I recently came out of a 6 month relationship and it has left me feeling a bit ashamed. He was a bit younger than me (mid 40s) and fairly newly separated after a 5 year marriage that, according to him, was mostly sexless. She was 10 years older than him and apparently has said that she is not interested in ever having sex again. His dating app bio stated that his love language was touch. In the early weeks of the relationship he said he would ideally like sex often. He had several long relationships before his marriage.
Our first sexual experience was pretty bad in that he entered me without a condom after just a bit of kissing and touching my breasts. I was expecting him to touch me intimately before actual penetration so was taken by surprise. I made him stop and he felt really bad and said he had misread my signals. Second time he attempted oral for maybe 30 seconds and perhaps brushed my genitals with his hand for a second. After that I just took charge. Sex did improve a bit but it wasn’t great. I tried to show him how I like to be touched and he stared gabbling about how his ex was always comparing that this touch was too sensitive or that touch was in the wrong place etc. We only got to see each other fortnightly at weekends so I suppose I had the expectation that he would be keen for sex during our limited time together but sometimes he seemed hesitant.
I can imagine it sounds like he just wasn’t that in to me but he had ED in previous relationships and never once had that with me. He said many times that he was consistently having the best sex often his life with me ( I was surprised at this as I didn’t feel the same). He usually struggled to cum from penetration which had been a longstanding issue for him predating me so would have to masterbate to finish. I was very understanding about this.
A couple of months after the relationship ended, we exchanged some messages and he chose to tell me that, whilst I was the most compatible sexual partner he has ever had, he sometimes felt pressure around sex due to the importance he perceived I placed on it. He particularly felt this after a tough work week. He said that most men would love to have a partner as kind, understanding and enthusiastic about sex as me but he struggled with it at time. This was news to me. Not once did he mention it during the relationship. I cannot recall ansi gel time I pressured him
to have sex. In fact, I wanted him to initiate so would usually let him do that. I can recall one single incident in the early days when, having not seen him for 2 weeks, we came home from an evening out and I kissed him and he just seemed passive so I did question if everything was ok. That’s it. His revelation kind of blind sided me. I am a sexual, sensual person but I’m not pushy or coercive. He was keen to cuddle and would go on about how sexy he found me. I should add that, after the second time we slept together, we went in a night out and had a few drinks and he chose to tell me that he had dumped a woman as she had too much pubic hair and that he thought genitals in general were “gross.” That made me feel really uneasy after the disappointment of the first two experiences as I like men who are sensual and love women’s bodies. He did go down on me after I told him it is the main was I cum but I could never fully relax after his comments as felt he was doing it out of obligation.
I’m dating again now and feel a bit scared to show that side of myself after his comments and just don’t know what to make of it all.