Friend has mentioned that her and her DH are into swinging and has suggested we try it

[EffusiveHen]

Myself and DH are good friends with another couple who are in their late 40s. We have known them for over 15 years. My friend told me recently that her and her DH have discovered swinging and that it has apparently done wonders for their sex life. She asked if I would ever consider doing it. I think the fact that she brought it up was a sign that she thought there was a chance I would be into the idea. I just said I would have to think about it. I haven't mentioned it to DH yet.

I'm wondering if anyone here has done it, especially later on in life. How do you do it without blowing up your marriage?

Great question, @PaulRevere . Not sure, it's a mix of things. With our oldest friends we talk about anything, not much for small talk-level things. Different coworkers in various jobs, well, they do talk. A lot. Most notably during work trips, dinners, etc - especially when they had something to drink, too. I do not, so I end up being the one remembering everything. I don't know, really, it's not like I am fishing for info on this.

The first time I saw my boyfriend go down on another woman was just about the hottest thing I've ever seen!

Christ, I can't think of anything worse. Each to their own I guess but I genuinely don't get how people get turned on by someone they love fucking other people.

You and me both.

Sometimes people equate loving someone with exclusivity…..maybe that’s at the heart of the repugnance for some.
Consensual non monogamy works for many, so can’t we just live and let live?

I wouldn’t look at your meal choice in a restaurant and declare “how can you eat that, it looks disgusting…I wouldn’t give that to my dog!” We all like different things….

I'm not sure if that was aimed at me specifically but I'm pretty sure I said "each to their own".

And yes, I do equate a loving relationship with exclusivity. That's just how I roll. If you want to tell me how horrible my meal looks that's fine, as long as I like it then it doesn't really matter.

It is not really a big solve to say that exclusivity is in the heart of those who can't imagine the idea of opening up their relationship. I think that is given. Even if you take the romance out of it, by definition something that belongs only to two people and not shared with 300 more will always be more special, limited edition, if you like. To me.

I personally also believe in live and let live - you do you. My main argument in this thread is that contemplating a shift from a monogamous lifestyle to an open one has undeniable risks that can (not saying it is 100% the case) easily damage the relationship. Without going into the numerous ways it can backfire again, I'd just say if a couple has working relationship, the risk is too high for what the payoff could be. Not even mentioning those who get into it to "save" said relationship. If a relationship's expiration depends on having sex with others, well, that relationship is already dead.

Completely agree with your final point!

And no one should be doing it to keep the other one happy (we've seen those posts here).

If you're not both excited about trying it, you shouldn't be doing it.

For me, it was just fun. Now I'm single and dating, non-exclusively.

It would be nice if OP came back to give her response to the views she requested.

We've been talking about exploring this idea, based on a shared one-off experience we already had together years ago (and loved) but before we had kids. We've had lots of discussion, are always pretty open with each other, and agreed that the best way it would happen would be spontaneously however feel this is VERY unlikely! Hijacking the thread a bit but would be great to know from those commenting positively about how they found other people of the same mindset..

(Also v nervous posting publicly as I know this provokes strong opinions!)

No one should be nervous about posting here because of strong opinions….we’re all anonymous and so (within the guidelines) say what you like….some people are easily offended after all !!

In order to avoid hijacking, you’re welcome to pm me and ask whatever.

My late boyfriend and I had most luck just going to clubs.

Depends what you're looking for - if you just want a single bloke, you could find one on Tinder if you're upfront.
Otherwise, everyone's on FabSwingers, if you want your eyes opened rapidly 😂
We Are X and Feeld are other apps you could try.

Really?

i guess it just highlights our differences.

it would destroy me to see my DH going down on another woman.

I just couldn’t handle that at all.

How did you not feel jealous watching that?

I am the same as you, @ohyesiseethatnow . Everything intimate we do with my wife with each other is a result of us falling in love, deciding to become a unit.. Having those things handed out to other people and to be happy about it - as far as relationships go, that's one nightmare situation that is hard to top for me.

I ... just didn't 😂

I guess the best comparison for me is likening it to the joy of watching my kids or dog having fun - that brings me pleasure. Seeing my late boyfriend having a good time brought me pleasure in the same way.

And it's not that I don't get jealous, I had a lot of trouble with contact that he had with an ex girlfriend. But sex, for fun - that was fine 🤷‍♀️

I'm currently having more casual non monogamous connections and so far no issues there either.