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Friend or foe?

2 replies

Angela74889 · 18/08/2021 22:05

Hello everyone, thought I would seek out a neutral opinion. Got a friend who has shown me some not so nice colors recently and I'm feeling torn. There are two incidents that really stand out for me.

First one, was when we planned to have a girls lunch and catch up at our house while hubby was working. Even though our dear cat was sick and had to be taken to the vet the evening before, we still did groceries and cleaned the house. The following morning I did more tidying up and started cooking - planned a rather fancy meal so there was lots to do. As I'm well into cooking and at this point it's an hour before she was to arrive, I get a text about how sorry she is that she won't be able to make it as her dog is not feeling well. Our cat had been throwing up earlier in the week, and apparently that day her dog was throwing up too. She was also asking me if we can do tomorrow instead, which I politely declined and said I hope her doggie feels better. I let this slide as we all have off days and times, even though I felt upset. Maybe I'm overanalyzing but just seems like something better came along and she couldn't even make up her own excuse.

Second thing that's made me question thing, was a couple weeks later when I mentioned hubs and I are contemplating a bigger place but nothing set in stone yet. She starts on this long sales pitch about how much her real estate agent brother can help us, etc to which I said thanks and we'll keep it in mind if needed. She went on to say how he even told her to tell us now is a good time to buy, etc and she herself made a comment oh you both work so why not. A couple weeks after this conversation she sends me a follow up asking if we're still looking or if we decided to put it on hold, saying she's just wondering.

It's starting to feel that she wants a bit too much from me. She's pretty high on calls/text frequency as her schedule is much more free than mine. I started putting my own priorities first as I feel that if you want to have a friend to talk to all the time, maybe you should respect their time and efforts, and also not try to help family members make money off of them.

OP posts:
MRex · 19/08/2021 09:33

None of those actions are her being a bad friend.

  1. You chose to make a complex dinner and meet up even though you cat is ill, both those things were your decisions within your control. She felt she couldn't leave a dog that was vomiting (potentially all over her house), that's understandable.
  2. She is referring you to her brother because you said you planned to move and helping with that is his job. Presumably she thinks he can get you a good deal and also he makes commission, so that would be a win-win. Nothing wrong with following up when he asked her again, you hadn't banned the topic (and would be unreasonable to).
  3. She calls and texts more frequently than you do. That's just preference and I doubt she would do that if she knew you didn't like her any more.

I don't think she's been unreasonable at all. You are allowed to pick your own friends based on nothing more than who you fancy spending time with, and if you don't like this woman then it's better to step away so that both she and you can find genuine friendships that work for both. Try to be kind in doing so, she's done nothing wrong.

You should probably ask mumsnet to move this to relationships.

Nopetryagain · 30/08/2021 14:52

Eh?

I vote you are a foe if you interpret such actions as poor behaviour. Set your nice sounding friend free!!

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