A place to talk about abuse, violence etc

[Offred]

I've asked before and now you have the we believe you campaign I thought you might be more amenable...

Please, can we have an area for threads talking about abuse and violence? Please? It is so important that when people come on here they do not have to run the gauntlet of rape/violence/abuse apologists before they can get support. I also think that individual posts are alienating to people dipping in because they are like cliques and hard to follow. I think to could get around the privacy issues in various ways such as having advice about namechanging and erasing the history on your computer/private browsing and tracking devices that may be installed by abusers on devices at the top and by making it clear that it is not necessarily safe to post if you share a computer etc.

Mu ex has posted on mn in the past - he was outed too. If I posted directly I think he would take legal advice as there's some contention about whether an event happened or not

Offred, I hope you are OK.

I can see where MN were coming from on that thread as I don't think people were trolling, they genuinely hold those opinions. My great uncle just as genuinely held the opinion that women should always wear skirts. So I can see the education argument.

FWIW, I think the OP of that thread wouldn't have put her first post in your suggested topic (and I'm all for an auto-hidden topic a la Special Needs for abuse etc).

Not quite sure where that leaves me - just that we should
Try and post personally as much as we can when people are writing such things - be the change you want to see, and all that.

I agree posts would not necessarily go in it to start but could be moved to it if it did kick off. Being the change I want to see is becoming impossible for me in these circumstances. Natural's post is closer to it that actually I can't (and presumably the same with others who find the topic emotive and personal) actually cope with commenting on threads like this one. unfortunately people who are posting with the victim blaming are not likely to be people who find the topic emotionally they are more likely to be like some of the worst and now deleted posts.

*emotionally difficult

I am calming down btw. DH has come to bed now. Will stay away from MN tomorrow.

NaturalWinning, I think Maryz and others on that thread are asking for a place where sensitive support issues of all types can be posted but where the rules (if you will) are tighter than the normal MN rules so that any sort of "apologist" posts could be deleted and there would be no onus on those wanting to support the OP to "educate" those unsympathetic to whatever their plight is.

sorry you are finding it hard, hope things get better.

I should have said that no-one should post more than they feel able to, of course xxx

Yes, sounds a great plan zombie.

Zombie, thankyou that's explained brilliantly and a great idea.

Offred, sometimes I just can't engage with threads as they are too triggering, it is ok to let others do that and know that when you are strong you can be the change thanks Doctrine but you need to heal first iyswim

Scarred, yep some stuff I could post about could be legally challenged in the same sense. I don't think mn is the place for it yet though, in my case.

I think a new section of the forum is a good idea. I am not being at all sarcastic but if people want a place where they will receive only feedback that supports their viewpoint or outlook, that could be very valuable, especially for people who are feeling vulnerable. It could be up to the OP in question whether they want to post there or move their thread there, if that's the sort of support they want.

I have name-changed previously to post into "Relationships" and been told to "get a grip" and, having initially been stung by the responses, realised that I need to get a grip. One of the many great things about MN.

BTW, I have never reported another comment to MN - I did not get your comment deleted on the other thread Offred.

I think this is an excellent idea. I increasingly find that MN just is not a safe space to post on about male violence too many morons who want to defend it and tbh I don't feel up to educating them, it is triggering and upsetting to read that women shd just STFU about being abused by men and when I read that sort of apologism, I don't feel like engaging with those people, much less educating them.

I suspect that's why MN set up "feminist support" aa they know that feminists aren't going to victim-blame, but I don't think people looking for support are going to find that section because it doesn't occur to anyone that they need to go to an area labelled "feminist" to get support. That's why this might work better.

I don't see why you want me to be grateful about that florafox. If you want to have the comment deleted then do it if you don't then why bring it up, it doesn't make your misguided view on that thread correct or make the discussion a valid one just because you think you are being magnanimous to me. I have to say I disagree with you about the "viewpoints" thing, there really is not a different viewpoint to have about whether something is sexual assault or not, it either is or isn't and on that thread it is, there really is no argument about it it is really clear cut as a case of sexual assault and I think this is one of the problems with the "educating" thing because when it is actually just a bunfight between members of a forum the people who don't believe in sexual assault, in this case, just write off the thread as a difference of opinion in which they were treated badly during what was a "valid discussion" I don't think it is ok to tell someone who has been sexually assaulted that it isn't sexual assault. That is not a valid discussion, that is an offensive and incorrect opinion which could potentially be exceptionally damaging to someone's actual real life.

Thanks for this - we will feed it in to our thinking about OTBT2.

I read that thread offred (only today so too late to contribute), you were eloquent and I agree with you wholeheartedly.

I really feel that there should be a zero tolerance to victim blaming on the whole relationships board. Relationships is not the place for educating the ignorant imvho.

Thankyou Rowan/MNHQ

That's a good idea Norma, if relationships is where people are coming for support it could be expected the discussions happen in somewhere which is expected to be more controversial like AIBU.