Newly dating but guy doesn’t like to give oral.

[MushroomQueen]

Hello, I feel a bit odd posting this but need some advice from people who don’t know me irl. I was in a very long term relationship 17 years- 3 kids 12 and under. Difficult break up, was still sleeping with ex on and off occasionally up until a few months ago. I’ve had some dates - 1 night stands but mostly the dating pool is awful at my age. A month ago I met a guy - very sweet, a gentleman. Kind and sexy. It’s been going well. Except we’ve slept together 2 times and he has said he doesn’t like to give oral. He still gave pleasure let’s say but it for me isn’t quite the same. I’ve never had this b4, every man in my entire life has been extremely enthusiastic and it’s made me feel a bit flat about the whole thing. What would you do, keep it light, dating or, I dunno pack it all up ? I can see myself being happy with him, he’s extremely affectionate and sweet and rest of sex is great but I feel a bit shortchanged but I don’t want him to feel obligated obviously

Does he like receiving blowjobs? He sounds a bit sexually selfish tbh. If its important to you then I'd tell him

Yes he does, I do find it a bit selfish but then I feel a bit odd, making someone feel guilty about not doing something, but yeah it is important to me

You don’t align. He wants to receive oral, yet not reciprocate. This is a recipe for resentment. Cut your losses and run now, before you become too enmeshed and a breakup becomes complicated.

It’s important to me too. I enjoy penetration, it feels lovely, but l don’t climax from it. My number 1 house-rule if someone wants to enter my boudoir(😀), is quite simple, no oral = no entry.

OP, l think you will get to a point in the future where you will regret continuing with this.

I think this is a personal preference. If he doesn't enjoy giving oral, then that's his choice. I don't see it as selfish. Obviously if that is a must for you and is central to your pleasure, then it's clear that you have different interests. Is he willing to try or do it occasionally?

That’s fine if you feel that this setup would suit you. However, OP has described “feeling shortchanged” by not having the oral she’s giving reciprocated. Why are you trying to rewrite OP’s feelings for her? I don’t think we should be encouraging OP to lower her bar.

I'd say cut your losses now. It's early enough that you haven't got attached yet. I think if you stay you'll resent the lack of reciprocation down the line. Don't settle for less!

I am absolutely not rewriting her feelings- why would I do that? I was referring to comments about selfishness. I also said it's clear they have different interests. And if it is important to her, which it seems to be, then what's the point in continuing? I would never advocate that anyone feel sexually frustrated, however nice the guy is. That's why I asked if he is willing to try.

I think it is selfishness if he's happy for her to suck his cock, but won't go down on her! The gentlemanly thing to do would be to make it clear he didn't expect to receive oral.

I couldn't pursue anything (monogamous) long term with someone who didn't like giving oral.

At the end of the day, could you live/cope without receiving oral sex from him?

Whatever your initial instinct is, that's your answer.

I know what I would do in this scenario.

OP What is his reason for not giving oral? Could you try using flavoured lube to encourage him?

I dated a guy who wanted lots of blowjobs but wouldn't reciprocate. I went along with it for a while thinking things might change but they didn't and it ended after about 6 months. He was never very interested in my body, didn't even care if I took my bra off or not to give him oral. Should have ended it sooner!

@Winterbolt

I don't know if it was your intention, but you don't sound very nice. I really can't see how adopting pre-oral aseptic techniques could help anyone's anxiety around oral sex or enhance the mood unless you like the smell of carbolic.

I agree. Healthy women who practice good hygiene (which we tend to, more than men) are neither dirty or unpleasant.

Oh dear. A real man doesn’t want an ultra clean pussy tasting like toothpaste. He wants to taste us.

Thank you for relating to this point of view

Soap & Warm Water .
Shower 🚿 , 🛀 Bath , 🌊 Ocean , 🏊 Pool ….

Presenting a clean desirable vagina is akin to a clean man with a attentive erection in the bedroom.
Works both ways .

Not being mean - just stating that in order to get a man who might be on the fence for oral , a little effort goes a long way .

So for example let’s say we as men want our woman to give a BJ. A lot of women are not interested . Some will give minimal effort for return on sexual investment to have their man go down on them .
The reality is enticement and willing to work with a partner . Finding what works. What makes each other desire to want to please .

Original poster has a man who won’t go down.
If every reasonable effort of communication and hygiene has been exhausted and the compatibility is not where one needs it , then a decision has to be made .

.

A young fresh pussy vs a middle age pussy ( Night and Day) .

And they say chivalry is dead.

This! And while we are at it, what about a few lessons in female anatomy and naming?

What in the actual fuck are you on about??