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Original poster

Yet another present dilemma - 40th wedding anniversary in 10 days (Ruby I think?)

26 replies

roisin · 02/08/2006 19:21

OK this is a real challenge for you:
My parents are typical Yorkshire folk - genuinely do not like spending money or having money spent on them! They are very ecologically minded and don't like stuff for the sake of it, as it inevitably ends up as landfill. As an added difficulty my dad is dying and fairly soon they or (more probably) just my mum really need to massively downsize and move from a huge 5-bed house to something manageable, (ie dump a lot of 'stuff'). I bought my dad flowers for his birthday this week, so can't do that. Oh, my dad is basically not eating either - did I mention that?

(Are you still with me?) So with all this in mind I've bought lots of luxury food stuff, and packed it up into a nice hamper. With a thought that maybe the special foods will tempt my dad to eat a little bit.

But I feel this isn't enough, and I need to do something more lasting. But I've no idea what. Any suggestions?

Oh also, my dad has set this anniversary up as a real psychological milestone I think - after which he will give up - so I am also a bit wary that any 'lasting' gifts are ultimately going to be seen as memorials of his parting.

Sorry - this is a bit grim and maudlin, isn't it?

OP posts:
Gingerbear · 02/08/2006 19:28

Oh, your poor dad, what a bittersweet time for them both.
When it was my parent's Ruby anniversary, the children (3 of us) clubbed together and bought London show tickets and 2 nights in a hotel. Is your dad too ill to travel?
What about a bottle of good red wine? Or a deep red rose bush in a pot so that your mum will be able to take it when she eventually has to move house?

ComeOVeneer · 02/08/2006 19:30

Was going to say the rose bush too

ComeOVeneer · 02/08/2006 19:31

ruby wedding rose .

Original poster
roisin · 02/08/2006 19:42

Yes, unfortunately he's too ill to travel GB.
I like the idea of a rose, but it's the wrong season. Roses need to be planted late August/Winter (and the site ComeOVeneer suggested doesn't despatch til Nov). I'd hate to order a Ruby Wedding Anniv Rose now, then for it to be delivered after my dad has died.

My dad is/was also a horticultural lecturer, so I'm a bit reluctant to buy plants, because I will definitely get it wrong.

Sorry to be so awkward. Any more suggestions?

OP posts:
wheelybug · 02/08/2006 19:50

Are you going to see them ? If so, could you buy a nice photo frame and have a picture taken of all of you together ? Or do you have one of you all together (grandchildren etc) at a happier time ?

wheelybug · 02/08/2006 19:51

Do they like music - a compilation of the music at the time they were married ? a newspaper from the day (perhaps something too cluttery)

cece · 02/08/2006 19:55

I was going to say Ruby Wedding rose. Bought these for my parents and the inlaws for their ruby wedding anniversaries.

They are really lovely. I know it will 'last' but hopefully when it flowers every year it will be comforting?

wheelybug · 02/08/2006 20:03

we did the ruby wedding rose for my parents last year. Although the ruby wedding rose isn't available until Autumn - this one is no nonsense english rose

WideWebWitch · 02/08/2006 20:05

Oh roisin, I'm so sorry. What about planting some trees somewhere or something, somewhere your mum can go? Ecological, lasting. So sorry, this must be really hard.

WideWebWitch · 02/08/2006 20:06

here

peanutbutter · 02/08/2006 20:10

roison firstly just want to say sorry you and your family are going through this atm.

If this is any help - it was my parents' 40th anniversary last year and they asked for no gifts. I bought them a sixpence from 1965 (dead cheap from ebay, literally just a few pounds) and stuck it inside a really beautiful handmade card. It was just something to make them go "oh, look, it's a sixpence!" and then notice the year on it. Just a tiny something, and something a little different.

peanutbutter · 02/08/2006 20:11

sorry for typing your name wrongly roisin

Original poster
roisin · 02/08/2006 20:15

Thank you all for your ideas and suggestions - it's really helped me to formulate my thoughts and realise what they'd appreciate most.

I've got them this and a few extra trees . My dad loves mangoes - not long after they were first married they were out in Zambia: my dad was overseeing irrigation projects. One day he ate so many mangoes he was ill, and ever since my mum hasn't been able to stand the sight of them!

It's not at all what I envisaged when I started this thread, but I know they will be pleased.

I think I'd like to get a rose for my mum when my dad dies.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 02/08/2006 20:16

I'm glad you found something roisin and so sorry.

wheelybug · 02/08/2006 20:17

sounds like the perfect idea - shows a lot of thought too. Nice to fit round a story.

Sorry you're going through this.

tassis · 02/08/2006 20:17

Sorry to hear your dad's so unwell.

could you get a lovely family photograph done? all the grandchildren together maybe? or make up a montagey thingy of photos from the past 40 years?

is the red rose bush in a pot not possible?

tassis · 02/08/2006 20:18

(too late! I see you've made a plan. Sounds lovely)

acnebride · 02/08/2006 20:22

I really hope ds will come up with something this thoughtful in a few decades' time roisin.

Original poster
roisin · 02/08/2006 20:23

PS I adore the photo idea btw, but it would have to be someone else's family.
With the exception of ds2 we are all exceedingly unphotogenic - i.e. ugly - we look like munchkins and trolls

OP posts:
Gingerbear · 02/08/2006 21:45

that is just perfect Roisin, lovely.
PS I know that you don't look like a troll!!

Katymac · 02/08/2006 21:51

What a great idea (can I steal it for DH's birthday? - he would love a mango plantation)

SherlockLGJ · 02/08/2006 21:54

Oh Roisín

I am so sorry you are going through this.

But think your choices are inspired.

Chin up.

Shall I say a prayer or would that not be your parents thing ??

Original poster
roisin · 02/08/2006 22:28

Oh yes, please do pray - ta.

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 02/08/2006 22:29

Consider it done.

Rowlers · 02/08/2006 22:34

Roisin, your gifts sound perfect
My parents have just celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary so last year I was in your position - my parents have few needs or wants and, like yours, don't like anyone spending money!
Sorry to hear about your father - it sounds like your gift will make him happy
Hope they have a great anniversary