I've been with my partner 2 years. We're both early 50s.
In bed, and in life, he's very gentle, and kind, and caring. We make love and it's great fun. He's a very giving man. I love him very much.
I've mentioned a couple of times that sometimes I would love to have sex outside the bedroom. I've also told him that sometimes I just want to be thrust into the bed like there's no tomorrow. Or have no foreplay and just get straight on with penetration.
I've tried initiating this where I can.
He can't maintain an erection outside the bedroom, and will always end up leading me to the bedroom if I start things in the front room. If I insist we stay put, then he'll happily give me a good time, but there's only so much a girl can do with a flaccid penis. He can't get erect quick enough to have sex without foreplay. He's on daily pills to help with his erection.
In bed, I've told him to go harder, faster, he smiles and does speed up a little bit for a few thrusts, but then it's back to gentle lovemaking.
X and I used to fuck as well as make love. I miss the rawness and dirtyness of fucking. I miss the immediacy of Xs erection that was always good to go (and was 9 years older than partners). I miss being occasionally pounded into the bed.
I now find myself in the awful position of imagining X wanking in the corner of the room, getting off watching me with my partner. It's only when I imagine him watching that I orgasm. I feel terrible for this, but it's adding the extra element to what I feel is missing for me.
Am I wrong to do so? I'm not a name user during sex, so there's no risk of saying the Xs name. But I feel so bad thinking of X whilst in bed with my partner.
Any ideas to fix this, or should I just chill?