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MNHQ

Parenting: Cameron's childhood adviser says we're all getting it wrong. Is she right?

290 replies

HelenMumsnet · 02/03/2013 10:23

Morning.

Claire Perry, MP, David Cameron's adviser on childhood, has been telling the papers today that Britain's parents have got it all wrong.

In The Times (£), the Telegraph and the Daily Mail, Perry is quoted as saying...

  • We fill every moment of our children's lives with organised activities, "damaging their lives" by leaving them unable to fend for themselves when they go to university.

  • We should 'snoop' on our children's text messages and internet exchanges. Perry says that, as a society, we are all 'complicit' in allowing a culture where youngsters can make inappropriate contact with strangers at all hours of the day and night. She adds, "Most parents are too busy, don't know the words, aren't aware their children are doing it. They are living in digital oblivion."

Do you agree with either of her points?

Or not?

Please do post and tell!

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 02/03/2013 21:13

Sorry if it has already been mentioned, but

Go Justine!!!

But Mrs Perry's views came under fire from Mumsnet founder Justine Roberts, who insisted parents were "doing their best" and were "knackered most of the time".

She told BBC News: "Mothers are, sadly, used to copping a lot of blame - but being charged with being over-protective, cupcake-baking helicopter parents at the same time as being feckless, couch potatoes who let their children have unfettered internet access is a bit rich.

"Of course there are some 'tiger mum' types who are micromanaging packed improvement schedules for their children... but on Mumsnet certainly, they are far outweighed by others who share Clare Perry's view that unstructured time is really important."

Ms Roberts added: "Politicians could more usefully perhaps focus on improving local schools, job prospects, childcare options and flexible work solutions than telling us how to be better parents."

link

trustissues75 · 02/03/2013 21:18

If they're so worried about he nation's children perhaps they should ocus on the shambles that they are about to create with single working parents and how it's going to drive children even further into poverty? Perhaps they should be addressing the very real crisis of lack of affordable housing? Perhaps they should be concentrating on the education system and that it's a complete shambles? Perhaps they should concentrate on making sure there is good quality, affordable child care available for families struggling to make ends meet? Where are all these parents who have all this free time to ferry their kids from one activity to the next? Perhaps they should concentrate on making the bloody robbing banks and multinational companies pay their way instead of using the weak and vulnerable as "scrounging" scapegoats. I wonder how much money this woman is being paid?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/03/2013 21:26

Well said Justine - and I'm glad the cupcakes got a mention Grin - they were the most surreal bit and the most amusing Wink

TolliverGroat · 02/03/2013 21:39

Thinking about the nation's children as a whole all nearly-15-million of them does Ms Perry really think that the top issue facing them is that their parents spend too much time ferrying them around between tennis lessons, swimming and extra Mandarin? Really ? Did she miss this story, for example? Or this one? Or this?

trustissues75 · 02/03/2013 21:40

Go Justine indeed!!!!! To my mind this woman's job is like a lot o the jobs within this government...created to scrutinise, criticise and create a pile of useless sound-bites to avoid actually doing anything of use and to try to detract attention from the real issues we are facing.

OrWellyAnn · 02/03/2013 21:41

Half the people I know can no longer afford after school activities and are so damn busy WORKING in the evening to pay for the rising cost of everything and lack of pay rises that it's not surprising the can't 'snoop' on their kids.

Stupid, out of touch, disenfranchised. Don't know how else to describe this woman. Love to see her survive on our wages AND be the perfect parent. This govt seems determined to alienate it's people on every level.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/03/2013 21:41

I think she was very undermining actually of the fabulous job most mothers do in raising their children, of their tremendous energy, love, and commitment in doing their best for their DC's.

And a very important part of what we can offer is in delegating some of that input into our children's lives to others. We choose carefully those that will be able to complement what we ourselves can offer. So for example with my DS he has extra male input from a world champion karate teacher, a fine trumpet teacher (who was able to identify that DS had a natural aptitude for that instrument) and band leader. These men have provided wonderful, diverse role models to my DS, in addition to the contribution DH can offer.

