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Original poster

What to get friend who is suffering with the first few days of being a new mum

32 replies

futurity · 05/06/2008 16:13

Not sure if this is the right section but here goes!

My best friend has just had her first baby and had a traumatic birth (45 hours labour, episiotomy, ventouse). From what I hear from her Mum (not spoken to friend myself yet) the hospital were crap during the birth(not allowing her to have pain relief etc) and also afterwards (not showing her how to change nappy etc) and she is struggling with feeding as her nipples have gone inverted. She is going through the first few days of hormone hell, worrying that she doesn't know what to do etc etc and my heart breaks for her as we all know what it is like.

I am not going to see her yet as I am not local but also I know she wanted space to sort herself out but I want to send her something ...not the normal bunch of flowers...something different for her... Looked at organised mum baby calender which I always had in mind but don't think that is wise if she is feeling fragile about motherhood.

So any ideas welcome really...i know nothing will make up for all she is going through..i just want to do something nice for her.

OP posts:
EffiePerine · 05/06/2008 16:15

FOOD

and something nice for her - bath stuff, nice face cream?

GrapefruitMoon · 05/06/2008 16:16

Chocolate

StealthPolarBear · 05/06/2008 16:17

lanisoh (£5 in sains at the moment)
a card or phone call telling her how well she's doing

fedupandisolated · 05/06/2008 16:19

Some nice pampering bath stuff plus mags to read while she's in there.

Aniyan · 05/06/2008 16:21

Agree re: food idea - something really nice that needs no preparation - can you get a batch of posh ready-meals delivered, plus some chocolate/snacky stuff? I would have loved forever any friend who did that for me when ds was new!

Aniyan · 05/06/2008 16:23

Also, she may have said beforehand that she wanted space to get sorted, but it's worth giving her a call - she may be desperate for a friendly shoulder to weep on and worried about asking.

OsmosisBanana · 05/06/2008 16:24

make a nice picnic and take her out if it's nice?

youknownothingofthecrunch · 05/06/2008 16:24

Definitely something specifically for her as well as something for the baby. Something pampering or indulgent. The presents I cherished were the ones that hadnt forgotten who was doing all the hard work!

I put together a pamper pack for a friend of mine recently. Bath salts (suitable for healing), chocolates, a few small baby things, thermos mug with lid (for safe tea drinking and to keep it warm in the hours you can't drink it), a book of short stories and some other little things that would be both useful and indulgent. It has been much appreciated.

Lizzer · 05/06/2008 16:26

Yeah deffo food, its the last thing you think about/have time for and i remember being starving!!!

Collision · 05/06/2008 16:27

I heard of someone paying for a cleaner for a friend for 6 weeks which I thought was lovely!

How chuffed would you be to have a new baby and know that a lovely lady was coming to clean your house for the first few weeks and help with the washing etc

You would have to interview her yourself to make sure she was a Mrs Doubtfire and not a Cruella de Ville of course!

tassisssss · 05/06/2008 16:27

how about lovely pate, brie and wine? (i'm nearly 39 weeks and that's what I'm craving!)

some nice magazines?

chocolate?

vouchers saying you'll take round a meal a week for the first 6 weeks? (if you're nearby)

BroccoliSpears · 05/06/2008 16:28

Flapjacks
Lansinoh
And a pack of 3 of those muslin squares that are printed - pink for a girl or blue for a boy. Sounds silly, but when all I was doing was being pooed on and clearing up vom, it was cheering to have some pretty pink muslins with flowers on. Made me feel less of a drudge.

sagacious · 05/06/2008 16:28

Lavender oil and tea tree oil (put in bath for healing)
Rubbish celebrity magazines
Chocolate
Eyecream for dark circles
Dry shampoo

Lanisoh .. agree it was a lifesaver

bossybritches · 05/06/2008 16:32

Second sagacious lavender great for soreness,

A firend sent me a lovely pashmina-type scarf that instantly lifted an outfit & was very handy for draping over DD & boobs when BF-ing!!

mellyonion · 05/06/2008 16:45

definately a lovely card acknowledging that shes going through the mill, and that you are thinking of her...so many people get caught up with the new baby and seem to forget the mum....(as most of you probably know!)

how about one of those bouquets made out of fruit? like this?

some magazines....maybe a parenting one for her reference and a trashy one for escapism...

lush bath goodies, or some posh shower gel and spongie net things?

little make up package of concealer, blusher, gloss and mascara in a little bag?

new mug with posh coffee??

love the cleaning idea!!!

how about an offer of sitting with the baby while she baths in new goodies, and also take a nice posh lunch to share?

god, it takes me back to that feeling of sheer hell with my first baby...those first days were just terrible for me! you are really lovely in being so kind to her.

Original poster
futurity · 05/06/2008 17:15

thanks for all the suggestions..they are all just the sort of thing I was after.

Is the Lanisoh the nipple cream.?..if so I think she stocked up on that before hand.

I would have to post things as I don't live near by so would either mean online shopping or getting things and posting in a parcel. I like the idea of the latter as that would make it more personal and could put in exactly what I want. Saying that my choice of shops round here are limited but I could get most things in Boots and Tescos couldn't I:

magazines
bath stuff
chocolate
lavender oil

where can I get those "muslin squares that are printed "?

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 05/06/2008 17:20

boots do nice boy/girls muslims. no the white ones
the coloured ones are with the tiny clothes..

asda used to do nice one to

mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 05/06/2008 17:27

what a lovely friend you are to take time to think what is good for her. TBH i would actually say a sling. not the babybjorns and the like but like a ring sling for a newborn or a wrap. something to give her some hands free time but still have baby close for comfort

wish I had a friend like you

Original poster
futurity · 05/06/2008 17:35

thanks ! I had my first child 6 years ago but I can remember vividly how mind blowing it all was..the feeding..the nappies...the stuff...you know..feeling like you are never going to get the hang of it.

I know at the time if someone had said to me it will get better I probably wouldn't of believed them so I don't want to phone as I fear it won't really help so I just wanted to do something in a different way. We've known each other 23 years and she was never going to have children..she didn't want them at all...but then she changed her mind so I worry that she may be regretting it during these dark few days.

I've found a box big enough to post a few things in so think I will pop out later after the kids are in bed to find some suitable things

OP posts:
mellyonion · 05/06/2008 17:54

just a thought...instead of alcohol...how about some nice non alco posh drink...shloer or something...i hated alcohol early on, and also she may not want to drink if shes bf, also, nice fruity/beneficial teas, some bachs rescue remedy...a "cureall" for any situation!

ummmm. a humerous chick lit book about being a mum???

really, you are so lovely.

bossybritches · 05/06/2008 18:08

Get her on Mumsnet futurity!!

lydiathetattooedlady · 05/06/2008 20:18

i agree with the pamper pack-i felt crap after the birth and though flowers were nice they irritated me. my mum and sisters put together a really nice pack of pampering things which i loved and appreciated to so much more than flowers and chocs!

newgirl · 05/06/2008 20:24

pamper pack is good

i would go for an ocado delivery of healthy ready meals and champagne

Jojay · 05/06/2008 20:28

Love newgirl's idea.

littleboyblue · 05/06/2008 20:29

I wish someone had got me one of those rubber rings to sit on, you know to ease the pain and pressure on my bits. Was quite embarrassing having to put my hand between my legs everytime I wanted to stand up.
The things that people try to ignore, like pile cream if she had bad labour.
Give her a call, even if you just leave a message, she prob want to know she not on her own and that fear of not knowing what your doing, she not alone. We all been there and still are some days!