Nearly 50 and bored with sex in a long marriage

[Boredwife99]

Here goes. Im married, and hes a good guy. Weve been together 27 years married 25. We have careers, house and grown up kids.

But!!! Im bored, I know im being a brat, I do. Hes muscular, (spends more time jn the gym than at home), hes good looking (everyone tells me that). But our sex life ugh! Im so bored of it. If he had his way we'd do it every day, but its the same thing all the time. Literally, even the thought of it makes me roll my eyes.

So, I am super aware this could be my hormones, im nearly 50, but I can't help but think its us. Has the spark gone? Can I rekindle it? Has anyone gone through this and found something that lit them up agajn?? Am I doomed to never enjoy sex again?? Pls help me.

What would you like him to do differently? Spice it up a bit? Have you tried communicating this to him? He may be quite willing to listen to you, no?

Yeah maybe, and i have brought it up subtly, but he just then does the same thjngs again. Im unsure how to reignite the fire.

I would always think you can turn it around if both parties are on board. I would say, from a male perspective, that subtle is not always the best way. I much prefer to be told exactly what my partner wants and that she isn't happy.

It isn't particularly nice to hear, but no guy wants to be a crap shag. Making a big judgement here, but does he think his muscles looks and a magic man stick will do the trick every time?

I've found that life is a long game, and we all need a skills refresh sometimes, and sex is no different. Also, we don't get any younger, and a few extra tools in the bedroom can always help.

I'd lay it out how you feel, and he'd be a fool not to lean into it

You have to make the effort .
You have to step up and direct for a nite .
Tell him this nite of sex I want A,B, C& D.
then he gets a nite .
IF you don’t put in the effort it’s going to die .
you will cheat then it’s over

Maybe a few days away in a different bed and environment will help with the spark or write him a card with how you feel. Alternatively go out for a meal and at the last course go the bathroom and hand him your undies!

@Boredwife99 I have had a glimpse of this kind of situation myself. Not actually married but he was a long time Partner.
For us the 'problem' wasn't just the sex but that was where if was most noticeable. It was a life and motivation crisis. Who was I now that the DCs had grown up and were making their own way successfully. What did I want?
At first my DP was not that helpful because he still had his career and the ambitions associated with that life.
Are you are at a crossroads in your life? Health, fitness, meno, empty nest?
To come back to your wording, How do you want to do sex? Have you tried to do it your way?

Is it all down to him OP? You don't mention that you are doing anything different or trying things???! Muscles aside, it's literally communication, we can't read minds, suggest some things you would like to try....or does he have to think of them??! I'd just start with "I'd love to try some new things in the bedroom"....if he can't see you rolling your eyes each time, don't assume he knows.

Good luck!

Do you ever take the lead, for example going on top, presenting for doggy, 69? If not, why not?

I suggest you take control, you decide when and what, for your pleasure. Lots of men are turned on when the lady in their lives take that control. But it has to be control for your pleasure.

When you say it's the same thing everytime do you mean same position, you instigated sex while he lays there, or is it a quick fumble and done?

Have you yourself done anything to make changes, suggested different things, shown him what you'd like done to you, do you want to do things to him in different ways?

Climb on and take the lead.

Thanks for this i really appreciate it. Its interesting to hear your opinion as a man. I mean does he like his reflection? Yes! But Im not sure he thinks it does everything for me. He does the same thing over and over and thats obviously what he likes but yes maybe I should be for forthcoming. I have tried to be open and make suggestions but its often met with no

I have made an effort i really have, ive tried the open communication, being the one to initiate things and he will respond, but it will end how he wants everytime.

What i mean by the same thing is how I satisfy him, the same way the same routine. I try to talk and say thjngs and it'll just go back to that. I habe said to him that im struggling with it and hes obviously uoset over it, but the next time, boom the same bloody thing.
I wont cheat, if rather just leave, but i dont want to, im happy with our life, im just wondering if this is it, like whe do people stop? I want it! I do but is this it?:

It not at all clear what he wants or what you want - I'm not surprised he has no idea, your communication is really poor! What do you mean it ends the way he wants every time? How do you want it to end?

Stop being subtle and make your demands into a sexy game - I'd dress up in lingerie and tell him he doesn't get to do a.b or c (that he likes/wants) until he's done x, y and z that I want. Then I'd be really assertive and dominant, lots of encouragement and obvious enjoyment for him doing the the things you want and clear redirecting if he drifts back too quickly to the things he likes.

He obviously wants to be made to cum in a certain way, and if he likes that, I dont see the problem.
As long as you get some things you want before it 'ends'!

I did have a feeling that might be the case from your original post. I really don't get it; it's very much like blokes who would rather burn down their relationship than seek medical help for ED. There are plenty of chaps on here who would give anything for a woman who actively wants sex, but you also have to want the sex you're having!

Maybe a bit TMI, but have you used any toys? Would he be open to them if you haven't? If the answer is no, maybe try a piece of sex furniture like a wedge. They are no threat to any man's ego and can give you a bit of novelty and different angles and positions.

I don't think my communication os really poor, o just didn't want to go into the nitty gritty, I just wanted advice from people that have maybe been in this situation or could help me. Please dont think you can come here and make me feel bad about myself, I make myself feel bad enough as it is.

Jenny Keane does some pre recorded workshops that you can buy on her Oh Moment website. Look for the one called Keeping the Spark Alive & watch it with your DH.