Advice on changes to our sex life during the menopause

[Manonhere]

Hi, this is my first thread so please be gentle. I am looking for some advice regarding sex during the menopause.
Myself and my wife have been together 20 years and have always had an amazing sex life. We have been spontaneous, adventurous and we have both been extremely satisfied... until the dreaded menopause! It started about 3 years ago,, she is on HRT but there has been a steady decline. We are now in a position where I get the feeling sex is only to keep me happy, it just isn't the same.
I spoke to her about it and she said she still loves me and finds me attractive but doesnt always feel like it and that puts pressure on her.
We agreed to come up with a plan where we have sex twice a week on the same day so there isn't any pressure or expectations the other days. This kind of works but if I'm being honest I don't really like feeling like there is a sex rota!
I think I am a good husband and father, I work hard, help with the kids, help around the house. I dont go out with the lads and I try to be loving.
I just want it back to how it was 😌

Any advice would be appreciated

It's not going to go back to how it was. Get your head round that and take it from there.

My sex drive dipped at start of menopause but returned with a vengeance. There is no guarantee as not all woman are the same but don't give up hope. Just keep being loving and supportive and find comfort in ur new normal.

Firstly, has your wife tried vaginal oestrogen in the form of cream, pessary or as the estring ring? This will help with lubrication, turned on feelings etc
There is also Intrarosa as well which converts to androgens as well as oestrogen locally.

There is also testosterone therapy. The female one is called androfeme and is ime is very effective.

Helpful 🙄

Thanks, is this something she could talk to the doctor about?

Let's keep my fingers crossed then 🤞🤣

Vaginal oestrogen as a cream/pessary/ring is commonly prescribed on the NHS. You can also buy the cream and pessaries over the counter at chemists. Make sure its used inside and out.

Intrarosa, I think you can get on the NHS, but you can buy it privately online.

Androfeme I think is private only. It's expensive (£160) for about 3 months plus finger prick blood tests.

Male 63...yes it will, but you have to talk about it and try to loose some inhibitions together all over again.

Does your wife have a job too? Any elderly relatives around that also need support?
What's she dealing with day to day?
This phrase grated
help with the kids, help around the house.

There is no help. It's equal parenting surely?

No she doesnt work, we have 2 young adopted girls. I am a hands on father, you are just picking on my wording. I am not the sort of guy who thinks the kids are the woman's responsibility etc. All I meant was any time I am not working I am with my family and children 👍

We are 62/63. Menopause kicked in mid-50s and libido gradually drifted downwards. Early HRT did nothing.

Whilst there may be one or two ladies who see a resurgence I understand that the majority don't and I think you should assume your wife will be amongst the majority.

I am with you and find perfunctionary sex unappealing as much of my reward was seeing (and helping) my wife get off.

This is exactly it, knowing my wife was pleasured and satisfied was a big part of it. I hate feeling like she is going along with it just to keep me happy 😌