Feeling undesirable

[Holidayblues55]

So currently abroad in a hot country in a private villa, just me and my husband. We've been together for 30 years. Married with grown up kids. Obviously over years we've had our ups and downs sexually but last year or so has been good. Probably due to me being horny hitting perimenopause!
Anyway fast forward to now I've recently lost weight and back to what I was in my 20's. So has he. We've worked hard. Both 50 now. I had to buy new bikinis and other hol clothes as others too big. I don't want to sound conceited but I am happy with how I look and my bikinis are quite skimpy. I'm also sunbathing topless as no point covering up when no one else is looking! I think I'm attractive but now having doubts. I read on here all the time that most men can't get enough of their partners. I'm literally laid mostly naked next to him rubbing suncream on my boobs and he just doesn't notice. I've been in the pool with him and cuddled him and he doesn't push me away but doesn't exactly show any desire either. In my head I want him to grab my bum and cuddle me sexually....but he doesn't.
I'm starting to feel down. We've discussed this in the past and he always says he has no confidence to touch me like that. He does have major self esteem issues so that is true but I'm practically putting my body on a plate and it's like he's oblivious.
We have had sex whilst being here some evenings but I want more. Next week we'll be back at work...defo not nearly named in a private pool.
Am I expecting too much? Anyone else in a similar situation? I'm not expecting day time sex but would love it if he just showed any form of intimacy and that he fancied me.

Familiarity breeds contempt, so sometimes subtle signals don't do it. Put your hand down your pants and start masturbating. If that doesn't give him the hint then what will? And if he doesn't respond you can just get off.

Not being funny OP but he's seen your boobs for 30 years, the novelty has gone! When women say their OH's can't get enough it means they're young or they haven't been together long or their husband is a sex pest. Yours is none of those, he's just normal.

It sounds like your libido has gone up and his hasn't (or might be heading in the other direction) - but you also sound very focussed on yourself and you wants/needs and looks. Have you been telling him how great he looks - you want to hear it but are you telling him?

If that makes no difference then you need to talk to him about this, tell him how you feel and see if you can meet in the middle somewhere. He shouldn't need loads of confidence though just to give his wife of 30 years a compliment. No one wants to feel taken for granted even after 30 years.

@sneakysneakers "Not being funny OP but he's seen your boobs for 30 years, the novelty has gone!"

Maybe you're trying to make @Holidayblues55 feel better, but the novelty never goes - because it's not novelty. Now, alright, I can only speak for myself, and certainly not the OP's husband, but seeing my wife's naked breasts doesn't turn me on any less than it did the first time - because they're beautiful and sexy.

Thanks for the replies. If I put my hand down my pants he would piss himself with laughter then think I was crazy! That's not something we've ever done apart from aged 18. I would feel stupid tbh but like the fantasy of it.
I think the novelty may have worn off to a certain extent. I think he's oblivious. I guess to my libido is definitely up and his has not been insatiable since we were much younger so that makes sense too. I do tell him he looks good but he kind of gets embarrassed and tells me to shut up!
Guess more conversation is needed unless I jump on him....

Ha ha. Can you imagine a man doing that around the pool if he wasn’t getting it. 🤣

What about what he wants too?

it’s not like you aren’t getting any sex.

So we spoke a little about it last night. He said he does secretly look at me and is turned on (thank god!) But he isn't the type of person to start fondling me unless we're about to have sex. So I get it. Anyhow we did have amazing sex so all is good!

I don't think telling a 50yr old to start putting her hands down her pants on a sunbed is the right advice

Ask him straight please give more sex?

Or when you go out to dinner nearing the end of the meal give him your underwear discreetly and await the action!

Why wear underwear?

There's a lot in this. I might be unusual but part of the fun of fondling is when it's not going to lead to sex. When it's just there to connect, excite, and build the tension a little. I'd ask a little more about why erotic touching only works for him if it leads to sex.

You need to communicate you wants and needs communication is key

It sounds like he wants you to take the lead sexually and make him dance to your tune.

I think 50yo men just aren’t sexually excited by 50yo women unfortunately.

I must whole heartedly disagree 50+ year old women are hot!!

i would agree that 50+ women are very desirable

Speak for yourself!

@Holidayblues55
If you’ve got a private pool etc, then as you emerge from the pool naked, approach him from his feet, lean forward over him and slowly lower your boobs onto his legs, take hold of his budgie smugglers (😉) and firmly pull them down ….. you’ll soon know if he’s turned on !

(apologies-I may have confused one of my fantasies here … 😁)

I, M59, disagree. Well, partly. Allow me to mansplain....

I probably don't need to, actually. I think everyone here understands that sexual attraction is based on a lot more than just looks, and that's why we use the word 'chemistry', because, yes, it includes looks (which are related to age), but also many other things, such as the sense of attraction you get when you meet someone who you think is on the same sexual wavelength as you. And, of course, anyone who's even slightly sexually switched-on will have a wide range of people they're attracted to.

Take the lead and let him follow. Think want what he likes and do it.

There's a lot of emphasis on men getting women in the mood. This makes sense when you're younger but I think when you're both approaching fifty it makes sense to turn the tables.

E.g. lead him to the bedroom, undress him, tell him precisely what you want him to do to you and what you want to do to him. You aren't going to make it happen by just lying there looking seductive.

I don’t think a woman is a novelty, I think they’re as exciting on day one as they are 10
years down the line. And I don’t agree that a man only finds younger or older women attractive either.. In my previous long term relationship if she was rubbing her boobs with sun cream next to me I’d be stood there with my shorts around my ankles with a raging rod in excitement. Maybe the emotional connection isn’t quite there anymore and I think keeping that is far harder than keeping a sexual chemistry going, and maybe he does need a bit more of a push to be more physical, place his hands where you want them? Maybe try teasing him and touching him when he’s not expecting it?

It’s not “give me more sex “ , it should be, “ I would like us to have more sex “ and go from there

If it's private then go naked and suggest he does to and apply suncream to eachother surely that will wake him up?

@WillyCroakit & @tanoshi thanks you've reassured me, currently on holiday with DH, both early 50s, having a good time 😉but yesterday i commented on a ladies' lovely dress, DH stated what a fit body she had! She was prob late teens/20, it left me feeling a bit meh, especially on the beach surrounded by young women in bikinis! He gives me plenty of compliments but i know what he's thinking when we're there!

@duvet Some things don't need to be said!

Younger bodies have their attractions, and it's nice to remember when our skin was perfect and everything pointed in the right direction. My wife was slim and petite when we met in our early twenties. I was fitter and had no grey hairs. As my wife's body has changed, I have loved the changes, and of course I notice what's around me, but she's hot, as I am sure you are too

Enjoy your holiday x