Husband upset that I bought a vibrator and masturbate alone

[Damnedrose]

I’m just over mid thirties, had an increase in libido recently. Been with DH for nearly 15 years. Increase in libido has led to me being a lot more adventurous with DH and he has said he really likes that. We’ve used a clitoral stimulator together. I recently bought a different vibrator which DH found. He has stopped talking to me as he feels I’m looking for something better since I’ve bought the vibrator and have been more adventurous (says its suspicious) and is annoyed I didn’t tell him about the vibrator (says the secrecy is a big part of his suspicions. I’m mind blown and don’t know where to go from this, he’s made me feel so ashamed for masturbating

He is more or less accusing you ( if he was king to you) of having an affair with it! Honestly! How childish.

Sorry, it’s early and l woke up with the heat. This should have read “if he was talking to you”. No male should police what vibrater a woman has or he avoid used.

I agree that he is acting like an absolute child by not talking - @Damnedrose , is he still giving you the silent treatment? Hope not.

But are we so sure that it is about policing, dictating or having a say in what toy OP would buy for herself? None of us could know for sure (other than OP herself), but why are we so sure he is this oppressive, chauvinistic pig? Can we not imagine that he wouldn't have "input" or anything to say if he just knew the existence of it? And it's not about owing him an explanation or anything, at all. If it IS about policing it, yeah, he's a prick. But I wouldn't be so sure. It's how he is dealing with the discovery that is - to quote the younger generations - "cringe".

Wouldn't any of you be surprised to find one of those toys for men that imitate the vagina/bum area in your husband's/partner's study or sock drawer? Not even a little bit?

Marriage terms are like length of PM’s these days…..

Why would I discuss other vibrators with him? He’s not the one using it

I think he only has the right to complain if you start using it instead of being intimate with him, at the expense of your sex lite. If you’re not re-directing your energy/effort from him toward your new toy, he needs to grow up.

Why is everyone so focussed on the use? Or him potentially wanting to have a say? That was never said. Is it so difficult to imagine that it's about being surprised to find something that you didn't know existed in your household?

^^ 100% this , you should do whatever you want, if it affects you sex life with your husband then you have an issue ( in the same way women complain about men really)

I suppose the other question would be, how would you feel if you husband bought a sex toy and used it with out your knowledge ( and he preferred it ? )

Dude better man the fuck up .
Toys and women are like fish and chips - they just go together .
He needs to grow up and man up as said .

@exhaustDAD he's giving OP the silent treatment... that's not how you react to a surprise discovery, the usual response would be either to ignore it because it's none or your business or to be curious.

He's trying to shame or punish her and that really isn't on. If it's bruised his ego then it's on him to unpick why or to talk to her about how it makes him feel.

Seems he suspects her increased libido must be due to her having or wanting another man (because god forbid a woman have a sexuality of her own that doesn't revolve around a man!)

❤️ ln my view this sums the situation up perfectly. It comes down to lack of male understanding about “how a woman works”. It’s a case of either being called frigid or an uncontrollable sex maniac, both in a judgy sort of way.

l have a vibey more or less in daily use, sometimes twice a day. And l have come across people in my distant past who do not understand with that going on why l do not want 1:1 sex every day. It is so different.

I agree - the way he responded to it is absolute failure, like some entitled brat. Whatever he suspects is just such a dumb way to look at it, assuming things instead of talking about it. I think curiosity is fine. I just pointed out that we are doing huge leaps of assumptions as well. How he treats her? Despicable and stupid. But it might not be about what a lot of pps assume - man controlling something, oppressing. He comes across like a hurt child to me.