Do you let your son/daughter's boyfriend/girlfriend stay the night?

[FrancesMumsnet]

Do you let your teenager's boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over?

DS's girlfriend initially used the spare room - she'd stay with him in his room watching tv (!!!) until the early hours then move into the spare room. I then noticed that she didn't move - and DS asked me if we were ok with her staying in his room (this is a 3 year relationship), and I covered my ears and said I didn't want to know.

So she does.

He knows that it's ok as we like her - there's no guarantee for future girlfriends!

Absolutely. DDs 1 & 2 are 17 and 18 (almost 18/19) and their boyfriends regularly stay at ours and they stay with them too. I met their father when I was 17 so couldn't exactly say no if I'd wanted too!

I was clear with dc that our decision was dependent on factors relating to their age and the length of their relationship. So:

When dd was 16, and her bf was 15, we said no.

In their late teens / university age they could stay together if they'd been together for 6 months - however that meant 6 months after WE had been introduced to the boy/girl friend (to avoid the lie that they'd been together for ages but that we'd not known about it, and to ensure that I met any potentially serious boyfriends early on [nosy mother emoticon])

I can only imagine that if they were late 20's and brought a new partner home, I'd rely on whatever they felt was appropriate (assuming some more mature decisions).

I do understand the argument about preferring your kids to be in a safe place rather than behind the bus stop, but I also have my own principals, and discussing these with my dc let them know what my own stance was - and what I felt comfortable / uncomfortable about. So I was clear that I would not feel comfortable if my dc brought home a series of one-night-stands who I might meet fleetingly over breakfast, and I hope they know that I will lovingly accept anyone with whom they have a significant relationship.

NB to Mumsnet If this piece was prompted by a journalist, I do not want my response to be quoted in their article.

Errr, shouldn't it have been posted then in media requests? Is there Frances working for Mumsnet at all?

Yes. He was 18, she was 17. They'd been going out for about 3 months.

I feel as uncomfortable with the idea that my son is having sex as he doubtless feels about me having it. But I asked myself if not now, when would I let them? When they were married? That seemed prudish and hypocritical to me, seeing as I have no moral objection to pre-marital sex.

So as it just came down to the YUK factor, I decided to overcome that, and allow it.

DSD is still at the kissing is yucky let alone sex stage (thankfully) but I can remember living at home and at 17 my boyfriend staying over to help my mum decorate and he was in the spare room, my mum at bedtime mnade a jokey comment to him about nighttime wanderings and that she would be on the stairs well at 2am I went to the loo and yup she was on the stairs rofl

Very odd that MNHQ are "just helping a journalist out" yet don't put that in the OP. Bad form.

I know everything here is a public forum anyway, but still can MNHQ let us know their stance on this?

I've reported the OP.

Yes.

DS1 was 17 when he asked if his GF could stay over, DD and DS2 both 18 when they did.

Relationship lengths of about three months on each occasion.

At various times we've also had partner(s) living with us.

Drinkfeck? Why would you report the op? She is clearly from mnhq. This thread like any others posted here is open to be looked at by anyone in the world, that includes journalists. We choose to post a reply in the knowledge that anything we say can be used without our permission.

usually MNHQ explains on whose behalf they're asking and not first ask the question and then when prompted give an obscure answer. It may very well be a MNHQ person but they haven't gone round it the proper way this time.

@DrinkFeckArseGirls

usually MNHQ explains on whose behalf they're asking and not first ask the question and then when prompted give an obscure answer. It may very well be a MNHQ person but they haven't gone round it the proper way this time.

Hello, hello. Sorry about this: we should have put this in Site stuff and explained more clearly that we've been contacted by a journalist who's asked us what Mumsnet would do about boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping over. So we wanted to ask you folks for your opinions before replying.

Apols for the confusion but please don't blame FrancesMumsnet - she's lovely!

Francesmumsnet your discussion is going to be on This morning well this morning

I would, too. From 16 on up.

I'm sure Frances is lovely .

Exactly as Onehandflapping - felt def yuk factor... but let my DS and GF stay in his room... they are 18 and 19 and at uni together so clearly natural to them. I did check that her parents were happy with it first tho.

Yes my DS and his GF stay over have no problem with it, they are 19 and 18 and have been together nearly 2 years.

I say yes, DH says spare room...... she is 17.

He ignores the corridor creeping though

It does maryz sweetness

You should see the shiny loveliness of DD's room.....

after 16 years of grimness

Yes, from 17 (they had been together for over a year by then).

They are now 20 and still together.

Ah - well if it results in sparkling clean and tidy rooms, then it might be worth considering

Not sure why everybody assumes that if you don't encourage your children to be having sex in their teens, by letting them share a bed in your house, they will be having sex in a bus shelter. Talk about tarring everyone with the same brush! Loads of people wait you know. I believe there is a POV to be stated that by condoning it, it puts yet more pressure on people to have sex in a relationship before they might be 100% certain. People that aren't quite sure, but have parents saying "of course you will be having sex at {insert 16, 17, 18} so you might as well sleep together here" then puts it into the "expected" category, when actually, many, many people who have ambition, education and interests are just not at that stage, at that age in their lives.
Sorry, that's not worded well, I hope you can decipher what I'm trying to say

Not in our case. DD told me she was having sex with her lovely boyfriend long before he was invited to spend the night here. Had she not, he wouldn't have been asked. I would never put a child of mine in a position where I was encouraging them to have sex if they were reluctant in any way.

Yes I do

I allow DD and BF to stay as does his parents, they started going out at 16, now 17, I think as parents we have the measure of BF or GF, in a way it brings you closer as you are sharing the next level of adulthood with them, if you nay say to them you could distance yourself from them, we all remember the first flush of love, sometimes it ends badly sometimes not, and when it does we need to hear understanding not told you so. let them make their own decisions, with your guidence.