Different sex drives in marriage

[Kayamum]

Here for advice really… I have a wonderful husband and 2 kids under 5. Issue here is the sex life. We have vastly different temperaments in the area and I constantly feel unsatisfied.. I have tried all the tricks dressing up etc but it does not seem to be getting any better and it has always been an issue for us even before kids.. thing is I have crushes on other men and that makes me feel so guilty to even think about other men… I don’t know how to fix it and i don’t want to live like a nun! 🥲 I am not ready to go out to pasture. I have tried talking as gently as possible but it’s just not happening!

I don't think there are any easy / definitive answers if you are happy with the rest of your relationship.

I was/am in your position but I made my peace with it because I valued everything else in the relationship, over the years we've had various chats and things have been up and down depending on what else is going in life.

Yes there are times when I'm very frustrated indeed (right now as mentioned on another post!) but there are other times when things are good and I've come to accept that there is an ebb and flow in desire for my DW and to go with it rather than "fight" it.

Sorry if that doesn't help, I'm sure some other posters will have some alternatives to share :-)

If it is making you unhappy then you must have a serious discussion about it so your partner is award and at least talk through a possible solution.

yea I think it's time for a serious discussion rather than gentle. It sounds like communication regarding sex is difficult? It's 100% best to talk, just sit him down away from kids. Ask him for his views and how he feels, you need to know what's in his head and he needs to know what's in yours. Communication is key

i have had 3000 serious discussions… nothing seems to help

Sounds like you are overpowering your DH OP. Back off, be calm, think about what he wants (you can't ask him directly he might not answer directly) Don't think about what he doesn't want.

May I ask you what your vast differences are regarding frequency of sex?

Your description was very vague

If you’ve had the conversation that your sex life is lacking between the two of you
Frequency is definitely number one
Adventure and spicing it up as number two

If neither of those are compatible
Then you need to decide what to do
He has a responsibility as your husband to the marriage just as you have a responsibility to him in the marriage

If he fucked you three times a week
Mixed it up, gave you oral sex, indulged another fun activities with you in the bedroom weekly
You wouldn’t be posting here

I wish you all the best in the future

Different sex drives are difficult to resolve, if one half just isn’t as interested it doesn’t really matter what the other does or tries, it’s unlikely to change, discussions, trying to find reasons and solutions invariably lead to more frustration. Good luck and if you find an answer, I’d love to know what it is

You can’t make people want to have more sex and you shouldn’t guilt trip them either, if his sex drive is lower than yours then you either have to suck it up or exit the relationship - that’s it really and no you shouldn’t try and pressure him into sex he doesn’t want