Sleeping with someone new for the first time

[ThisIsPoppyTime]

Planning on sleeping with a guy for the first time. I haven't had sex for over a year.

8th date upcoming.

I've been in a similar situation previously where the sex wasn't great. I don't think that was from my side.

Any suggestions how I can test the water as such?

If you've had heavy snogging sessions and been fooling around then that should give you some idea.

There has been snogging but not much more than that as only ever met in busy public places (we met online). I have a plan in my head now, so will see how it unfolds.

A plan?
Do tell. I'm of the opinion that a heavy snogging session with a fumble around each others bits is usually a good indication. If he can't give you a good fingering then what else is lacking?

As I wrote, we have only ever previously met in busy public places as we met online. That will be changing soon.

A woman with a plan… just make sure it’s not an assumed result

A lot of women assume that things should go a certain way and when they don’t, they become disappointed and blame the men

The key here is to hopefully discuss what things you like sexually and I really don’t care that. It’s your ninth date coming up.

Men cannot be mind readers

So whatever the plan is to end up in a private situation and to see how it goes, just understand that if you put unreasonable expectations upon that you will reap what you sow

I can tell you from experience that any woman who is open in her communication about her likes and dislikes, along with not applying any pressure to the situation, usually ends up enjoying themselves

So I would be bold and forward, and when the time comes absolutely communicate your wishes and needs in the moment .
Don’t hesitate to tell him or show him what you like when in that moment

Again .. if you’re in that private space in private moment …. And you’re making out with him.
Blatantly grab his crotch unzip his pants start playing with him…. Be confident in what you want in that moment. Whisper in his ear, what you want him to do to you … don’t be bashful on this first round .. by giving him leading input on what you like that will guide your future sex with him in bed

You bet your ass he will learn and listen
And it’s not about being forward or dominant in this first encounter it’s about setting the tone and letting him understand that you know what you want and he’s going to give it to you
Future encounters, he will know what to expect and what to give

Similar to my plan. Thanks

From my experiences, first time, is an enlightening time of adventure for want of a better expression.
Take it slowly enjoy you do not need to have PIV if you are both not comfortable and as they play it by ear.

Very best OP

Thanks. Great advice again.

Be careful with being too overt.

An xFWB told me he was put off by my (gentle) directions the first time we had sex. He wanted to listen and explore and see and hear my responses, and respond to those.

I understand his point.

He only told me a few months in how he'd not enjoyed our first time very much as he wanted to discover what to do rather than be told.

He was also a not great kisser - but early fumbles revealed he was well endowed, so I persevered. The sex was really good, so I'm glad I did stick it out.

Thanks. I know there is a fine line.

OP, you've had quite a long lead in time into this with 8 dates, in addition to a long period of celibacy previously. I think a lot depends on what level of conversation there’s been. I would suggest take the driving seat so to speak and let him know your wants, needs and desires. This includes contraception and sexual health remember. Do you intend to spend the complete night together? The first time with someone new it can be nice to have some time on your own for reflection afterwards.

Personally, l don’t believe in being backwards in coming forwards. Long ago someone told me l was the first woman who had asked him to come to bed and he would always treasure that.

As always, if you are away from home let a friend know where you are.

Have a lovely time. x

Thanks. Not sure on staying over for the night currently. I have a bit of a lead-up plan in progress though. I'm finding everything a bit overwhelming.

I think there has been some good advice in these.posts. I met.my GF online. We talked about our sexual desires on the phone. We had phone sex twice before we met. We both think that really helped.
After the second time we decided to meet immediately. An hour later.

Not wishing to decry anyone’s way forward, but to add a cautionary note, with phone sex would just burst out laughing. So proceed with caution, particularly in the early stages.

Not a fan of phone sex? I find it very thrilling when my lover asks me to listen - especially when we are far apart. It becomes very intimate/

I am interested in exploring phone sex but I don't want out first time to be that way.

Phone sex is fun! I used to have a regular friend (F) that would arrange a call a couple of times a week. We did a group one once. Twice the fun :)
You'll get to find out some of his fantasies on a phone sex call.

I've done phone sex in the past. Can be quite intense with the right person who has a way with words. A bit uncomfortable if they don't though!! :)

Of course there is IM / Messenger sex. My wife and I did that loads before we moved in together. Also, did it with past girlfriends - allegedly I have a way with words and can paint quite a vivid mental picture.

Nice dress pretty lingerie always does it for me, lots of looks, smiles then I’m sure he’ll get the message

if not then grab is crotch!

The deed has been done! 😁

Not mind-blowing but it was good. Looks promising!

ThisIsPoppyTime · Yesterday 22:00
The deed has been done! 😁
Not mind-blowing but it was good. Looks promising!

Great news OP

Not mind-blowing but it was good. Looks promising!
Being nosey: Was it his place or yours or neutral hotel?
Another date planned then.

Well it's plural now!!! Both times at his!

When l first read this, l thought you meant a threesome. 😀