs for working mum's probably do play a part..... my sil says she can only afford childcare for one, and originally planned on having another when her dc1 went to school (he's 3) but has since realised that there would be 2 to pay for in the hols, and also, now she is out of the baby stage is finding things much easier, and has no real desire to do the whole pg, newborn thing again.

I am a sahm (apart from being a part time student, and working 1 day a week) to 5 dc, and am 12 wks pg with a surprise number 6.

I think also, on the whole, people are more comfortable with saying they only want one nowadays. People seem to look down far more on large families these days than small ones!

There is too much generalisation ( i.e not all singles will be lonely little napoleons, and not all large families live off benefits/rely on a massive income - we cut our cloth and make sacrifices instead!)

I think it might even become more common with the lack of jobs, difficulty in getting on the property ladder etc. If the average age of a first time buyer is mid 30's, and you don't have your first baby until 40ish, you are going to be hard pushed to pop out 4 (or more!)

morethanpotatoprints · 29/03/2013 17:39

leather

Children have close relationships with all sorts of people, they don't NEED siblings.
There's extended family, friends at school (who at some times in the childs life become more important than parents). I'm sure there are many others.
Teachers, pre school workers, nannies etc.

Snog · 29/03/2013 17:59

leatheralley what an odd viewpoint. What is it based on?

TheEasterQODdy · 29/03/2013 19:11

Circumstance

Dd is a surrogate baby.

TomArchersSausage · 29/03/2013 20:26

I am an only but def wanted more than one dc if possible. I have 3 dc.

Southsearocks · 29/03/2013 22:21

Desperately wanted number 2 but I got too old [busad]

Nattynar · 29/03/2013 22:49

We just cannot afford to put 2 children through childcare, it wouldn't be worth me working as my entire wages would be used on childcare. And I think it is unfair to expect DP to work all the hours that God sends whilst I'm a SAHM. I just don't think I want to go through the whole being pg, newborn once DS starts school.

Plus it would effectively mean that I would have to put my career on hold for 10 years, and still be on the same wage at the end of it.

DS is a well adjusted boy, who is social and happy. He will never be a brat, because we are careful to make sure he knows his boundaries and his place.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 30/03/2013 00:14

Forgive me for not having read all the thread (so someone may well have said this already) but all that article seems to be saying is that nearly half of all families currently have one child in them, not that those children will spend all their lives as onlies. As nfk says, it's statistical illiteracy.

swallowedAfly · 30/03/2013 09:58

i would be very, very surprised if this was true (it might just be that 50% of families surveyed have only had their first child so far).

i have one child and i seem to be pretty rare and even as a single parent people are always asking me if i'll have anymore.

my reflex was to say that it wasn't due to money that i only have one but upon reflecting further it actually is to do with money in a way. i am not sure i have the energy or could cope with starting again with a second child. i'm a single parent, have gone back to work last year and sometimes feel run off my feet. but actually if i was on a really high income that wouldn't put me off because i'd have more childcare options. whereas i stayed home with ds i'd happily have a second child and go back to work quite quickly and utilise a lot of childcare and possibly domestic help to make that work. at present i couldn't afford to do that.

so when i really break it down it IS because of money because if i knew i could afford decent childcare and domestic help and could carry on with my balance of work and home i'd do it. because of lack of money those kind of 'options' aren't there.

Moominsarehippos · 30/03/2013 10:23

I know very few only children. Please stop treating us like an effing freakshow. Tbh, I was one kid in a large family, and we were treated like a sideshow attraction too.

I'm reading a very good book about parenting an only child (will pop back with the title when I get a mo).

Moominsarehippos · 30/03/2013 10:29

Leather - do please explain that 'gem'. My mum was an only child - happily married for 50 years. Only 2 siblings have not been divorces/not middle aged and single. A schoolmate was one of 7 kids - last heard 2 sisters up the duff as teenagers and one arrested for sexual assault.

I akways ask only children about their experiences. They usually say that they had a good childhood, didn't miss out and why am I asking such a stupid question?

swallowedAfly · 30/03/2013 10:56

leather's statement is backed up by nothing. i also loathe the assumption that an only child's only close relationship would be with it's mother. i'm a single mother and there is no father in the picture at all and yet i am not my son's only close relationship. he spends regular time in the care of his grandparents, lots of time with my sister and her teenage children (one of whom he is especially close to) and he has lots of friends.

i am not an only but was a pretty lonely child due to a combo of parental disinterest and a divide and rule family dynamic that made it really hard for me and my sister to be in any way close. however even then i had a grandfather i saw a lot of and was really close to and enjoyed a fab relationship with which meant i experienced unconditional love and intimacy and reliability etc.

parents/siblings are not the only relationships children have.

swallowedAfly · 30/03/2013 10:56

unless you're living in one of those freakishly hermetically sealed in a domestic unit families with 'babes in the wood' syndrome.

Moominsarehippos · 30/03/2013 11:00

My mum was far closer to her father actually.

Booky: you and your only child, Dr Patricia A Nachman, publisher HarperPerennial

PurpleStorm · 30/03/2013 12:34

Surprised to hear that one-child families are so common.

I know far more families with two or more children than I do families with only children.

Although, having said that, 19 month old DS is an only child at the moment. All being well, he'll be part of a two child family in another 6 months or so. There may be many more families where the only child isn't going to remain an only child.