Never been able to orgasm with someone

[Kiz1988]

I need help.
I am a soon to be 38 year old woman and I have never had an orgasm with a partner.
There is zero issue on my own but with a sexual partner I cant get past "that feels nice"
I have tried using toys that make me orgasm within minutes when on my own, nothing if he is present.
Please help, it is my dream, I just want to orgasm at the hands of someone else, just once and I will die happy.
What is wrong with me?
Help.

Move from being in your head to being within your sensual body.

Not easy, it'll take time and an understanding partner.

If it helps I had my first orgasm ever at 36! Been with the same man since we were 20, like you I just never got "past the barrier" so to speak, even by myself/with a toy etc.

Then one time a couple of years ago we tried a different position for him to use his fingers and it just... happened!

So you never know... Like a pp said, try not to put too much pressure on it and maybe keep trying different things??

Maybe a daft question, but have you tried a mains-powered official Magic Wand? We had a similar issue, but my partner had never ever had an orgasm in a few years of trying, and it did the trick the very first time of using the best money I've ever spent, and it now happens without the wand, as it appeared to open up the pathway to pleasure.

I would also recommend Emily Nagowski come as you are and all 3 OMGyes modules for you and your partner, if again you have not already read them.

If you can achieve solo, do you feel self conscious when he is with you? Try laying between his legs while he gently holds you. You are then out of his direct vision.

Also, do you get near to orgasm from oral? What if he continued for longer?

How do you orgasm by yourself? Eg is it by using a dildo or vibrator or by clit stimulation? If the later, could you have sex with your partner in a position where he could replicate this? For example, riding partner whilst he rubs your clit, if this is what does it for you.

When you masturbate, there's a feedback loop between your genitals, brain and hand, so it's easy to do exacly what you need, when you need. With a partner, that information doesn't have an easy path.
If you can cum on your own, there's every reason to expect your goal to be achievable. But it could take a lot of work, and ideally with a regular partner. (You don't say whether you have one.) You need to be comfortable being completely open with them, and they need to be motivated to learn from you. And don't see it as a challenge, but an area to grow together.
Then you just have to practice, practice practice ...🤪

@mnmnddddd - l think some valid points here, but have l misread the situation? I thought the difficulty was, the OP could not hit the spot with someone else present. Even if she was doing the driving!

@StarlightLady As I read the question, it's ambiguous whether the OP has a single regular partner, multiple regular partners, multiple occasional partners, no current partner etc ...
I'd say her best chance is with a single regular partner.

I didn’t with a partner until 48. And no surprise, it wasn’t from PIV. I found the Vanessa and Xander podcasts about the female orgasm helpful (Vanessa is a sex therapist). I also purchased her Foreplay Guides (I hate the word foreplay, because foreplay activities are what usually produces a female orgasm, so should be considered a Main Event, not a side bit), which contain lots of techniques for your partner stimulating the clitoris manually or orally, without PIV.

And to add to my above comment, I also prefer lots of lube when being stimulated by my DH, even though it’s not intercourse. Lube is a game changer for clitoral stimulation—it’s not only for PIV!

I agree with you so much about the inappropriately misnamed foreplay.