Sexless marriage

[pam10]

I am at a total loss. I am nearly 60 (yes we still have the same feelings, needs and desires as when we were 20!) I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life at 15 (he was17). We had a great sex life, but admittedly my sex drive was alway a lot higher, but he made me feel desired always. I was also thin then. Fast forward. I put a bit of weight on and he developed a condition that that at the time we thought as cancer of the penis which resulted in a circumcision. My husband has now said he finds sex painful, and I have been so understanding and have reassured him that I love him. For over 20 years - half our married life we have been in a sexless marriage, we have had the occasional sex over the last 20 years, but it’s been few and far between (when we have it’s been very gentle and painless for him) Out of bed we have the most beautiful relationship and he shows me so much love, as I do him. However, it does not stop me feeling rejected, undesired and unfulfilled. There are times I feel resentful towards him and I hate feeling like this.

@pam10 : I'm sorry you feel like this. I'm in a similar marriage (I'm M59. Shit - nearly typed '58', then I remembered!); in my case, no sex for eight years, and before that it wasn't great. Yes, it's chronically depressing, there's no denying it.

I realise this is a very obvious and basic question, but does your DH know how you feel? I mean, really? Does he understand the effect on your psyche of enforced celibacy?

There are options, but none of them are great or easy. Happy to discuss by DM, and I promise that's not a pathetic attempt to hit on you, and I understand you'd probably prefer a female perspective.

Must be soul destroying to have such a good relationship day to day but no intimacy, it's that that provides the connection or else its just like a house share albeit with a very good friend.

As pp said what has he said when you talk about it, is he open to how to improve things? Youve said when you do have sex it's painless for him so there are ways and means? Does he masturbate?

Ask him to see his GP and see if they can suggest anything. Does he struggle with erections might viagra be a consideration?

I don't think any of us should settle for feeling rejected. The other person has to make an effort regardless of any issues they have.