I think I need a book about bringing up girls - before I strangle 3 year old DD once and for all!

[mckenzie]

She's my daughter after all so I shouldn't be surprised that she is headstrong, cheeky, manipulative and gorgeous all at the same time. But seriously I do worry about how often we clash and I'd really like to learn how to deal with it in a better way (currently it involves me losing my patience much too often). She is currently rather defiant, deliberate naughty and a PITA.

Any book recommendations gratefully received. i don't expect it to solve all the issues but a good book might give me some ideas to think about huh?

We had Raising Boys when DS was about this age - I guess I'm looking for a female equivalent.

TIA

Have you read 'How to talk so kids will listen'? V good.

I'm not at all sure (as the parent of children of both sexes) that I approve of all this constant sex segregation. It seems to imply that the sexes are actually different species, which they aren't. There is a new book called 'How to Potty Train Boys" ffs! It helps to keep a sense of humour about miniature divas, says she, who lost her sense of humour big time with her kids tonight
I think the less you say no, the easier life is (can't be bothered any more emoticon)

But they are different, MsDemeanor.

I was watching 90 3/4 year olds in my daughter's end of year show this morning. The girls stood still, did what was asked, waited their turn easily. The boys found it much, much harder. Really.

Raising Girls?

www.amazon.co.uk/Raising-Girls-Different-Happy-Confident/dp/000720485X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qi d=1213996546&sr=8-1

The female equivalent is Raising Girls by Gisele Preuschoff.
I have a 3 year old girl too and can identify with every word of the op; at times I could cheerfully strangle her.. I am in awe of DD2's sheer relentlessness at times

They are still just very small people. I think it is more helpful to see them as individuals rather than as mere examples of their gender.

Thank you for the replies.

On wednesday MsDemeanor, i had a whole day where I promised myself that i would not say 'no'. It was sooooo hard but I just about managed it but to try and do that continuously would be almost impossible. I wasn't able to do much else all day, I had to just keep reminding myself to only use positives and not negatives. Maybe if i do it more often, like anything, it will get easier.

I will dig out the 'How to talk so kids will listen' book JackieNo, I have a copy somewhere. Thanks for that tip.

I have a copy on the shelf and while it's pretty good, tbh I don't think there's a book that will fix insane 3 year-olds; time is the only cure..

I know, it's blooming awful and draining dealing with under fives sometimes. They are all quite mad, and jolly unreasonable, but saying yes instead of no, and being able to see the funny side does help, but none of us is perfect.

And tomorrow is another day and she'll probably be cute as a button, just to confuse you!

I thought it fascinating to observe so many 3/4 year olds being expected to do the same thing and to notice the evident gender differences. Face it, how often do you see 90 tiny children being coordinated like that? Hardly ever.

"How to potty train boys" is about as relevant as "Period talks for girls", given that they hqave a completely different set up.

At my little daughter's first nursery play she absolutely refused to cooperate and sat on my lap the entire time in her TIger suit. Mind you, we did later discover she was going down with chickenpox!
The best and most cooperative performers at reception and yr1 levels are often boys, I've found.
I keep wanting to say girls are this or that, eg quieter, less boisterous, and then remember the most earsplitting shrieky playdates and my own sporty, lively daughters and bookish son!

Well, I've potty trained girls and a boy, and apart from my little chap taking a lot longer to get the hang of it, I didn't find it a different process. Lots of encouragement, no nappy, plenty of reminders, potty, loo. When they are sitting down it's the same thing really, surely?

It's getting them to stay sitting down and not wee in the dvd speakers that't the trick

yes, I'm sure you are correct. Tomorrow morning she'll creep into my bedroom and kiss my forehead while whispering "please may I have a cuddle?" and I shall fall in love with her all over again. I will try harder than ever to make a positive out of everything with both of my children tomorrow and see how the day pans out.

But if DD reduces me to tears like she did this afternoon then I might be back hunting for a good book (BetteNoire, the 'Raising Girls' one gets slated on Amazon unfortunately, put me off rather).

Until tomorrow then...

And I'm not saying there aren't any differences at all, but I do think this black and white segregation is actually rather harmful. Like the all pink/all blue sections in the ELC catalogue. Looking at older children's books - eg the Shirley Hughes books - you don't see the constant emphasis on difference you do now. I wonder why it's changed?

Yes, she'll almost certainly be a cutie tomorrow. Sounds like you had a bad day, can certainly sympathise with that but don't think that means you are doing anything wrong. Most of us (all of us) have them, and two and three year olds can be very trying, but they don't mean to be.

'How To Talk ...' is good but only even beginning to become relevant now that DD is 4. I have a 'raising girls' book of some description and it's not that interesting. Toddler Taming probably still of a lot of use for a 3yo. Otherwise, wine is useful, small children are very funny when you're half-cut, you just have to not sit down and start to fall asleep, or need to drive anywhere.

3 year olds are particularly vile - they have enough reason to be really quite troublesome, and not enough to reason with!

The "Raising Girls" one is awful.

The answer that it gives to almost every problem faced by parents of girls is to buy the girl a horse.

Yep, really effective parenting technique, that one ...

morning all. I found the "How to talk" book and as DH was out for the evening I snuggled down in bed with it! Even just the two chapters that I read made lots of sense and gave me some great food for thought (particularly when they verbalise a scenario and then ask you to think how the child would feel having just heard those words. Very thought provoking). I've tried it this morning and so far, so good. It's worked paticularly well though with 7 year old DS rather than DD but what the heck. Let's see if I can keep it up all day.

Have a good one everyone.