I'm slightly offended by the way Mrs Perry talks about both my efforts and theirs (all those also contributing their time and talents in my DC's lives)
As they say "It takes a village to raise a child"
IMHO my views are more considered and balanced than hers.
If she ends up with egg on her face over this I'd like to apply for the job please Mr Prime Minister ! (DC is confusing on here !)

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 21:42

i dunno, i agree with lots of what she is saying and in my experience kids either get too much or too little

to be honest i'd rather concentrate on the kids who are left to wander the streets alone or with other kids but the children who are ferried about to lesson after lesson without any free time do suffer too.

i agree parents are doing the best they can but sometimes i do think they interfere too much in their childrens lives.

this is what i've experienced in rl btw not on mn

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 21:43

weird how so many on here are affronted by her views, maybe a feeling of being a bit too near the truth?

curryeater · 02/03/2013 21:44

Yep, thanks for standing up for us Justine.

Another thing occurred to me - all these "activities" might be less important if kids could, for instance, have proper music lessons at state school.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 02/03/2013 21:47

Too near the truth?

I cannot afford to heat my fucking house, nevermind take my kids to all the classes going.

And I dont need to worry about my DDs access to the internet, 1) shes 4 and 2) I use my phone. We dont have a laptop or PC because again, we cannot afford it.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/03/2013 21:52

I don't think it's weird germy and definitely not that she's too close to the truth - I'm affronted by her ill thought out views because I care about the children in our country and the attitudes and policies which will affect their lives.
There are so many other things that any spokeswoman for children and families or adviser on childhood should be saying instead

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 21:52

why are you taking my post personally?

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 21:53

sorry that was to wanna, so what should she be focussing on?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 02/03/2013 21:54

I am not taking it personally. I am sure that a lot of others on here have similar difficulties to me.

I am offended by your post. But I didnt take it personally.

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 21:56

offended? how?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 02/03/2013 22:01

Because you have missed all the posts saying that people would prefer she tackled real issues. Some people here agree with her. I do to an extent.

But my grievance is not just with what she has said, its not close to the truth. My grievance is with what she hasnt said. The issues she isnt raising.

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 22:06

so that's offensive to you? Confused

perhaps she will cover more 'important' issues as well. thought what she said was quite interesting myself, we do need to worry about what they can access online

so what should she be saying and doing?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 02/03/2013 22:10

She should be looking at the ways the governments policies are affecting children in real terms.

Quality of state education, child poverty, high housing costs and how that leads to overcrowding and children being brought up in houses that arent fit for purpose. I could go on.

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 22:13

perhaps she will now mn has given her such a negative reception

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/03/2013 22:15

She could say that it's good to give your children some attention and focus on their interests and what's important to them - to try to make sure that each of your DC's gets some time to talk with you on a regular basis.
Lots of good, basic, straight-forward, encouraging, (and well researched and evidenced) parenting advice she could share with us all for children's benefit ....
instead of these random ramblings Hmm

Then she could pick up on some of those fundamental issues that affect us all as parents that Justine mentioned .... and actually do some things to help.

But she's probably in the wrong party to be interested in that !

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 22:22

but that a totally useless thing for her to say! mn does make me laugh so quick to jump in with an opinion yet so oblivious to the real world

iclaudius · 02/03/2013 22:23

I fundamentally agree with her. Down the line. I see so much ferrying about of children for instance whilst people pull sad faves at my ten year old wanting to walk home alone!!
At the other end of the scale my university- child aged parents with the phone pinging every five minutes because Johhnnies got a cold - probably because he can't eat properly because he can't cook clean or wash his own clothes at 21

Thisisaeuphemism · 02/03/2013 22:24

I found the first part offensive.

What she seems to be saying is this;

some teens do so much swimming, tennis, French and piano that mummy forgets to teach them how to cook or wash their clothes. They have such a terrible first team at university they just live on beans on toast!!! Awful!!

If only I (and 85% of country had those problems!).

As for the second part, I would like to see govt also look at options against accessibility of porn rather than solely blaming parents.

iclaudius · 02/03/2013 22:25

Whoops posted too soon could go on and on but on phone - will check in later but was VERY pleased to see this advisor speaking do much sense. It's a new thing - my parenting experiences spam 20 years and its far far worse now than ten years ago...